Really Funny Class Notes

Photography Services

2011-04-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

If any of you guys need a photographer be sure to check out www.birlewphotography.com for wedding photography, senior portraits, family portraits, children and events.

Legal Services

2010-12-25T00:59:00.000-08:00

If you or anyone you know needs legal services:
www.jvlaw.net

Check out our rockstar AA movies

2009-07-24T12:13:00.000-07:00

Starting the Habbit

Breaking the Habbit

Yeah, We're That Cool

2008-07-19T14:06:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed we haven't posted in a while. That's because we are cool. Yeah, I just said that. In fact, not posting makes us so much cooler than FCN.

Now I know you probably are wondering why we are cooler... actually I don't think you are, you probably just think we are stupid... But for the sake of credibility and our post, we will assume you asked why.

I have 3 reasons why...

1: Silent Is The New Eloquent

"Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech." -Martin Fraquhar Tupper

But maybe more fitting for RFCN would be: "Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal". Yeah, sometimes we just like digging holes. Like making fun of Hilary Clinton for example... now we lost our dear friend Trevor. Who'd a thunk there were actually men out there that liked her? Oh wait, it was a girl killed Trevor... strange. Oh well, good thing we have more authors on our staff than the Yankee's do all-stars. That's a funny comparison, because our staff performs like the Yankee's do too. Yes, I purposely left that open for interpretation, even though deep down inside, we all know it requires none. But our second quotation doesn't really work when we are trying to explain the great reasons we had for being silent, so let's just go with silent is the new eloquent.

2: You Miss Us, Don't You!

We wanted you to realize how much you miss us. You probably didn't miss us at all, but we'd like to think you did. After all, our site was built off false ego. No, I didn't just admit that.

3: Suspense

Not posting builds suspense. What would life be like without suspense? I'll tell you what it would be like, next week...

What I'm trying to say is, the more RFCN doesn't post, the less boring your life will be.

RFCN is building suspense for a grand opening! Details to come...

Not posting also gives us writers more time to do other things. Other things like not getting arrested, or eating Doritos, or playing golf... Lots of golf. You know, important stuff like that.

Besides, we had work, jury duty and important things to do. And Rich is lazy.

Say goodbye to Trevor!

Batman vs. Batman vs. Batman

2008-07-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

Could it get any better?

Edit: Since this doesn't want to fit properly, and I really don't know how to fix that, just make it full screen. Or you could just deal with the fact that a small piece of the screen is not visible. Whatever suits you best.

An Airsofter's Journey: Part the finaliath

2008-06-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

The day had finally arrived. My first airsoft war. After carrying my gun around my house for weeks, pretending to be everyone from Jason Bourne to 007 to Rambo to a sniper taking aim at Hillary Clinton, I had finally managed to convince my friend to let me play in one of his airsoft wars. It was going to be an intense experience, I could tell. These were no pansies with peashooters. These were men who took the game seriously. In fact, my friend said I should probably wear camouflage, so as not to ruin the aura that is "Make-Believe War." "Make no mistake," said my friend. "The men who play this game are willing to give their life for their country . . . as long as they can respawn in five minutes." Amen, brother. At his behest, I purchased some used camouflage from the closest Army Surplus store. I was surprised that they had only one variety, but it was only $15! "Urban Woodland," they called it. "Isn't that . . . sort of a contradiction?" I asked. "No, sir, not at all," they said, as they ushered me quickly towards the door. "You'll be able to hide in trees . . . and in buildings! Besides, its actually harder to see the colour pink than black at night, so you've covered all your bases!" Fair enough, I thought. Versatility is probably a virtue on the battlefield.

It was 9 o'clock as I pulled up to the park where we were playing. "I hope we play until dusk, so I can take advantage of my pink camouflage!" I thought. I parked further away than most of the other cars. I told myself it was because I was a lone wolf. I think it was actually because I wanted to scope out whether anyone else was wearing pink camouflage. They weren't. My guess was that they'd spent more than $15 on their gear. I didn't even spend $15 on my wedding ring. No matter. Raw skill trumps little things like fancy-doodad getups, right? Just ask the Last Samurai! They totally murdered the gatling guns in the end, right? BTW Get Smart was the most amazing movie ever created. Go see it... in theatres now. When I got to the field of battle, some of the guys asked me to wear deer antlers. I was too smart for them. I totally saw right through their scheme. They were trying to get me to mess up my perfectly gelled hair. No way. I proceeded to ask where the boundaries were. Some of the guys laughed and said I wouldn't last that long. Haha. I laughed along with them. Haha. ... I got the feeling I laughed too long. Maybe the joke wasn't that funny. I was nervous. I tried to turn my laugh into a cough. I don't think it worked. Some of the guys started the question me. I panicked and took one of them hostage. When he tried to escape, I shot him. Little did I know, my batteries were dead. My stupid energizer bunny must have not lasted the last hunting season. I have my theories. So, I did the only thing I could think and I laughed some more. They started laughing too.

What the heck am I supposed to do with no batteries? So I thought to myself, what would Chuck Norris do? Then it hit me! Chuck Norris never uses his gun. So, I played with my hands.

The first 3 people couldn't stop starring, enabling me to get close enough to throw a BB at them. Unfortunately, the rest of them caught on. I got hit worse than the energizer bunny. Desperate, I did what any sensable person would do. I called the police and told them two drug deals were going on down by the river and the gangsters were heavily armed. I suggested they shoot first. ... ... They did.

So, anyone want to play airsoft with me? I'm looking for a new group to play with.

(Congradulations to Trevor who finished half of his final post on RFCN -- Bob had to finish the rest-- Somehow I think that'll be the last thing RFCN hears from Trevor.)

The Way It Used To Be

2008-06-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

Life used to be so much simpler. My parents always told me I had it good when I was a kid, but I never realized it until now. Think about it…

When you’re a little boy and you see a girl what did you do? Chances are you either ran away, ignored her, or made fun of her. Any of those options sound good today? Young boys don’t have to try to not think about girls all the time, they never do anyway. Now it’s like “not gonna think about girls, not gonna think about girls, not gonnawhoa there’s a hot chick!” No wait, I think I did that when I was seven years old too.

When you’re a little girl all you had to do was hit the boy if he bugged you and it was ok! Parents are all like “What did you do Robbie! You’re grounded.” Now they …. Oh wait, they can still do that.

When you’re a little kid, all you have to do is throw a tantrum long and hard enough and the parents are bound to give in. Now you have to actually…. Oh wait, you can still do that too.

When your young and you want a job, your dad or a close friend would set you up with a little work at his place. Now to get a job, you have to... oh wait, that's still how it works. ... At least for Cody (oO yes I just did that) (Don't blame me! Chris helped right this post too! So it could have been him that said that)

... Maybe things aren't so different.

I'm Such a Responsible Student

2008-06-21T02:01:00.000-07:00

So, I was at the Ong's house right before a 6am morning flight. I had an online college art class assignment due one of the days I would be gone, so I intended to finish it up early. The assignment is 25 questions long and has an hour time limit. Since I was attempting to do the open book quiz without having pre-read a word of it, I would definitely need all 60 minutes. About 2/3rds of the way through, Mrs Ong announced it was time to go to bed. She was determined to get us in bed and well-rested for nationals. Robert Ong tried to convince her that I was doing something constructive (such as not flunking a college class) but somehow these arguments were all too common to her. A few minutes later she turned off the internet to convince us to go to bed. The result? 10 minutes out of my 60 minutes and a lot of distraction. I did managed to almost finish the quiz. Luckily for me, I get two attempts as long as there is 24 hours in between attempts. I went down while in my hotel in AL to try my second attempt a few minutes before it was due.

Because the Internet was turned off, the quiz was never submitted even though time had expired.

Needless to say, I spent the time I would have spent on the quiz... writing an email to my professor. It was hard for me to tell him what really happened.

Isn't kissing up great?

Mrs Ong still doesn't know that I was really doing an online quiz. I guess I don't have a lot of credibility.

Illegal Immigration: Before and After

2008-06-05T13:23:00.000-07:00

People often ask me: "Has debating illegal immigration policy changed your perspective". Yes, but its very hard to describe. I have decided to illustrate it.

Before debating illegal immigration
this...

... was a large group of people, probably ralying against Hilary Clinton

This...

... was an employee getting hired

and this...

...was the sepreation of freedom and poverty

After debating Illegal immigration

1 in 7 people in this picture are illegal immigrants

This...

... is an Illegal Alien getting hired by an unscrupulous employer

and this...

Probably doesn't exsist... Congress defunded the wall.

I wanted to put this to the test. So I got one of those photos. Yes, one of these

Before? I saw darth Vador. Now? I see 4 border patrol sleeping and playing cards in the middle and 3 large swams of illegal aliens running accross the border, while two groups of illegal aliens are using fake I.D.'s to enter the country. The little tiny dot on the bottom right, is an illegal claiming asylum to enter the country illegal. And, the big awkward looking black spot in the middle is Travis' face.

Ignorance is bliss, and I want my ignorance back! What am I supposed to do now? For a year I read qualified people saying Illegal Immigrants walk across our borders and fill our publich schools. They stand in line for welfare and every kid they have along the way is an American citizen thanks to our 14th amendment.

Then one day it hit me. Maybe this means I might actually run into an illegal immigrant someday. A couple months later and having worked at a green house, all I have to say is, I want my ignorance back.

P.S. I'm off to Debate Nationals in Alabama in two days, wish me luck.

First competition results!

2008-05-31T01:22:00.001-07:00

Well guys, the results are in!

We are pleased to announce the competition was a smashing success! It was a blast. We really would like to thank FCN for cooperating! And... we would like to thank ourselves. Actually, just myself... because as usual, all of the fashion posts came from me.

So, results...

And the winner is ... ::insert drumroll::

Our very own, RFCN!

Winning with a grand total of 32 votes compared to FCN's 26 votes.

If you are confused, it's because we tallied up email votes and the various polls on FCN and RFCN.

Nice try FCN, nice try. Bring it anytime

You're Out!

2008-05-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

We'll, if any of you have ever officiated a sport, you'd know it can be both the most annoying and humorous job you'd ever have. Over the years I've had some pretty stinken funny dialogue with coaches.

So without very ado

Introducing some of the most humorous interactions with people who argue but can't argue well...

1. The funny angry man

::Kid does not slide at home plate when there was a play on him::

Official ruling- Automatic out

A Manager [our former umpire in chief] storms to home plate and says "That's a bunch of bull crap"

Rich ::smiles::

Manager says "ARE YOU SMILING? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?"

Rich "No sir"

Manager "Bull CRAP, you are smiling at me!"

Rich "No ::smiles more:: I'm not..."

::Manager yells profanity and walks away::

2 Calvinball (no really, click the link)

::kid hits a mile long fly ball that makes it all the way to a parking lot and rolls out of sight::

Official ruling- Ground rule double

A manager comes storming out and says "No, no! We have a rule that says that the parking lot is a ground rule triple!"

Me "Great! Its on paper right?"

Manager "No, the last umpire declared that from now on the parking lot is a ground rule triple"

Me "Uh, if its not written down, then I go by the rule book"

::Assistant coach and opposing manager both point out the obvious, that I'm correct::

Manager "Well you didnt' go over this in the pregame meeting! You didn't plan ahead!"

Me "But you told me to start without a meeting!"

3. Short Term Memory

::Coach complains about the first baseman "straddling" the bag will preparing for a pick off attempt by the pitcher::

Official ruling- Perfectly legal

Coach "You have to stop the baseman from straddling the bag!"

Me "That's perfectly legal, as long as he has both feet inside fair territory"

::3 innings later::

Coach "He's doing it again! You have to stop him! Do your job!"

Me "Coach, if you don't remember last time we discussed this, I told you it was legal for him to do that"

4. The Concerned Mom

::Crowed gets out of control and even yells profanity for a good 10 minutes::

Me: "Shuuttttup!! All of you! Or people will need to leave"

A mother mumbles: "How dare he say that in front of my kid"

You know you're an umpire if...

You can only count to 4.

You can't say the word out without pumping a fist

When people ask you a question you reply with "it was a judgement call"

You can convince anyone that you understand what they are saying without actually listening to them

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Hurt

2008-05-26T23:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

It has come to our attention that a recent post came across as offensive to some families. It turns out the Post "Courage Kid, Courage" may been taken to heart by some people. I am very sorry for the hurt I may have caused through my words. For those of you who know me, you know that I do not have mean spirit and I most certainly do not intend to hurt other people. But, I do have a loose tongue and sometimes I say things or do things that do hurt other people. That is why I feel God has laid it on my heart to apologize for my actions and I hope that you all might be able to forgive me. I know that we deleted the post, but I know that won't be able to delete it from your mind. I am sorry if I deeply wounded anyone. That was not the intent of the post. But, I know, words are words, and they can never be taken back.

- Sincerly Yours
Zech Keenan

What's Your Fashion Statement?

2008-05-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

Fashion is not just an attempt to keep clothes on your body in order to remain decent (although it may be for some guys), but it is also a way to express yourself. I will suck up my manly pride and admit that a search for a good fashion statement may warrant a little shopping... and I do mean, a little shopping. It may be necessary for a guy to spend 10 minutes once every few months to maybe take a look at what color the clothes are before just buying it. I'm not so sure girls run into the same problem. If you can shop in 10 minutes, I'm free Monday night, call me ;-)

What a girl wears says more about her then anything else a guy can figure out while glancing at her as she's walking by, or at a signal light. Sometimes, people want to make a bold statement, and sometimes they just don't realize what they look like. How do you tell someone when they are wearing something that just doesn't' work?

After many years, I have finally realized, guys can't. Girls only care what other girls think about their fashion. It started after Adam gave Eve a blank stare after she asked him if she looked better in fig leaves or olive leaves. From then on, girls just stopped caring about what guys say on fashion. Guy: "Hey, I don't' think you look good in yellow strips." Girl: "Well, Cindy said I look cute in it." Guy: "Yeah, but I just think you should leave that in the 70's where it belongs" Girl: "This is why I don't ask you. I think it'll look cute."

I'm just wondering two things.
1: Why would a girl ask if something looks good, if she really doesn't want to know?
2: Why do girls care more about what other girls think, when its the guys they are trying to attract?

Fashion #2 Designer Sunglasses

2008-05-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Cindy. Cindy was a very pretty girl, but she was incredibly self-conscious about her face. She thought she looked like this, but she really looked like this and she wanted to look like this. Cindy went to work to discover a formula to hide her face. She tried wearing one of these, or walking around like this. She even tried walking around like this because this wasn't working and this was just weird. Finally she discovered sunglasses. She thought to herself, if people already wear them, I can just make them bigger.

So she did.

Soon every self-conscious girl in the world, also known as every girl in the world, started a trend with the sunglasses.

Just as surely as girls never stop becoming self-conscious about some part of their body, the trend continues with a huge force behind it.

Thanks Cindy, thanks.

If this sad, sad story isn't' enough to convince you, here's three reasons not to wear designer sunglasses.

1. Your face is pretty, just wear it.

2. If guys can't see your face, what else are they going to look at?

3. If Saturn, Mars and that one star fell out of orbit in front of the sun, while earth was invaded with giant walking string beans, you wouldn't be able to see.

Fashion #1

2008-05-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

Let the contest begin!
The people have spoken. https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=3366488940857051388&postID=2796665788266684275 They chant cries of fashion and dress. We shall appease the people. The next three days will be posts on fashion.

"Fashion is like ice cream. There is no wrong flavor, just some people have really bad taste." -Robert

Lesson 1: Eskimo boots

Why do people wear them? We shall dress... I mean, address the deep historical and social tension of this very question.

Top reasons

1. They are comfortable.

I would definitely have to say, this an interesting reason. Last time I wore something because it was "comfortable", I was incarcerated. But supposing this was a legimate reason, not legitimate like, honestly legitimate, but just legitimate enough to throw another cloned steak on the barbie, there would still be a question in my mind. Why would girls be willing to wear high heels then? Maybe beauty comes before comfort?

2. They look cool (literally)

Honestly, since when did we start stealing fashion tips from Eskimos?

These boots are made to look like they are ready for the snow, right? Like Cody was made for politics? Like Travis was made to get dumped and rejected by women? Like Daniel was made for... wait, what was Daniel made for? Well, its all wrong anyways (the boots being ready for the snow that is). If you were to wear them in the snow, it would be worse than bare feet; they would turn into ice cubes. So I ask you, why would you want to wear snow boots that really only work in the summer? And you would ask me, why does FCN contiue to make jokes about their 12 visitors? But that's off topic. Its so obvious! So your feet sweat and overheat ... while you look like an Eskimo (If you thought that was a compliment, just stop reading. Go read FCN or something). Maybe, if people read a little history before they picked their clothes, they would realize how the Eskimo's died off. No, it wasn't the government, or Hilary's test run of universal health care in Antarctica. It was Global warming. We aren't talking about spring Mr Cheney. We are talking about, you know, that theory you get a nobel prize just for teaching. Why would warm air kill an Eskimo? If you can't answer that, forget about understanding the deep intellectual jokes of FCN. Actually, if you don't understand half of their outside references, we're all in the same boat there.

Now I wonder, did the Eskimo's die off because they wore Eskimo boots in the heat? Or did they die off because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the heat? Obviously since the Eskimo died, and died while wearing the Eskimo boots, the Eskimo died because of wearing the boots. For those of you that do not like my reasoning, I added a footnote.

If they died off because they wore Eskimo boots, that would lead to the conclusion that they died because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots. However, if they died because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots, maybe they didn't wear the Eskimo boots when they died. Maybe, they just fell over and died. Because, anyone dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the heat is dumb enough to die without the Eskimo boots, right? But Eskimo's and Eskimo boots are not mutually exclusive. Can you have an Eskimo, that wears boots, that doesn't' wear Eskimo boots? Obviously not. When an Eskimo wears a boot, its an Eskimo boot, because its worn by an Eskimo. And since Eskimo's always wear boots, the Eskimo boots killed the Eskimo.

Or was it Al Gore that killed the Eskimos... But wait! It's all coming together... if you are dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the summer... then maybe you should be extinct too? And I don't mean extinct like those polar bears who are increasing in population. But isn't this all part of that other theory?

No, that's just cruel. I couldn't bare the thought of a world without females. No Jessica Alba. No Carrie Underwood. Not even a wild snorlax. Only Him. And Him. And wow... that guy's kinda cute. Opps, I meant this guy. And I'm not too sure whether this "guy" would be there. But anyways... That is not to say, I couldn't bare the thought of females without worthless snow wanna-be boots. But then again, its not looking like a world without females is what we should be worried about (no really, click the link).

So, for the love of all that is good and holy and beautiful, please don't wear Eskimo boots.

RFCN fashion advice tip #1 "Think to yourself, what would an Eskimo not wear? And then, wear it. Unless of course you thought of not wearing anything."

The 8 stages of womanhood

2008-05-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

1. Grow up

2. Have babies

3. Vow to never have babies again

4. Forget about how painful child birth was

5. Have more babies

6. Vow to never have babies again

7. Forget about how painful child birth was

8. Die

People say we are too unsympathetic about child birth because we are guys. So, to make ourselves qualified to make fun of it, we came up with a solution. We heard the closest pain a guy can feel compared to child birth is passing a kidney stone. So, to simulate this, we injected a rock into Trevor's ureter. Trevor is currently unable to comment on the pain, but we sure do appreciate Trevor's sacrifice so that we could make fun of child birth.

P.S., please pray for Trevor... Its been a week and he still has the rock inside him. We think the rock may be too big.

Which brings us to another point...

We are now taking donations for Trevor's surgery. We didn't think about the fact that Trevor only has a cheap HMO with his Starbucks job. The HMO denied the treatment on the basis that it was "experimental surgery". If we don't' get enough money, I'm going to have to do the surgery myself.

Who's your Wright?

2008-05-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had someone come into your life and literally screw up everything? Maybe someone you didn't mind having around before, but now that you are in the spot light, it really bothers you. Well, Obama has. I mean, sure we all have our pastors... and certainly none of them are perfect... but this guy makes my pastor's long prayers seem like seem like heaven. wow that was a stupid pun.

Never has Wright been so wrong (wow, another bad pun).

I actually feel sorry for Obama. Sure he may be a democrat, and it would be disappointing if he came to the airport with less luggage than Hilary, but seriously! Do you realize what kind of sermons this guy has been listening to? I mean, if that's what Wright thinks about the U.S., than what must he think about God? Or am I being redundant here... Seems to me like Jeremiah Wright is really testing his first amendment rights, even more so than FCN. People think it so Wright... I mean wrong... that one of Obama's "mentors" is a nut bag. Brilliant! Since Obama could be a nutbag, lets elect Mrs Clinton who IS a nutbag. That kind of sloppy thinking will never land you a tenure.

I think I'm going to find a way to broadcast Mr Wrong's sermons as a comedy series. Probably just so I could come up with a clever title...

"The Wright wrong"
"Right, Wright is wrong"
"The wrong Wright"

Ok I'll stop right there... you get the idea.

Fight!

2008-05-13T23:41:00.001-07:00

RFCN and FCN have had peace for too long. They've kept it all inside, but we all knew it would come out. Now, its time!

::drumroll::

From the creators of the two "funniest" blogs in the history of the world, bring you...

Impromptu blogging!

We would like our fans to participate! This is how it works...

For exactly one week, fans from both sides of the aisle will send emails to reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com and funnyclassnotes@gmail.com with topics. Topics should be 8 words or less and can be on anything! The authors from FCN and RFCN will then take the topics and write posts on them.

Contributors will have exactly three days to write as many posts as possible. Both blogs will write on the same topics.

Topics will be judged on...

creativity
humor
audience captivity
class

At the end of the three days, any fan who reads the blogs will be allowed to vote. Specific methods of voting will come soon.

Woman has enlightening baptism experience

2008-05-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

RFCN news, Sunday, May 11th. 10:27 p.m.
There have been a series of unfortunate events in Arkansas that apparently all started with a baptism. A 59 year old woman with heart conditions was reportly getting baptized by her pastor of 30 years. The elderly pastor apparently did not hear the screams and gasps for breath of the woman in between the father and the son, and drowned her shortly before the holy spirit. The pastor says this is the first time anything close to this has happened in his career, and apologized for the lack of attention during the baptism. This, however, has not stopped the family from pressing charges. "This should be an open and closed case", said the families attorney, "the whole congregation witnessed it and 359 people have agreed to testify." If convicted, the pastor may serve time in prison for manslaughter. The family and their attorney say they are investigating whether this was pre-meditated or intentional on the part of the pastor as the 59 year old woman was known for galling the pastor repeatedly after many of his free-will sermons. "He just ain't speaken the truth, free-will is a lie", said a woman that sat next to the 59 year old woman in the front row. We wondered what this had to do with the murder. Either way, this truly was a heavenly experience for the 59 year old woman.

How can I say this?

2008-05-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

So, last night I was at an umpire meeting where I found out my boss took 5 dollars off every game I did, then added 30 minutes to my games and gave me the 5 dollars back. Not sure how that works? Neither am I... but later on in the night, he offered to give me a game tonight by myself. Translation? Double pay. He did mention he wanted to call one final person on his list to see if the guy could work with me. I glanced over at his sheet as he revealed to me who it was. "Some guy named Dave", he replied.

Let me introduce you to Dave. Dave was my former boss, and president of the little league where I work... that is until he had a minor case of road rage. By minor case of road rage, of course I mean he smashed someone's window in with a baseball bat. How fitting...

"Oh dave! He was... he was the guy who... he was the president of this league!"

How could I tell him? I guess I really couldn't. Of course my boss said, "Great! Then he knows all about baseball".

"More like baseball bats" I mumbled.

Fortunately for me, Dave couldn't make it.

Whew

Did You Really Think You Could Catch Me?

2008-04-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

So, I was walking out of the garage and I ran into my mom. I said "excuse me" and quickly grabbed a towel in the kitchen. She replied as she turned around and followed me: "Do you want to give me that?" "This?", I replied, pointing to the towel. "You aren't my first kid, you know. Why don't you hand me the ice cream bar?" "Dang it"

Little did she know she isn't my first parent. Ok so maybe she is, but I had already eaten one in the garage and I had one in my pocket as well as my sock. Yep, can't pull one on me. I purposely wanted her to catch me with the one in my hand while pretending to be mad. I'm so smart.

This is all part of my larger plan to take over the world. You are falling right into it.

Poker: Just One More Hand

2008-04-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

If any of you have facebook, you'd know about the applications and different game options. One of the game options is of course, Poker! Its really quite a blast because you can play against friends and all that jazz. I don't play any video games on my own, so I found it to be a very enjoyable break from the usual routine. And by break, of course I mean add it on to my late night festivities because I never have time for a break. Poker on facebook works like this. They give you a few chips to start with and you try to earn more. You can earn a couple thousand chips for inviting people and even more when people accept the application on their facebook. Unfortunately I joined the application so late that the only people left to invite that hadn't already accepted it were three homeschool mothers. That just wasn't going to happen.

So I started poker with 1 hundred chips, and within 3 days, I had nearly 10,000. Day 4? 13,489 chips, all aquired in a few hours total. I quickly developed a working strategy. It went like this: when you have a top 4 hand, you go all out. This doesn't necessarily mean "all in" because you want to suck as many chips from the other players as possible. If they raise, you raise as much as you can. Now begins my demise. As I went on, I got a little more big headed. And by this I mean, I was ridiculously good and unstoppable. I joined a few high stake games and gain a lot more chips. This one game, day 6 of my poker experience, I decided I would join the game with 70% of my chips. I wasn't going to be "stupid", I was just going to wait until I had a great hand, slowly suck some of the high chip holders into the pot, and then force them to defend the chips.

I got the perfect hand; King and Jack, suited in hearts. First three cards were all hearts and all the cards were low enough to make a flush the highest possible hand. I went all in. So did this another player. Perfect right?

Ace and 3 suited in hearts...

The one card that could win was an Ace making it the highest possible hand. What are the odds?

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I didn't want to talk about it.

I didn't bet any money. I only played poker for 6 days, and it still ruined my life.

Poker sucks.

Food discovery

2008-04-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

I was staying up late one night and I was eating pringles. I lost track of a BBQ pringle in my hand and it ended up in my orange juice. Then it hit me, this is how great food is discovered! On accident! Right? So I ate the pringle.

Let it be known: pringles in orange juice taste like crap.

The Ugliest Cars the World has Seen

2008-04-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

That's right. We went there. Here are the ugliest cars we've ever seen.

AMC Gremlin

It's weak, it's ugly, and it doesn't look finished. I mean seriously, where is the second half of the car? Looks like someone just forgot to add it, to all of them. It was introduced on April 1st, 1970. Nuf' said.

Pontiac Aztec

Wow. There is just no excuse for an SUV this ugly. I haven't seen one of these in at least a year, I think the picture explains that.

Ford Pinto

If looks could kill, you'd be driving a Ford Pinto. Yeah, you knew it'd be on here somewhere. This little car is hard to look at, and if you get rear ended it blows up too. It's like an imitation Gremlin, but scarier.

Yugo

Even the owners wouldn't own up to it. Apparently explosive cars were important 40 something years ago. This car, like the Pinto, had problems with exploding, namely: it did. On top of that, it just doesn't look to appealing. On the plus side, if you dion't like the way it looks new, you don't have to worry, it'll look different by the time you get it home. The Yugo was a car that fell apart as you drove.

1998 Fiat Multipla

You've probably never seen one of these before, and you're probably glad. This thing is beyond ugly. In fact, I might even own an Aztec over this thing. Eww.

AMC Pacer

It seems the Gremlin wasn't ugly enough. AMC out did themselves this time. There are so many great descriptions of this car I think I'll let other people do the talking. One commentator called it "a pregnant roller skate," another said "Not only UGLY but two different-sized front doors!" In summation, "Six feet long, eight feet wide, bicycle tires all around, and 0 to 60 in four-and-a-half hours. What a prize! AMC's only conceivable excuse for this engineering and stylistic horror would be if their 1970s design crew was tripping on massive quantities of acid...and even then...it wouldn't be a good excuse." What is there left to say?

1933 Fuller Dymaxion

Never heard of it? Neither had I. Can't say I was missing much. Where do you start on a "car" like this? Time magazine described the inventor as "one of the century's great nutjobs, a walking unorthodoxy." That should help you understand this vehicle. I just have to explain this thing, it's a great story. This wacko wanted this thing to be a drivable plane. He wanted to put inflatable wings on it. Obviously that didn't work out. So what we are left with is a cockpit that is steered by the single rear wheel. That's right, only three wheels. That single rear wheel, that was soley responsible for the direction you went, "had a wicked death wobble."

1958 Zunndapp Janus

This thing just scares the crap out of me. It was powered with a 14 horsepower engine. I think my lawnmower has more power... You know how we joke about a car going 0-60 in like 3 hours? This thing couldn't even hit 60. 50 was it's limit. Who would drive something like that? Still trying to figure out which side is the front? So am I. Looking inside doesn't really help. The Janus had a rear facing bench for the back seat, that way you could watch death approach.

Well, I could keep going for days. This list is anything but exhastive. But let's just leave it there for now. Until next time, enjoy the car you are fortunate enough to not have to drive.

The age of taxablelization

2008-04-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

"Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow"

April 15. Screams that can be heard around the globe. Arguably the most hated day in the United States along with Gay awareness (rights) day, valentines day and everyday FCN posts... It's the day that most Americans realize they really are procrastinators. Most Americans also realize maybe they should have taken that math class or tax class in college, or paid a little more attention in high school. Tax assistants and accountants make thousands of dollars off of people who feel uncomfortable lying for themselves.

"65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women." --Jay Leno

We've all heard the horrors of the 16th amendment day. But there comes an age in everyone's life, where they realize the 16th amendment actually applies to them. This was me a year ago. One of the killer things about working as an independent contractor, is your duty to withhold income taxes from your own pay checks. It's even more fun when you forget, and realize you have to pay 500 dollars of money you spent.

'Death: "to stop paying taxes suddenly."'

Few things in this world can be as painful as withholding your own income taxes. I've heard that having your bladder freeze and explode comes close. Sure I have heard of income taxes, and people complaining, and people going to jail, and people screaming about April 15th, but I think a part of me continued to believe "it won't happen to me". Sure I sang the Reliant K song "Death and Taxes" and I've heard all the funny quotes, but it just wasn't going to happen to me.

It happened.

How can the government do this to me! Don't they realize I need the money! Besides, they are just going to go waste it on things like... oh wow, 2 million things just came to mind. What about me? I need carls jr. But the way I get through it, is by thinking of the bright side. For one, the government spends more money than we pay in taxes. That's nice of them isn't it? And also, we must consider that the government is using the money for our interests. Take for example Iraq... ... wait, What are my interests in Iraq? ... ok bad example. But there are others! For example, the government uses our tax dollars to:

Research on the sex lives of squirrels

Determine if shyness in monkey children can lead to depression later in life

Determine how pigeons learn, and what they are thinking

Let me get this straight: I gave up Carls Jr so some squirrel can have two kids, and a monkey won't be depressed.

I feel like a better person now. Just don't ask me how I feel about those other things government spends my money on.

And all that for a law that never was.

I heard the government doesn't tax the rich. So I think I'll be rich so I can have more money. Then, I'll hire 20 of the best tax accountants in the world to find a way by which the rich people can pay taxes. Then, I'll pay taxes just to spite the IRS.

No wait, they'll probably keep my money and then send me to jail for paying taxes when I shouldn't have.

I think I'll settle for sending in this letter...

Dear IRS:
Enclosed is my 1997 Tax Return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return.

Thanks, Robert

The 8 stages of manhood

2008-04-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

First stage: Dada? What you doing to your face?

Second stage: Dad? Can I shave too?

Third stage: I shave everyday. Sometimes I need to shave twice a day. In fact, I think I need to shave right now.

Fourth stage: I think I can get away with another day...

Fifth stage: Mom, I'm growing a beard.

Sixth stage: I shave at 6:13 a.m. every morning right before I go to work. This way I won't need to shave until I'm in bed at 8:56 p.m. and I can hold off until 6:13 the next day.

Seventh stage: I start everyday with a clean face and end the day with a beard. As long as I dont' see the same people twice in one day, no one ever knows.

Eigth state: My kid wants to shave, how do I tell him it's not worth it?

Carrie me away

2008-04-09T11:17:00.000-07:00

I have to apologize to my friend Bob. Bob told me Carrie Underwood was extremely hot. I didn't believe him. Then I saw a picture of her. Bob was right.

Carrie Underwood, I know you probably read my famous humor blog. If you are out there, I just want to say, we could make this work! Unlikely love stories happen everyday. Fairy tales come true! They have to, because I'm in love with you.

Please, just hear me out.

You're rich and famous... I am an author on the popular blog RFCN...

You're extremely talented... I like girls who are extremely talented...

You're extremely hot... I like hot girls...

You dont' like girls... I dont' like guys...

We have everything in common. We dont' have to talk about this, let's just get married.

I could live in your rich mansion and I'm sure you make enough to get me through college and have a few parties along the way.

Please? Pretty please? Just this once?

How to rip off ronald

2008-04-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

Below are 11 ways that make "TINSTAAFL" seem as if it simply isn't true. Now, it should be understood that these are not things that we have tried ourselves or recommend for you to try, but merely ways that we would do it-- if we were to do it.

1. "I forgot my money"

3 step process:
order your food, forget your money, act sorry at the window. Works every time.

2. "1 large frite"

2 step process:

Order a large sprite, at the window ask "where's my large fry". Act very, very mad.

TIP: Make sure they serve sprite; bring money just in case.

3. "I have a buy one get one free coupon"

When ordering, tell them you have a buy one get one free coupon. 11 times in a row and counting, they forgot to ask for it. I have yet to do it on purpose, but I did start keeping track of how many times we both forgot.

TIP: you may think that this is a lame number 3 suggestion, but in reality... this is probably the only one that will actually work, and you don't end up in jail. Keep that in mind before you try anything stupid.

4. "You forgot my burger dude"

It's the oldest one in the book, "I was here earlier and you didn't give me my Big Mac". Be advised, that this one takes more work at In and Out. They will actually check their records to see if you ordered it. So, order a lot of stuff and say it fast. It's all in the wording, you didn't give me the burger I ordered... (not that I paid for it). At McDonalds... you're good to go, just be sure that they didn't actually forget your burger because chances are they did.

TIP: Where a suit or bring an adult. No more then 2 teens can be in the car for this one to work.

5. Smile at the girl

TIP: Axe, and good looks to begin with... and bring money just in case.

6. The 1 car sneak

Skip the ordering window, but hang out in-between windows until some orders behind you. Hope that they order something good. If you get caught, tell them it's been a long day and you thought you had ordered or that this was your first time in a drive though and you didn't know.

7. The Sprinter

Strap on the Nikes, you have 0.1-3 seconds while the bag is held outside of the window before it makes it into the car. Time it well. Watch out for the elbow and the left hand mirror. DO NOT STOP RUNNING. after the dude realizes that taco bell ain't paying for another crunch wrap... he will be coming. A getaway car will increase the likelihood of you ever getting a chance to eat that crunch wrap.

Run buddy, run.

TIP: To increase the emotional impact, listen to Chariots of Fire or Mission Impossible for 3 hours before you begin and during the endeavor too. It also decreases seconds thoughts.

8. The sprinter Advanced

Same as number 7, but you have a friend. He orders a bunch of stuff on the menu (enough for you and him), make sure he never actually touches the bag (that way they can't say it's his fault and besides I doubt they have a standard procedure for this type of thing). They'll remake the food. Even though this does require a little more planning, it's worth it. You don't have to worry about the angry dude chasing you, the elbow or the chance that you open it up and find a $.79 taco. And if done right, you'll have a 10 second window instead of 2 seconds.

TIP: this friend, better be someone you trust... he could really screw you.

9. Bring your old cup

At some places, they will even let you get away with is. I mean that as opposed to you getting away with it because you didn't get caught or you came at 3:30 in the morning and made your own door.

10. "This burger tastes like crap"

Eat half the burger, ask for the manager. Ask him why there is mayo on it...

TIP: Anger!! They had better think you're capable of a service complaint that makes it to people in high places.

11. Check the receipt

There should be a number on it to call for a service complaint, they'll send you a free meal coupon.

If you would like permission to use any of these, it will only cost you a free meal at carls. We've been low on funds ever since we tried to hire those assassins.

Irony is...

2008-04-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

...employing someone to find the number of unemployed people.

We love N

2008-04-03T23:06:00.000-07:00

So, it hit me the other day. We always diss Travis and Cody, but what about the 3rd author of RFCN? How come we never smack on him?

Then it hit me... its because RFCN likes N.

I'm not really sure why... so I put together some theories...

R--N? You know how they say that people can read words as long as the first and the last letter are in its proper place? Well maybe N is just that important.

Or maybe He's just the normal one at FCN...

N... if you can hear us... please make FCN stop hijacking itself... we know its F and C's idea... so just make it stop.

How to take over the world, gamma version 1.1 patch 3.0

2008-04-01T21:23:00.001-07:00

I realized today that I've been wasting my time. Education? Its pointless. A genius is a genius no matter how... Ok that doesn't really work... Anyways. So what I should really be focusing on is how to get to the top of the food chain. How to be the king of the jungle; the hotshot; the man with the money; the man who makes the salsa. After all, at the end of the day, its the man with the biggest sombrero that wins right?

Here's my 10 point plan.

1: Build up my PR... Cody Herche style. Yes, I am going to suck up to every parent this side of the Mississippi. I won't have to worry about the other side of the Mississippi because they'll all be destroyed with my plan.

2: Become an adamant liberal. Sorry Dr Paul, I'm really going to be a democrat now.

3: Buy a sombrero.

4: Run for city council and act like I'm mayor.

5: Become questionably involved in a number of business and professional scandals...

6: Make half the world hate my guts while simultaneously making the other half love me because they think the first half hates me due to sexism and my liberal views.

7: Wait for Hillary to come knocking on my door and accept her offer for VP.

8: Wait for Hillary to take over the world.

9: Put Hillary in a box, and put that box in another box, send that box to myself and smash... you get the point

10: Take over the world.

R-FCN

2008-04-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentleman, children of all ages, and Travis,
it brings me great pleasure, highest honor, and a touchy feely feeling inside to announce to you:

The MERGE of RFCN and FCN!

Yes, we have agreed that the only thing better than RFCN, and FCN, is RFCN! (FCN + RFCN = RFCN... what? Do you know a better way? Should we be called FCNRFCN? Didn't think so...)
Yes, from now on, you will get twice the humor! Twice the the lame inside jokes! Twice the subtle!!!! Wait... is there a such thing as subtle!!!!!?

Yes, we finally broke down and let FCN in on our readers and our success. After all, part of our success is due to them! Where would we gotten the last 3 letters of our name? We would lose our "four letter word" status. That, we could not bare.

Without FCN... we would be nobodys... we would have uninfluenced humor that might have been funny. We could have had millions of readers instead of thousands... And nobody would realize we only post a few times a month and not everyday... thanks FCN, thanks.

So, welcome FCN welcome!

FCN will close down their site in 5 days and we'll have our 1st post on April 5th.

Note to self

2008-03-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Never play ninja and try to take down two foes (bros) blindfolded in a crowded house. I think I almost broke my hand punching a bookcase.

My holiday secret

2008-03-23T19:43:00.000-07:00

One of the nice things about having so many authors on RFCN is that I can post without everyone knowing it was me. So, I'm going to post my holiday secret.

Every holiday, I get stuck with the same chore: sweeping the kitchen floor. I'm convinced no one actually looks at the floor when they come over for dinner. But we've all been there; if the parents say they notice it, they notice it. My parents notice if I failed to use the dustpan and tried the old "spread it across the floor" or "sweet it under a corner" trick. They even discovered my latest one: "put it under the mat in the living room". I still don't get how they figured out I've been dumping the sweepings under a mat three rooms away. As a kid, I felt a patriotic duty to outsmart my parents. I did.

And they wonder why I never take any of mom's soup.

To heck and back

2008-03-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

So, Rich and I went off to Gustine (?) to umpire a high school baseball game. If you haven't heard of Gustine before, its pretty easy to locate on the map; its right next to nowhere and heck. It was a decently long ride up there, and a very interesting game (a story for another post) but we did get there. I wish I could say that much for our trip back. Maybe I should have had a clue by the fact that we got lost going TO the game, but regardless, the story goes a little something like this:

::45 minutes into a deep conversation::

Me: Rich!

Rich: Bob, just let me finish talking, I am almost done.

Me: Rich!!

Rich: Bob, I really want to say this!

Me: RICH! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON THIS ROAD??

Rich: Uh, I was going to say on it until it ended, was I supposed to turn?

Me: You should have turned 35 minutes ago!

We crossed under highway 5 before I discovered out position on the map.

How can someone stay on a road he's never seen, with no plan at all, for 35 minutes farther then he was supposed to, and somehow only add about 5 minutes to the trip?

"How did you beat us? -Kuzco Well by all means, it doesn't make sense on the map"- Kronk

Brilliance!

2008-03-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

The basic economic law of supplies of demand says that whatever is wanted will be unlimitedly supplied by economists. I am here to tell you that other people can supply and not just economists. I am no economist (although I have a lot of knowledge about the supplies of demand) but I have found a way to be a supplier. Here's my brilliance...

I have noticed that girls who are pregnant are afraid of looking fat. And girls who are fat, are not afraid of looking pregnant. And now I'm afraid of being killed by a pregnant girl... So, there must be a demand for girls who are pregnant to want everyone to know they aren't fat... and consequently a demand for fat girls to want everyone to think they are pregnant, without asking them if they are.

This is where I come in. I am going to create a tee shirt that says:

I'm not fat, I'm pregnant.

Who wants to use my idea? I only want 60% of the profits.

Itching for Ye Good Olde Days

2008-03-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

Technology these days is disappointing. I've decided it isn't worth the bother. I now believe that the Amish really do have something. This whole "electricity" thing? Yeah, just not doin' it for me. So here's why.

1. You spend more time trying to figure out how it works then it could ever hope to save you. Have you ever tried to put something more complicated then a light bulb together? I mean seriously folks, you don't even have to put a light bulb together! When you actually do put things together you have two options: 1. be a man, 2. be a woman. By that I mean you can either use directions or not. Guys don’t use them, so here I'm talking to the women out there. Can you read what they say? Chances are you can't. It's either in a foreign language, or it was and the translation is horrible. I mean, does anybody actually think to edit those things? Come on! There is a thing called "spell check," it's on just about EVERYTHING now days. Then of course you have to figure out what your item actually does. You may think "that's stupid, you bought it, you should know what it does at least." To you I would reply "you apparently don't know any men." You see, guys will buy the newest technology just because it's cool. If it's fast, breaks things, or blows things up, you can bet your green card your man will buy it. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, by the time you DO figure out what it is, what it does, and how to get it together, it's out of date and you have to buy a new one. Then you repeat the whole process all over again. It's a vicious cycle.

2. Then of course you have all the dangers that come with new technology.

A. Microwaves (heating appliances) scared people for a while. The thought was that all those focused microwaves (small squiggly lines that do bad things) being emitted might cause cancer in people. Can you believe that? How in the world do people get these ideas? Microwaves are meant for GOOD. Good things do not cause bad things. I think the Supreme Court said that .... or something.

B. Technology makes you fat. If you're a normal American you probably spend about 5 hours a day either checking email, playing with your iPod or iPhone or iRack, or playing video games at work. This means you don't have time to exercise or eat healthy and all that junk, blah blah blah, you've all heard this before.

So I think I'm going to be Amish. From now on there's no more technology for me. Just good olde fashion horses and candles. Wish me luck, but don't leave me any comments, I won't be able to see them.

Well deserved.

2008-02-29T21:02:00.001-08:00

One day at work, I'm sitting at one of the tables, after my shift had ended, enjoying some quesodillas when girl that I work with comes over sits with me. So, we were just sitting there talking about work n' stuff for awhile and then she asks me if I want to hear a Really Funny story. So, I said sure. Keep in mind this is a true story about one of her friends, we'll call her Karen, because I forgot her real name.

Karen was house-sitting her friend's house for a couple weeks. Her friends had a dog that was really really old. In fact, the dog was so old they were expecting it to die soon. Well, guess what? While Karen was house-sitting the dog did die. (dog did die: how's that for an alliteration?) Karen was going to bury it in the back yard, but the area she was at wouldn't allow her to bury it there. And this is no small dog either, this is a rather large golden retriever. So, what is Karen to do? She can't bury it. So what does she do? She grabs the biggest suit case she can find, and stuffs the dog into the suit case. She figured she would take the subway back to her house and bury it in her backyard. So, she's down in the subway carting around this huge suit case with a dead animal inside. So, as she struggles to get to the escalator a nice looking man walks up to her and says "hey, that looks kind of heavy, did you need some help with that?" so Karen says "Sure! That would awesome!" As there making they're way to the subway the man asks "So, what do you have in here, anyway?" Karen paused for a second or two trying to think of something that would be more believable then telling the man it was a dead golden retriever. So, she tells him "It's some stereo equipment." "Oh" the man says, then punches Karen in the jaw and takes off with the suit case!

Karen felt a little relieved and sore, but more relieved. And I'm sure she couldn't help but laugh later that some dude on the subway just stole a dead golden retriever. I wonder what he thought when opened the suit case.

Why Men Like Explosions

2008-02-29T12:00:00.000-08:00

Having recently returned from seeing “Transformers”, this editor was struck with the impressive amount of combustion that is encapsulated in the film. In the span of a couple of hours the director managed to fit in at least 3,600 explosions. I place the qualifier “at least” in that sentence because I lost count after I temporarily blacked out from the sheer intensity of three thousand mechanical persons/beings/universes blowing up on screen... all at the same time. If you happened to see “Live Free or Die Hard” you would have experienced much the same thing. This is an intelligent move on the part of the directorial powers that be. They knew that the masculine theater attenders would be checking their watches, ready to walk out if the picture had not fulfilled its 1 explosion/2 deaths ratio in a 10 minute time period. This begs the question; why do men in particular crave great balls of fire? The editors uncover several reasons in the following sections.

1) Explosions are Manly

If explosions are inclined to the very nature of the male species, it would seem to follow that we would derive a special pleasure from them. This is in fact the case. Men carry on a symbiotic relationship with explosions. Explosions could not exist without men, matches, and napalm. Men, in turn, benefit from the satisfying glow and resulting destruction of the detonation. But why are we so attracted to them? This may remain a mystery to the end of the age, but perhaps the next few points will shed some light on the issue.

2) Explosions Indicate Power

As the saying goes, “Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, which results in explosions.” Can anyone deny the truth of this trusty statement? When has any individual gained and held a significant amount of power without averting to an explosion or two? Think of Jack Bauer. Think of Nagasaki. Think of Iraq. [Ed. This proves that explosions are necessary, but not sufficient, for an increase in power.] This is in fact an excellent explanation of why France has never won a war. And until they can get over their fear of their cheese, wine, and impeccably groomed moustaches being contaminated with nuclear material, the editors do not expect them to win any wars in the near or distant future. In summation, we find that when an explosion is witnessed by the general public (albeit from a safe distance), the men get a satisfying feeling that by viewing the spectacle, they too have taken part in the ultimate succinct statement of world domination, the explosion.

3) Explosions Avoid Awkward Situations

How many times have you been in a really uncomfortable situation? One where you wish you could just disappear? You know what I mean. As in “Man this is awkward. Why couldn’t I have a grenade right now, so as to blow the whole situation to kingdom come, albeit from a safe distance?” One that may be familiar to many of us is the dramatic-pause-turned-awkward-pause-in-the-2AR. Yes the self-generated delusions of grandeur come crashing down two minutes into the speech, leaving you feeling melodramatic and exposed. Ah, for the want of a flash-bang grenade a round was lost! It’s true. Men can be cowards, and we’re often more willing to blow a gaping hole in the music than face it.

4) Explosions: The Duct Tape of Life

Similar and yet different to the previous point, explosions are the layman’s, and for that matter non-layman’s, remedy to a situation that is simply not up to snuff. PC running a little slow? There’s an answer for that. Get a Mac. Mac running slow? Blow it up. There is no excuse for a Mac to be running any slower than blazing fast. On a media-centered note, I personally believe the movie “Pride and Prejudice” would have enjoyed much greater box office success if the romantic scene at the end of the picture had culminated in the tactical use of a generous amount of C-4. “Mrs. Darcy... Mrs. Darcy... Mrs. Dar-*House blows up* Dang it!”

Conclusion

We believe the sufficient coverage in this article has been... sufficient. It should now be clear as to why the masters of the Y chromosome use the "Just Say Yes" policy when it comes to combustible material.

We aren't dead... imagine that

2008-02-23T01:20:00.000-08:00

Sup people.

Instead of an eloborate intro let us just say this: we decided not to die.

Here's a little message from each of the RFCN contributors.

"We are back, people! We are back and are ready for a new season of laughter and random posts that will have you dying with laughter......although we really don't want you to die of laughter. We might have a lawsuit on our hands if that happened. So, if any of you do die, sue FCN instead, because they ARE the reason we started our blog. So, prepare yourself! RFCN is going to deliver top-notch posts that will have you clamoring for more. And if not clamoring, then maybe just a deep sense of satisfaction that you've just enjoyed the time you wasted" - Zech

"Well, I guess I should start by saying "we are not dead." I think you know what I mean. The severe lack of postage in the last month or two could not have gone unnoticed. Let me be the second to tell you, this will not happen again. We are back. In solidarity with the Writers Guild we took a break, but since they are back, we are back! I think now would be a good time to explain what I mean be "we." I do not mean "we" in the usual sense of the word, because I do not include myself in the context. I was never here in the first place, so I could never have left. I am just getting started. Ladies and gentlemen.... and FCN, we are back and better then ever." - Chris "

yeah... btw now might be a good time to tell you that Chris is now a contributor to RFCN. We were going to tell you but I guess we never got around to it. But never-the-less now, you know and boy are we coming back strong because our single biggest critique is now on our side. muahhahahahaha. I know we talked about quitting quite a bit over the last couple months, but after we talked about it we just couldn't bring ourselves to do it. I mean, what would the world be like without RFCN? I took a look around and I saw 2 small children across the street throwing rocks at the building across the road and I thought... we have to stay, for them, we have to stay. I looked at all our readers who didn't have to read FCN because they found something better, something real... and I thought for them, we have to stay, for them, we have to stay." - Richard

"5 bucks says all my fellow authors abandon me again and I'll be the only one posting." -Robert

"What the heck Robert? I'll totally take that bet! I could use the money." - Chris

"Dude... Chris... don't take the bet... you'll lose and I don't want to take your money. And I don't have five bucks." - Robert

"Dang it. I'm blogging with poor people. Wasn't this supposed to be good for my reputation?" - Chris

"That's just what we told you Chris. Hey, let's bet your job. If you win, I get your job. If I win, I get five bucks and your job." -Robert

"Robert, I already took your bet, you can't back out now. So stop arguing with me." - Chris

"Go to heck Chris! I hate you... I hereby kick you off of RFCN." -Robert

"Dude, you can't kick me off, we haven't even started yet! Besides, I'm way funnier then you anyway!" - Chris

"Are not!" - Robert

"Whatever Robert, just, whatever." - Chris

"So yeah. We are back. Be prepared FCN. Who knows what you need to be prepared for, but make sure you are prepared." -jon

Katie and Trevor were both unavailible for comments.

[a few days later...]

.... No wait! Could it be? Yes it is! Don't cry yet! You can stop your plans of protest. Put away your Emo Washing Powder and keep the smiles on your face. Katie has not fallen off the face of the earth -- nor has she abandoned RFCN. She has returned to read this post and say, "you guys are so lucky you have me -- you really need help."

To Our New Padre

2008-02-13T12:22:00.000-08:00

We interrupt this period of whining because something has come to our attention. This, to be more specific.

At this point you're probably expecting us to try to get back or to tell you how much this hurt our pride... but the fact is, we're not going to get back because it didn't hurt; it felt really, really good. You see, we've never had a father before. We were a fatherless blog. ::sniff::

We just want to know how much you really love us FCN. If this is a true relationship and not just some totally fake political alliance, post the below picture on your site within 1 week with no disclaimer or explanation what-so-ever.

We just have to know that you're not going to steal our kidney and run, Daddy.

Oh and btw, we are left with no choice but to say goodbye forever unless this goes down within the week.

Sincerely, your potential godchild RFCN

Did you ever get the feeling you were being watched?

2008-02-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

Well I didnt' get that feeling about RFCN, but I could be wrong. ....

Ok, so in case we have any faithful readers, here's the deal.

It all started at Christmas time when we decided to take a small break. I'm not sure if we wanted to necessisarily take a small break, or a break at all, but now i wonder what difference that detail actually makes.

Well, here we are... a few months into our "small break". By our, I mean me. Because, as I now realized, none of the other authors post...

Well, I had/have a few debate rounds, SAT prep, and one of those, but with enough support, we might actually be willing to get this site going again. By we, I mean I and by support, I mean 15 unique comments.

Keeling Stuff - Part 1

2008-01-07T12:37:00.000-08:00

For the most part, the majority of RFCN posts contain relatively new material. To date, there has not been a post about killing - or the preferred term "keeling" - stuff (eg hunting, fishing, eating steak or potatoes, beating smaller siblings, etc).

Part one.

Keeling is bad. It means that something is dead that wasn't before you did it. As put by someone recently: "Hunting and fishing are...stupid activities...and all players should be on the same playing field...not...one with a gun...and the other defenseless. All it comes down to is the...merciless slaughter of...defenseless animals."
As put by someone else: "What did a cow ever do to hurt you?" We tried to tell him about that one time the rabid cow tried to bite us as we were shoveling food into it's feeder, but he had started to get into his vegetable oil powered VW bus and drive away. I bet he was force fed steak as a child and that's why he's PETA's spinach rep. At any rate, we ate that cow.

I crack myself up

2007-12-18T16:03:00.000-08:00

So, this is kinda funny. Right now, at this very moment, my brother JR is outside in the rain in his shorts and a tee shirt without shoes or a jacket. Why? Well that is a very good question.

You see, it all started when JR tried to take over my desk, so he could play games on Richard's computer. He has become very persistent these days as he thinks he is big enough to take on his brothers. This story herein, negates his former philosophy. After a few different attempts, he took over the computer when I was busy. So, I came in and forcefully removed him from the desk. He did not make it very easy, but in the end, it was him who suffered. The story does not end there. He came back in the room a few minutes later and stated the following...
Robert if you ever touch me again I will punch you so hard in the face you will cry forever.
I just laughed.
He continued on, DON'T TRY IT! And then he swung mom's broom and broke the tip off on my back. He still doesn't know it didn't' hurt, but the fear of my retaliation was enough to cause him to run outside in the rain where I locked the door after him. He's been out there for about 20 minutes now (soaked) and every few minutes I just shoot my air soft gun in the air outside and he runs away.

Should I let him in?

Nah, this is still being nicer than if I shot him with my airsoft gun right?

If you are brushing your teeth, don't read this

2007-12-10T12:48:00.000-08:00

Speaking of weird personal information...

I got a new tooth brush. I've been using the new tooth brush for two months. One month ago I realized there is another tooth brush the same color in our bathroom. Sometimes I'd notice it would go unused. However, at times my tooth brush would be wet before I used it. I'm freaked out.

I wish I could say that's all... but the same thing has been happening to my deodorant.

Thanks for reading and as always remember,

Don't try this at home... no really...

2007-12-06T10:59:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be fun to post some of the common Hollywood misconceptions on real life that people find the hard way. It seems so real on the movies, but the following have been known to be untrue... trust us... we tried. (this is not a comprehensive list, just a list of some easy to believe myths)

Wine bottles don't break!
No matter how hard you try, you cannot break a glass bottle on someone's head. It may seem like a funny thing to do, but its more like smashing someone's head with a brick.

Karate-chopping someone's neck does not knock them out
This is where watching too much Get Smart can be dangerous. People do not go unconscious if you hit them behind the neck.

Punching someone once in the face does not knock them out
And this is where watching Mcgyvor can be dangerous. Usually fist fights go on until someone bleeds to death... or runs out of energy to punch.

Torturing someone doesn't always work
Unlike 24 would have you believe, terrorists dont' always tell the truth when they say something under pressure. Heck, if I was a terrorist being tortured, I'd send them on every wild-goose-chase I could think of.

Stabbing someone doesn't really kill them
Ok, you've all seen it... A bad guy walks up behind someone and stabs them in the back. The victim has a look of shock as he/she does instantly. Yeah, in real life, you have to stab them 20-30 times or hit a major artery. Even then, they die in a loud, slow, violent manor.

Sometimes, one gun-shot does not kill someone!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,315245,00.html yeah... just because you have expendable, low-paid bad guys does not mean they die at the thought of a bullet. Nice try hollywood.

That's gotta be a first time

2007-12-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

So, the past few days I've had a severe cold. This meant that I had so much mucus coming out my nose that I had a hard time breathing. But just in case that wasn't enough "TMI", I wanted to share with all of you what happened to me this morning. In the process of trying to pick my nose, I became disoriented... basically my depth perception was off... even though no one can see the inside of their nose anyways. So, I cut the inside of my nose with my nail, which resulted in severe bleeding. I thought this was post worthy... I hope you are all freaked out.

If that didnt' freak you out.... I heard a christmas song 10 more times today...

Thanks for reading RFCN and as always remember

It's the most repetitive time of the year

2007-11-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's official; whether you want it to be or not, the "holiday" season is here. What does that mean? It means that starting on thanksgiving day, TV starts circulating the same Christmas songs over and over. Not long after this, all of the stores begin to play the same Christmas songs. The radio starts playing the same songs and finally, parents start playing their 8 track rotations.

I can't take it anymore. I always think people are singing a Christmas carol when they talk. I sing "White Christmas" in my sleep. I tap "jingle bells" on every hard surface I pass. It's just a few days into the season and I'm already going nuts.

This post isn't supposed to be funny, I'm just using this website to make my global threat. If you are reading this, stop playing Christmas music or the cat dies.

Die Another Day

2007-11-25T14:45:00.000-08:00

The day began the same as any other day. I woke up early afternoon, mainly because my little brother was delaying my breathing by sitting on my lungs and yelling "nuclear wedgie!! Nuclear wedgie!! The wedgie part didn't bother me too much because I sleep in the nude, (jk) but not breathing was a minor inconvenience. I quickly got up, threw him against the wall and began my day. During my morning shower (or mid-afternoon), I observed that my mom probably wasn't home because she usually she starts pounding on the door after about 25 minutes. As I got out, I grabed a towel and start drying my hair. I’m was in the process when I noticed that my brothers were interacting with each other just outside the door:

"Come here you idiot"
"Maybe I would if I didn't think you were going to kill...aaahhhhh!!! Mom! Help, Mom!"
"Mom's not here, you're all mine"
"Get off of me! Get your ugly hands off of me!"
"Don't make me do this!"
"I'm not making you do anything, you freaking idiot"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at my stupid brothers. But the joke was on me because as I was standing there laughing, a house fly took the liberty of exploring new places -- my mouth. Immediately thoughts of bacteria and disease spreading in my mouth started to enter my head. To quote my good friend Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982);

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane."

And so I did, I began to spit and blow out as quickly as humanly possible. I did this for about 2 minutes, then, I would pause and repeat the drill all over again. After about 5 minutes of this, I started to get the sense that the fly wasn't in my mouth anymore. As a matter of fact I knew he wasn't, because I hadn't felt him since the initial contact. As I was standing there pondering the thought of swallowing a fly. I heard what could only be the sound of a flying insect hitting a mirror.

Immediately thoughts of death turned to thoughts of revenge, as I very closely mimicked a Transformer evolving from a normal looking 18 wheeler into a robot of doom, death and destruction. But before I had even finished my transformation, I had caught the fly in my hand. It kind of surprised me. I had been counting on a better fight from a fly that was willing to go at a human mano y mano. But none-the-less I was now holding this little man in my hand wondering what to do with it. This was a problem because I didn't want to squish this thing in my hand. As a matter of fact most of my options included a very hands-on approach, except one; without thinking twice I threw him into the toilet and shut the lid.

I know you're probably thinking this wasn't such a good idea, but I gave him a fair amount of momentum. As I flushed it, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to make sure this little demon fly wasn't going to boycott the sewer. So I opened the lid. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!! I should have realized this was no ordinary fly; this little dude was the Jack Bauer of the fly kingdom. He had an embargo on death.

Just as a quick recap,

BEFORE: A minor pride issue. A fly had violated the privacy of my mouth and I wanted to get back.

AFTER: I basically had a flying toilet on my hands. I redefined going insane.

All I had was a towel, so I used it...with passion. I think at this point you can probably fairly well imagine the next 5 minutes, so I will skip the fancy adjectives and unique verb usage and move on. I had killed this little package of sewage madness. I had killed him; so many times he went from the Celestial Kingdom to the Terrestrial Kingdom to the Telestial Kingdom and back to the Celestial Kingdom again. He was dead.

It’s no ordinary day when Jack Bauer dies, but I guess I’m just higher up on the food chain.

Happy Turkey Day

2007-11-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah, what they said. http://funnyclassnotes.blogspot.com/2007/11/happy-thanksgiving.html

An Airsofter's Journey: Part the Twoth

2007-11-19T17:25:00.000-08:00

If you haven't read up on Trevor's airsoft journey, read part one.

As I drove toward the airsoft store, my mind turned naturally to more manly (read: violent) things. I first pondered the Revolutionary War, when our founding fathers waged a war for life, liberty, and that Will Smith movie. World War I, when the world was made safe for democracy . . . until about twenty years later, when we realized fate had played a trick on us and it was actually World War II that was to make the world safe for democracy. The first one was a dry run. Then finally the war we find ourselves currently in, once again to spread the amazing blessing of democracy, whether or not the receiving party is interested in having it. You can never have too much democracy. Even Ben Franklin agreed when he said that democracy is two lambs and a wolf deciding what to have for dinner. Or maybe it's the other way around . . . Regardless, it seems like Plato was right. "Only the dead have seen the end of war." Thank goodness the U.S. and I are alive and well! 'Cause I'm about to get my airsoft on!

As I walked through the door of the airsoft store, I stopped dead with wonder. Gleaming cases of hard black awesomeness confronted me. Powerful handguns sat behind shiny glass, while slender, assassination-looking snipers hung from the walls behind, communicating a very clear message . . . "It's go time." However, I drew myself finally away from these firesticks of doom in order to check out the main attraction; the assault rifles. The M15A4! The SAR M41! The G36E, C, and K! The 1AC 8MIN and the C.Q.B. version, 1AR 5MIN! Amazing! The store owner sauntered over. "'Sup bro." He said. "What can I do for ya?" He made me feel so inadequate. He seemed so knowledgeable, so in-control . . . that and he was wearing one of those shirts that say "You're ugly and that's sad." I checked my visage in the glass case, just to make sure the shirt wasn't telling the truth, and proceeded to inform him that he could, indeed, be of assistance.

"I'm looking for a killer gun," I said, "One that'll really blow the competition away."
He said I'd come to the right place.
"You've come to the right place."
"Thanks," I said, "I heard you the first time."
Ouch. Not the right foot to start off on. He put on his jacket. It said "Hating you makes me warm inside." I found myself hoping he wouldn't turn his hat around. I had a feeling I didn't want to know what was written on the front of it. Undeterred, I forged ahead. "I'm looking for an assault rifle. Maybe one of those, M type ones? M14, 15, 16 . . . or maybe an advanced version of the G36, like a G37?" No! The hat was being turned around! "Hey you made me throw up a little" it said. Blast! But I hadn't come here to look smart. I'd come to get me a man-toy. "Which one would you recommend?" I asked. Bingo. Right question. I'd placed him back on his own ground. Interpersonal relations was not his forte. Toy guns that look real was. "Well I personally would go with the Tokyo Marui SIG 552. That's what I normally use." That sounded really cool. "How much do those go for?" I asked. "Like 40, 50 bucks?" "Hahaha! Try four or five times that buddy!" "Hahaha!" I laughed along with him, "Hahahaha! Hahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.

Then I realized he was serious.

"That's a little pricey . . . " I said. "What could I get for say . . . $40?"
"Well," He replied, "You could get out of my store."
"Hahaha!" I laughed. "Hahahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.

Then I realized he was serious about that too.

"Alright alright . . . I guess I'll spring for a G36. But do you think you could give me a break in the price? Maybe . . . maybe $250?" The way his eyes rolled back into his head was my signal that the answer was "No." I wondered, were all airsoft personnel this socially depraved? It seemed that they had no soul . . . it brought to mind Kirby Gowen in cross examination. You beg in your mind for him to stop, but he just keeps going. And going. And going. He's like the Energizer Bunny with a flow pad. And no soul. This strengthened me. If I couldn't beat Kirby in a debate round, I would beat him metaphorically by purchasing this outrageously expensive gun! I would not bow to the merciless Capitalists on the other end of the deal, taunting me with a product that they knew I had to have, but making it exorbitantly pricey! I would buy that gun!

And so I did. With a gleam in my eye I pulled out my $40 dollars . . . and my debit card. I bought that sucker. I bought a battery, and bb's, and eye protection, and a charger. And it felt good.

Then, as I was walking out to my car, I realized the joke was on me. The metaphorical Kirby had beaten me again. I had fallen for the cross examination of the Capitalists. They dared me to give the wrong answer, and I had. They'd made me give them exactly what they were getting at.

Darn that Free Market!

Darn those airsofters!

Darn that metaphorical Kirby!

Laugh at our readers day

2007-11-19T11:02:00.000-08:00

I hereby declare today to be "Laugh At Your Readers day". Everyone always gets to laugh at us, so today we return the favor.

"What does this mean?" you may ask?

It means I'm going to do what I always wanted to do. Yes, I'm going to make you read this entire paragraph and laugh at you for doing it! What is in this paragraph? Nothing! Nothing at all! I'm just going to keep writing things because I know that you are retarded and will read this! You know you are going to keep reading this. Is it because you think that something at the end of this paragraph might actually worth reading? Dream on! I'm just keeping you reading this paragraph sucker! Loser! Ha Ha Ha I laugh in your face!

Ok, I'm done

Thanks for reading RFCN and as always remember:

Having a bad day?

2007-11-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

If you are having a bad day...

1: remember worse things have happened to other people

2: read our positive thought for the day

Things I hate about RFCN

2007-11-12T11:04:00.000-08:00

1. That we are supposed to have 4 authors (plus Katie the speeelchekr) and I'm the only one that ever posts.

2. That everyone hates my posts until Trevor posts. After that everyone thinks my posts are his and they totally love me again.

3. Chris.

4. That on every single post there is always someone who dies laughing and someone who hates us forever and quits reading RFCN.

5. Chris.

6. That everyone now feels the need to give their criticism as if we are still a rookie site. We've had 85 posts people!

7. Everyone saying we have horribble speeling errors and spel chec finding no erors everytime.

8. Chris.

9. No matter what, our name means we are stuck being associated with FCN forever.

10. Who came up with the stupid name "funny class notes" anyways? It's lame.

11. Chris

12. The fact that every other post is a post about posting and every other other post is a post about the comments on our posts.

13. The fact that every post has to have some sort of punchline or everyone says we are "going down", "seen our better days" etc.

14. Chris.

15. Trevor never read our site, did one post, and then left again and I haven't heard from him since. (except there is a draft titled "Airsofters journy part 2". At least he knows you can't do a three part series and only post one part.)

16. Katie rocks and has funny stuff but everyone hates the idea of a girl on our site...

17. The Ridiculous comments we get a lot... which is why we now moderate comments.

18. Is this like politics?

19. Chris.

Video Game Dialogues

2007-11-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

So, my two nutball gamer geek brothers decided to play a game using two way radios the other day. I recorded the whole conversation for your viewing. I'm not related to these people in anyway.

J: Uh, R-4, where do you suggest we select target from? What maps would you possibly like to clear?

R: Game 215 ms Karkan repeat Karkan. Special ops no noobs or cheaters. Repeat No noobs.

J: That's a roger. I am engaging map now.

R: Alright, I'm in. Do you copy? I'm in.

J: Roger that, t-minus 3 with a 5 min ETA, I got a slow loader.

R: Copy on the slow loader, take up defensive position, this could be a diappointing game, possible ambush with cheaters and point stealers.

J: Roger, will take up defensive positions. No sign of cheaters. Game title declared this to be a cheater safe zone but you never know.

R: Roger that, target has been declared to be a vital asset, possible ponage if we make it though, major points racking.

J: R-4 R-4 I'm in! repeat... I'm in! No sign of cheaters, game starts in t-minus 3 minutes, need 4 more players.

R: Got it, I'm almost in.

J: Im off, repeat I'm off. Dad kicked me off. This is bull, I'm coming to you.

Top ten lame ways to get a date

2007-11-06T16:52:00.001-08:00

You know what they say, no better way to start off a relationship than to start it off lame. Here's a couple creative ideas for asking a girl out. I'm sure they all could work... or something.

1.Follow the girl out to her car… or just find her in her car sometime... then... strategically place yourself near a road she will be driving by. It is preferable that this be a parking lot or a slower road. As soon as she starts to get close, run out looking the other way and get hit by the car. Maybe try bouncing off the car... don't get run over.

2.If she is in your class, convince her you think you are going to fail and that she is obviously the smartest person in the class. People can never see past their ego. You had better get an A in the class however after she helps you.

3. Find out which is her car. After you are sure which car it is, put a fake “I hit you” on it. Leave the note with your number and don’t say where you hit her car. Say sorry a lot though… after she calls you can explain it was such a small scratch that you can’t see it.

4. Steal her purse and then give it back to her like you found it. Don’t look inside. Never look inside. If she starts to recognize you, run.

5. Have a buddy pretend to attempt to mug a girl. Literally as soon as he says “give me your…”, jump on him and beat him up. Maybe just jump on him when he is near the girl, then you can convince the girl she didn’t see him and convince her that you saved her money and life. You definitely want to make sure another hero wannabe doesn’t see this and really beat your friend up… unless you didn’t like this friend, then it might be kind of funny…

6. Have a prepared picture of her that she doesn’t know about and photo shop you into the picture. Run up to her and tell her she looks just like your sister. Show her the picture.

7. Say you are an RFCN author, because you know the girls will be all over you. Also you can add that you are Robert, or that you know Robert, and then they'll be totally out of it, crazy in love with you.

8. Give her the answers to the test instead of her helping you. But say you'll only do it if she's goes on a date with you. If you picked a desperate student, you'll force her to go out with you. She's bound to have high moral standards if she's cheating also.

9. Try a good old fashion pick up line. "Hey baby, I noticed that you noticed me. So I just wanna put a notice out, that I noticed you

10. Get the girl drunk and then ask her out... cheap. She probably can't even see what color your hair is. This may not be that funny, but we'd all agree, it's just lame.

A list of things I'd do if Hillary became President

2007-10-31T18:56:00.001-07:00

1. Take down my vote for Hillary yard sign and bumper sticker (apparently people didn't get the sarcasm and actually voted for her)

2. Start a rally called Americans for First Ladies not First men

3. Quit my job and go on welfare (I'll make more money than my current job)

4. Sell my stock in Kaiser

5. Heck, sell all of my stocks

6. Start petition signups to impeach Hillary immediately. Why? No clue. Maybe we could put something in it about the 25 amendment.

7. Forget RFCN and start LAH blog (Laugh at Hillary)

8. Move to Cuba, where at least I know I can see a doctor

9. Get a license plate cover that says "Hillary... proof not every woman is attractive or desirable"

10. Prepare for the tribulation... the Antichrist?

Sheesh, my hands shake just thinking about it. Where's Ron Paul? Come give me a hug little buddy...

Funny Stories: The Birthday Brat

2007-10-26T09:34:00.001-07:00

Ok, so to answer a question most people have, yes, life is different being a twin. And for one thing, being a twin means you share the same birthday. Here's one birthday story.

So a while ago, Rich and I had a birthday which we hadn't really planned for in terms of buying each other presents. That tends to happen a lot when you are a twin and only anticipate your own birthday. So this particular birthday, I improvised and gave Richard 10 dollars in cash. He admitted the birthday and snuck up on him as well. He took the 10 dollars, reached into his wallet and gave me 5 dollars back and said "happy birthday".

Scientific words

2007-10-25T15:23:00.000-07:00

Hailmary-csmackia

The feeling you get when you have thrown a football with all your might and discover it is right on course to smack a new car square in the hood.

speednspreadia

The feeling you get in a debate round when you just discovered you wasted 6 minutes on 2 out of the 10 points you had to cover in your speech.

uhohbia

The feeling you get when you just strapped into a 60 mph plus rollarcoaster and you see rusty bolts holding you into your seat.

nooooooophobia

The feeling you get right before you smash your thumb with a hammer.

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia

The fear of the number 666.

numagetio

The feeling you get when you realize you just had an entire conversation with someone, calling them by the wrong name the whole time.

google-phobia

The feeling you get when you realize you sent a very incriminating email and accidentally selected "reply all".

feudin-namio

The feeling you get when you start on a long car ride with someone you haven't driven with before and you realize they have no idea how to drive.

gayus-travus phobia

The feeling you get when you realize you are sitting next to Travis and he likes to act gay.

flatt-caro phobia

The feeling you get when you have to make a sudden stop on the freeway because your exit is backed up and the semi behind you has no chance of stopping in time.

atomophobia

fear of nuclear explosions

liberobia

The feeling you get when Hillary Clinton walks by you.

thanatofobia

The feeling you get when you accidentally set the couch on fire.

ownofobia

The fear of getting owned.

Darkest Secret Contest

2007-10-25T14:27:00.001-07:00

RFCN is having a "darkest secret contest". So if you think you have some first class dirt on yourself or anybody else, send it to reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. Just send your name, the name of the person you are telling us about, and why they wouldn't want anyone to know about it.

Requirements
1 must be someone we know or might know
2 must be so bad you wouldn't even tell your mom

Extreme extra points for dirt given about FCN authors.

The winner will get his/her dirt posted on RFCN provided it meets some basic requirements.

Yes Chris, Figure Skating is a Sport

2007-10-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

There is an erroneous idea going around that Figure Skating is not a sport. Frankly, I am astonished that anyone could start such fabrications, and I am further amazed that people believe them. It’s one thing to believe that baseball is not a sport (that I can understand) – but this is ridiculous.

When I became aware that the belief was becoming widespread, I did what any good government agency might do: take a poll. Of the Americans polled, 82% answered that they felt Figure Skating was not a sport. Of those, 63% said that they came to their conclusion by very logically comparing ice skating to hockey and other known sports. In the words of one respondent: “Uh, no hablo inglés.”

Clearly, Figure Skating has been misrepresented. You would think that recent movies like “Blades of Glory” and “Ice Princess” would have given some dignity to skating and inspired more respect. Go figure. (Hahaha, get it? Go figure? You know… *ahem*)

As a life-long figure skater myself, I feel that I am not only qualified, but I am compelled to speak out against this injustice toward my fellow skaters. I take it upon myself to stand up for the talented women and… women… who skate. To tell the truth in a world of lies; to start protests in our nation’s capitol – and to boldly skate where no figure skater has skated before: the hockey arena.

Since the vast majority of Americans believe that hockey is a sport, I decided to visit our ugly-step-brother in an attempt to learn why they get to be on TV in bars and we don’t. And so, after receiving a large number of bruises and verbal insults, I was able to identify three distinctive characteristics that make hockey a sport.

Hockey involves running into people
Hockey involves fighting
Hockey involves wearing numbers

Even a minimal amount of hockey viewing will tell you that these are the most important parts of the sport. (There is that other part about knocking an inanimate object back and forth with sticks, but according to the hockey players I interviewed, that wasn’t nearly as big a deal as the other criteria – especially number two.) Having identified these as the most important parts of hockey, I will now proceed to demonstrate how figure skating, like hockey, is also a sport.

Running into people

No contest. Figure skaters are always running into other skaters (sometimes it's even on purpose). The following photo demonstrates the style in which we take other skaters out:

Chuck Norris would be proud.

Fights

Ever heard of Tonya Harding? Or how about Jamie Sale & David Pelletier (who fought with the Russian pair team over the gold medal)?

Although just naming those examples should be way more than enough, I’d like to point out that the fight over the gold medal at the 2002 Olympics was started because of (in the words of the International Herald Tribune) “misconduct by a French judge.” [See:http://www.iht.com/articles/2002/02/16/oclarey_ed3_.php]

Tell me that’s not better than any hockey fight.

(And those, by the way, were all fights at competitions. Fights back at the home rink can get pretty nasty too -- like just last week when this one girl told Patrick that his new costume made him look fat...)

Wearing numbers

We wear numbers all the time! Ever seen those t-shirts that say, “I *heart* 2 sk8”?

Mistakes we haven't made

2007-10-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

Well, so far you know that the authors of RFCN are truthful, good looking, and out to provide a alternative to FCN. But one thing you may not have known is that we are humble. So humble in fact, we'd like to talk about our mistakes... mistakes we haven't made that is. Since we never make mistakes, we thought we should make a list of mistakes we almost made. So without further udada:

Never use the sting relief packet for non-bee stings

The sting relief packet in standard first aid kits is not for sting that comes from open wounds... it's for bee stings. It will actually be the source of stinging beyond your imagination if you use it for non-bee related stinging.

Never volunteer without knowing what it is for

This is true for almost anything, especially in war, debate class and chemistry (science) class/experiments.

Never ask a girl how her day "really" was

You know in a conversation when you say: Hi? How are you? And everyone always says: Great/Fine/Good/OK/etc ? Unless you have a free hour, don't ask for the truth about how they feel or how they are doing.

Never test how far you can push some guy who is bigger

Yes, we've all done it. Just push the big soft guy around. I have a smashed head (that I never got because I don't make mistakes) that says... maybe that's a bad idea.

Never embarrass a teacher in front of her/his class

Oh yeah, bad idea. Unless you plan on acing her class with 100% and a newly founded bias against you, don't say something out of your league. Teachers always have a way of getting the upper hand. (Of course, we'd encourage challenging teachers in their doctrine, just overkill/embarrassment always comes back to bite)

Never challenge or diss someone about something you haven't seen them do

No matter how great you are, Murphy's law says you'll trash talk to the one ping-pong pro or arm-wrestling champion in the State. Wrestling's a killer. Never size someone up by how they look in wrestling, the littlest guy will end up being a wrestling technique teacher.

Never challenge someone in a sport or competition you've never played

Once again, this is a great way to get beat by a 6 year old girl. Unless you have a great idea what you are doing, save your words before you eat them. Not that I've been beat by a 6 year old or anything. (wink wink)

Never fall for the crud about asking the girl's best friend how the girl feels about you

This was invented so that the girl could have an automatic alert anytime anyone was interested in her enough to want to know what she thought of them. Think about it, they are best friends. Do you really think her best friend won't tell her? Never ever ask the best friend without paying her off.

And finally, never start a blog off by saying you'll be better than one of the best blogs you've read. Even if you do well, all you get is bias against your site.

Pinochle of blog success

2007-10-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

In a recent comment, I was appalled to see that someone claimed we had not reached the penuckle of blog success. You see, if FCN reached the pinecal of blog success by the creation of RFCN in their post, than we definitely reached the peenicle by the creation of this little runoff wannabe bible site http://reallyfunnyclassnotes.blogpsot.com/ (that is not our site) . You see, RFCN was created to spite FCN and has been nothing but trouble and dissing for FCN; it's more the pinnacle of a thorn in your side. If anything, we just tried to reveal how easy their path to success was, and how Travis will never find love. The bible site, however, was actually created to steal some of our massive amounts of traffic. I can’t believe they would think our readers are dumb enough to mix up “spot” and psot”. One of the authors of FCN was dumb enough, but our readers are different; they have RFCN on their favorites menu.

…

You do have RFCN on your favorites menu don’t you? Or have you run into this site before?

…

Wait, maybe it’s a bad time to find out how much our readers hate us during our penical of success post. (Not that our readers don’t already tell us how much they hate our posts.)

Wait, maybe that's the pinnucle of blog success! When we have nothing but hate mail in our comments! People don't bother reaching into the sewers to pull a bum up and tell him he's a bum, they go for the successful, famous people. Just look at the magazines on the stands, nothing but popular people are talked about. We reached success through jealously! Although, I don't remember being in people magazine recently.

...
Well, that doesn't really explain Chris. But then again, nothing really explains Chris. His humor preferences are rather inconsistent.

Maybe that was the peinical of blog success? The day Chris said he liked one of our posts?

Chris doesn't like our posts anymore... forget that one...

Ok, maybe our success comes from the lack of encouragement in our comments. The people we are trying to have fun with and get to read our site, already do! They read it and feel no need to comment... they just laugh about the horrible comments 10 year olds are leaving on our site.

Do you think we are trying too hard to be successful?

Nah, admitting that wouldn't be any fun... we are RFCN after all.

A Girl? Funny? Ha!

2007-10-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

Last week I joined the LAW. Being a part of the LAW is tough. It requires more than just physical stamina. It requires mental strength. And I don’t mean I-can-survive-being-cross-examined-by-Cody strength, what I mean is an invisible force. A power in your mind so strong that you are able to look deep inside and admit that you really DO want to listen to the “High School Musical” soundtrack over and over again. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the kind of strength you need when you join the LAW: Lame Anonymous Women.

I wish I could say that the “lame” stood for “crippled or physically disabled.” Heck, I’d even be okay with “a person who is out of touch with modern fads or trends” [Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved October 11, 2007, from Dictionary.com] But alas, when I say lame, I mean hopelessly, pathetically, downright not funny.

Women are generally held to be unfunny – probably because women generally ARE unfunny. Yes, there are some who break out of the mold and climb to heights the rest of us only dream about… but I mean, when was the last time you saw a good female comedian? And when was the last time you watched a comedy that starred Angelina Jolie? (Forgive me if I bring up a painful memory, I’m just trying to make a point). Seriously though, think of the last really funny movie you watched that starred a woman. If it’s not “Legally Blonde” I will be impressed. Speaking of, why do we laugh at “Legally Blonde”? Mainly, because it makes fun of… well, blondes. That cute lawyer really doesn’t have anything clever to say. Instead, she says everything that is contrary to intelligence in general – and it’s that mass of unintelligence that makes us incredibly sophisticated debaters laugh.

Unfortunately, I find myself in Reese Witherspoon’s shoes: the object of laughter, but not humorous by any means.

It’s a hard fact to live with, and I was in denial for a long time. Until one day it hit me: a 68-mph-slap-shot hockey puck. It hit my head so hard that it literally knocked me off my skates (admittedly an easy thing to do). When I came to, I could hear the sound of laughter. Laughter that I had become so accustomed to attributing to my (as I thought of it) amazingly witty humor. My life flashed before my eyes. I could see all my little school friends laughing at the kid wearing a white turtle-neck and jean jumper – me. All of my debate rounds where I actually thought that the free market was a real thing. All of those gtalk conversations when Chris typed in those fatal, but truthful words: that’s lame.

That’s when I decided to join LAW. They told me I had to admit I have a problem before I can fix it (extensive amounts of research have been done on the Government to prove this). So I summed up the courage to stand up and say, “Hi, I’m here because I’m… not funny.” And everyone clapped for me. Except one girl, who said, “Life isn’t about being funny you know. There are plenty of amazing people who aren’t funny. Like lawyers.”

She’s no longer with us.

I.. I... I just don't know!

2007-10-16T12:50:00.001-07:00

Well... every time I go to post, I just can't do it. I can't bare to risk it. To be honest, people like our posts right now and I don't want to mess that up. For the first time in the history of our site, Chris has been nice to us, Mommy G completely stopped commenting (probably because she does not read out site anymore, but that's ok.) and even Adrialian has said some positive things about us.

It just... it just broke our hearts. I don't know what to do anymore. It sorta took away all of our motivation. Our whole site was built from fire. It's like asking someone who has only known war to live in a peaceful society. I feel like a guy having tea and knitting with 50 women. I feel like a wild Indian sitting inside a huge theater watching Beethovens 9th. I feel like Travis looking for love.

Well... either that or I didnt' have time.

If you're flying through the air with nothing to save you, smile

2007-10-11T09:41:00.000-07:00

So I had a dream last night.

I was flying through the air on a seat and a handheld rocket propeller. The rocket propeller was closest related to rocketeers little pack thingy. Except, I was holding this thing in my hand and flying through the air. Then, suddenly, my seat and rocket propeller disconnect from me. I am now 10,000 feet high in the air with nothing to help me fly. Not good, not good at all... So, after I pulled myself together, I began to dive towards my only hope for survival in a massive amount of speed, much like Spiderman's dive for Mary Jane, except mine was cooler -- much cooler. So a minute or two pass by and I spot my rocket pack next to me. It took me a while to figure out how to steer to the right while falling at would now be... a couple hundred miles per hour. I finally catch the pack and put in on it just the right time. With a hundred feet left I push "full speed" and prepare to pull up in a massive amount of speed. My pack never started. The next thing I remember was SPLAT! maybe it would have been more... KA-SPLAT! Actually it was probably Ka-body.decimates.into.a.flat.redish-looking.pancake-splat!

Well, I am so thankful my body feels the need to make dreams real for me... I woke up the second I hit the ground and couldn't move my body. I was in shock for at least a minute.

How the heck did my mind figure out what it would feel like to fall through the air panicking? Geeez it's like the evil genius computer that searches its database for something to destroy the world with and get around all the defenses.
I've freaken died almost every night this week!

Author information update

2007-10-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, just want to introduce Katie as our new grammar editor and humor advisor. Thanks Katie!

Dudes... It just means she's going to proof read the stuff

Irony Galore

2007-10-04T12:22:00.000-07:00

Some of you may know, I am a professional wedding photographer, I've been to so many weddings, I lost count. But I have made some observations I would like to share with you.

So, without farther ado and further nonsense: The top ten most ironic things about weddings

1. Why do the mother-in-laws light the unity candle when the mother-in-laws are usually the source of all dis-unity in the relationship?

2. Why are people always sad at funurals and happy at weddings? At least some people who die have heaven to look forward to.

3. The ring is to symbolize love, it never ends... but you don't get very far before you hit the same old turf again and again and again.

4. It's a God ordained institution... but you need a marriage license from the government to do it.

5. They ask if anyone has any objections... but if you do... they don't really want to know. Do they?

6. If you vow to love and live together forever... what's with the prenup?

7. Everything in the ceremony is traditional, but now they are starting to ditch the only tradition that comes from western civilization. Surly you know of it, walking down the aisle... da-don-don-don At the last wedding, they played Faith Hill; so why can't they update the dresses a few thousand years?

8. The bride wears a vail over her face...is that so the groom doesn't have any second thoughts as she comes down the isle?

9. The music that is played as they come back down the isle sounds a lot like that of the music of soldiers going into battle.

10. On a more serious note, the couples that have honored God in their relationship never have a happier day in their lives.

The following takes place from 10am to 11am on the day of the presidential primary

2007-10-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

The following is dialogue that took place at 10 p.m. after a 10 hour day at MJC, and being very, very tired. Out of a class of 47 or so, Rich and I had A+’s that accounted for 2 of the only 5 A’s in the class. The teacher graded on a curve because of a very large amount of F's and D's. But we still managed to have the following argument.

Bob: I got the highest score on the test and now I have the highest score in the class.

Dick: Um, no you didn’t

Bob: Yes I did, I got 105 and you got 100.

Dick: But you only got 91 right on the test.

Bob: It doesn’t matter; the teacher said the extra credit would count as 10 pts on the test.

Dick: Yeah, but on the test, I did better.

Bob: Well if you want to get technical, the teacher graded on a curve and made your 96 100%.

Dick: But you got the same 4 points I did. And that doesn't work because I had the highest grade on the test so I got 100 correct no matter what. I couldn't have done better. You could have.

Bob: The extra credit was an open invitation to anyone, therefore you had the same opportunity and I scored better.

Dick: I was gone on that day, so I couldn't get the extra credit. But on the test I DID BETTER!

Bob: So! You choose to be gone. I purposely did the extra credit so I wouldn’t have to study as hard or read the constitution. Therefore, I’m smarter than you and I scored better.

Dick: You had plenty of time to read the constitution, that fact that you didn't just means that you're even more of a loser.

Bob: You keep trying to downgrade my stagetic studying. If I didn’t have 10 extra credit pts I would have studied more and STILL BEAT YOU!

Dick: But percentage wise, I did better. 100 out of 100 is a better percentage then 105 out of 110!

Bob: That’s only because of the CURVE! AND I STILL beat you! And the extra credit counts ON THE TEST.

Dick: Do you know what a curve is? The teacher took the top score and gave everyone the difference between that and 100%. So, I could not have done better, if I had 98 everyone would only have gotten 2 more points.

Bob: With or without the curve I still would have had 100%, therefore you didn’t help me!

Dick: Adding or taking 4 points to both of us has no effect on my percentage argument. That would have been 101 out of 110 possible vs. 96 out of 100 possible, I STILL WIN!

Bob: All I know is on the paper I have the highest grade.

Dick: And on the test I have the least incorrect.

Bob: But I’m smarter than you cause I actually took 2 hours to listen to a speech and write an essay for the extra credit!

Dick: I was gone, I couldn't go to it... or write an essay on it.

Bob: YOU'RE A LOSER!!!

Dick: I HAD THE HIGHEST GRADE ON THE TEST!!!

::silence in the car for 5 minutes::

Bob: We both smoked the class, don’t you think this is stupid to argue about?

Dick: Yes, why’d you bring it up.

Bob: I didn’t, you did!

Dick: No, dude, we both know you did.

Bob: Whatever.

Yep, little too much school lately :-P

Top Five Most Frustrating Things About Working At A Restaurant

2007-09-27T22:27:00.000-07:00

Working at a restaurant has really given me a lot more respect for the people that work at them. From the servers to the cooks, from the hostesses to the bussers, from the bartenders to the take out girl, I respect all of them. And to help you guys respect them as well, I'm going to give you some real life examples of what frustrates restaurant employees to death!

1. Changing your babies diaper at the table.
Yes, this is true. I've seen it happen. I don't know why the heck any one would want to change their babies diaper at the dinner table, in a high class restaurant, but they do. I really don't think I need to go on about this............so I won't.

Just don't do it......it's gross......really. The other customers really don't want to smell baby doo doo while they are chomping into a $30 dollar Steak.

2. Asking to have your food come out later.
I mean come on! Who in their right mind changes their babies diaper at the dinner table. That's just disgusting. I know I said I won't go about this, but it is so appalling that it makes me want hurl.....so I'll change the subject before I do.

On more then one occasion I have had a table ask to have their food delayed. The annoying part is, is that their food is already done. I don't care if you don't want to eat, yet. If you didn't want to eat, you shouldn't have come to restaurant. If your food is done do NOT ask to have it later. It will go bad. The only thing keeping the food warm is food lamps. So, eventually, the food lamps will dry out the food, and even cook the steak, or mashed potatoes, or fries. This is the most annoying thing any customer could ask for. You're food is done, asking to eat it later will not help you in the least. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite "Eat the food, you fat lard! Gosh."

3. Draining the soda machine.

I'm not going to deny it, I am guilty of this horrendous act. In my younger days I thought it would be "cool" to drain the soda machine. All until one day when I had to switch 3 of them out at once. Those things are the biggest pain in the back (literally) to change out. And when there are 20 tables that need to be bussed, plates that need to be stocked and a 100 pound trash can that needs to be dumped, replacing a Coca-Cola soda container is the last thing that bussers want to do. Not cool guys, Not cool.

4. Leaving a Massive Mess
A Bussers job is to clean, that is what we do. But one time I had this "Latino" family come in and all they did was complain, complain, complain. They complained about the price, they complained about they're food being cold, they even complained that they're steak wasn't cooked at the right temperature! And this wasn't a family of four or five; this was a family of 20! (and to top it off one of them was wearing a "Jesus Saves" hat). So anyway, they finally tell the manager "We don't appreciate the service here so we're leaving." (and yes, they did not leave a tip). The mess they left was like a Hurricane Katrina re-enactment. It was brutal. Disastrous. Painstakingly long to clean. Me and the other Busser, Ricky, had to pick up everything. plates, knives, forks, glasses, napkins that were littered all over the floor. Yeah, this was not fun. So yeah. Lesson learned, people?

5. Customers That Think They know More then their Server
Yeah, there was one time when a lady came into the restaurant to dine. She asked for a Salmon and she wanted it "Blackened." Now for those of you who don't know what Blackened Salmon is, it is when the cooks put a lot of extra seasonings on it to give it a "blacker" look. So, she gets her salmon, it's a beautiful looking salmon. Perfection. This snob of a lady turns to her server and says "Excuse me, I asked for this salmon to be blackened, NOT BURNT! So, can you please go tell whoever the retard is that made this salmon to make it right!" Yes, that was a direct quote. But it doesn't stop there, upon giving the lady her new salmon she then proceeded to tell her server that we served her the wrong salmon! At my restaurant we serve two types of salmons, and trust me, she got the right one. Boy howdy, I don't think there was a single cook that didn't want to do bodily harm to that lady. We had to stop one of them from running out there with a knife......seriously. And this isn't a rare occasion either. There have been times when the customer told us we served them a pork chop, when they ordered a steak. How one can confuse a pork chop with a Joe's steak is beyond me, but it has happened.

The resaurant biz can be quite a lot of fun, but only when we have great customers. In case you didn't get the hint, these are examples of BAD customers. The kind of customers that we wanted to kick out, but legally couldn't. So, the next time you're at a restaurant remember these helpful tips to make your server a happy server: (1) Don't change your baby's diaper at the table; (2) Don't ask to have your food delayed; (3) Do not drain the soda fountain; (4) Do not Leave a disastrous mess when you leave; and (5) Don't think you know more then the server, they work there and you don't. Thanks for reading, and always "We're keeping it honest, in a dishonest way."

We don't believe it

2007-09-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

Just when we thought we were all alone...

And nothing was going our way...

And believe us you, we know it's part of life...

But it just seemed like everyone was out to get us...

And we were running out of patience...

It seemed like there was nowhere to go...

Then out of nowhere...

Something we didn't see coming...

One of those thing you don't expect but always hoped for...

TREVOR POSTED!!!

AND NOW WE FEEL LIKE WE CAN FLY!

The Airsofter's Journey: Part the Oneth

2007-09-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying that I am not very much of a war-supporter. In fact I am basically anti-war. As such I frequent such sites as this one. This sometimes garners reproach from my friends.

"What?" They say in reprimand. "You're anti-war? You must be against stopping the terrorists! You must be against the second amendment!", they continue, "You must be a Democrat!". Well shoot, if being anti-war is left, I don't want to be right! No in fact, being anti-war does not mean shunning self-defense and supporting universal healthcare, it simply means that you are a sane person. I would be in fact much disturbed were I to encounter a person who was in fact pro-war. I would recoil in horror!

"What!" I would say in reproachful tones. "You're pro-war? You must be for preemptive strikes! you must be for interventionism! You must be... well now, you must be a Republican!" To which we would both doubtless stomp off in our respective directions, our opinions of each other greatly diminished as a result of this small ideological exchange.

And so having cleared up this little misunderstanding, I now move to the result of my anti-war sentiments: Airsoft. Airsoft is a fast-growing sport in the States that involves firing small bb's at other people. A popular definition of airsoft is as follows:

" Airsoft; A sport in which underdeveloped, socially deficient teenagers who are too chicken to join the real military live out their fantasies by firing little white things that couldn't hurt a small bird at each other, thinking (somehow) that this makes them tough and cool."

But you say to yourself "This is inconsistent! How can you be anti-war, yet play war games? a contradiction!" Nay fair reader... consider the following syllogism;

A) The Editor is Anti-war.
B) War involves killing people.
C) Therefore, Airsoft is cool.

If you have difficulty grasping this, I humbly submit that the problem is yours, not mine. And so having been introduced to this sport by my friends, and being a socially deficient teenager myself, I was drawn to it. "Yes!" I thought to myself. "Now I can look like I'm tough without having to be tough... kind of like that one band they're always playing!" This was in fact one of several reasons I was first drawn to the activity... the other reasons being:

-During Airsoft a mask is worn the whole time. This minimizes the amount of time you have to actually converse with other people, trying to think of witty dialogue then regressing into an awkward silence, and maximizes the amount of time you can shoot at them.

-If I was mad at someone, I could just invite them to play Airsoft with me! Then once we were out on the field, I could pull some "accidental" friendly fire moves! "Woops!" I would say. "My bad!"

And so armed with my syllogism, my underdeveloped biceps, my three awesome reasons for Airsofting, and about $40 ("Surely this will be enough." I thought), I headed to my nearest Airsoft retailer...

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post does not conform to RFCN's Truthfulness standards. This post contains certain amounts of truth combined with what Stephen Colbert has coined "Truthiness".

Does anybody hear me?

2007-09-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel alone?

Do you ever feel like nobody likes you?

Do you ever feel constantly made fun of?

Do you wish you could just laugh in every one's face?

If the questions mentioned above seem to describe you, then RFCN relates to you. Yes, we at RFCN know exactly what you are going through. Please join RFCN's support group. Just email reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com with the subject line "help me". We meet regularly on Tuesday nights for a time of sharing and discussing how to get back at all the mean RFCN haters and comments... President Bush if you are out there, we are here for you too. Unfortunately this is not open invitation. If your name is Chris, you are not invited... even if you aren't Chris Y. The name Chris is simply too painful to hear for many of the RFCN authors... maybe not for Trevera because he never reads our site.

I have a dream

2007-09-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Many suns ahead, in a galaxy far, far, near; there was a boy, a boy who had a dream, a dream that wouldn’t go away. In this dream, that wouldn’t go away, and was created by the boy, there was another world, another world that resembled our current world. And in that other world which resembled the current world, there was a country called America. That country, which was called America, was where the boy, that had the dream that wouldn’t go away... shoot! ::thinks really hard:: I forgot where I was going with that. um... vote Ron Paul?!

Hear ye now Trevera

2007-09-21T12:42:00.001-07:00

Trevor, you have ten days to edit this post and post something or you are out! Post anything! Just flippen post something in this box!

Are you out there Trevor?

Nina!

2007-09-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching 24 episode 10-11 pm season one and... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nina was a plant!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ::runs around banging head on things:: They can't do that! Now she's going to get killed and be off the show soon! Nooooooooo Nina! Please explain why you were talking in a foreign language secretly giving information to the bad guys! They'll believe you. I believe you. Just please don't' be a bad guy! Nina if you are out there reading RFCN before you start season 2, tell them you are innocent! Turn yourself in! I'll help defend you as soon as I get a law degree! I promise!

Oh wait, what if she gets killed in the last episode of season 1! ahh ::runs to watch last episode::

def not me

2007-09-20T22:12:00.001-07:00

yeah, that wasn't me either. Which pretty much leaves one person who we can logically assume posted it.

Not Trevor

2007-09-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should deny it for Trever too! or was that him posting... hmm

not me

2007-09-20T18:31:00.002-07:00

That wasn't me either

twernt me

2007-09-20T18:31:00.001-07:00

That wasn't me posting just fyi

The Most Original Post Ever.

2007-09-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

This is the "Most Original Post Ever."

HAHA!

This has been the "Most Original Post Ever."

National be a pirate day

2007-09-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

"International talk like a pirate day"

We think it's time people stop talking like pirates unless they really know what pirates do. So, instead of "talk like a pirate day" we propose "National be a pirate day".

Go drink some rum and steal from somebody.

Funny Stories: the attempted assassination of Sammy Sosa

2007-09-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Sunday I was going to a baseball game between the A's and the Rangers. I went with my sister and grabbed my backpack so I'd have a bag for my sweater. I grabbed my school books out of it quickly and off I went. After a long drive and a Bart ride, we arrived at the coliseum. As we started to go through the security check, I emptied my backpack for this war hardened looking dude obviously from Oakland. As I pulled it out I replied "yeah I just have two jackets and..." There was Jeremiah's air soft glock pistol.

Chris O gave me his pistol at debate class on Friday and when I pulled my books out of my backpack, it stayed in there.

I swear the dude didn't even check if it was real, he just said: "can't bring that in there"
I'm like: "yeah sorrry!"

A couple steps later I realized I had no idea what I was going to do with the pistol!
We took the Bart from Dublin so no car to put anything anywhere.

I looked at the trash can but, almost simultaneously I remembered how buff Jeremiah was. Visions of my head being removed by his bicep kept reoccurring.
I knew I'd have to go back to the gangsta security man to ask for help.

Luckily they had some storage center around the building for a 3 dollar charge.

Welp, since I'm not writing this post from jail, I'm sure you all can figure out it worked out.

The Truth

2007-09-15T17:03:00.000-07:00

There's a streak of honesty sweeping across blogville. We figured we'd take this opportunity to tell you a little more about the authors of RFCN. And well... when a picture is worth a thousand words, why waste time being redundant?

You know what the difference is between us and FCN?

WE MAKE THIS LOOK GOOD.

**missing from this post is our new author Chris**

A few tips for reading FCN

2007-09-14T11:54:00.001-07:00

Well, hopefully everyone is keeping up with our little sister site http://funnyclassnotes.blogspot.com/. And for those of you who are, we have some tips to share with you that help us read through there sometimes very long, mostly late punch lined but, potentially funny and worth the reading, FCN posts.

Never look ahead to see how long it is

If you are reading through it and it starts to get boring, the worst thing you can do is scroll ahead and see you have 3 paragraphs left to read. Reading one line at a time helps you get through the script and hopefully, will be worth it if there is indeed, a punchline... or maybe just a har har story.

Don't expect a punchline

Read FCN posts just expecting to be mildly entertained. If something is actually pretty funny, it will surprise you and you will actually laugh.

LOL!

Always laugh out loud to yourself at anything that you thimk shoulda been funny, is funny, or isn't much of anything. Laughing out loud will help you laugh more at punchlines that come in the post. LOL also helps relieve some of the tension and expectations you have when reading a humor blog. It's just not right to expect a humor blog to be funny on EVERY post. ... ESPecially one that posts everyday

Read FCN before RFCN

Be sure to start with FCN, that way you are not disappointed or have too high standards for them.

Hope this helps ya all...

... uhh, please post, don't come back to haunt us.

FCN, it's time

2007-09-13T16:40:00.001-07:00

Cody, Travis and Dan?

RFCN really thinks it's time for you guys to stop acting like you have 10 unique visitors.
RFCN believes in honesty to it's readers. It's disappointing that our sister site is so Envoy-ish on these issues.

What's the current count? 20,000?

House Cleaning

2007-09-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Really Funny Class Notes, we would like to take this time to update our readers on RFCN policies and promises.

First off we would like to thank everyone who has visited our site that goes out to EVERYONE from girlfriends all the way to our arch enemies who visit our site to spit us but in fact do not realize that the jokes on them because they still visit our site and we count that as success because all we wanted was readers anyways

Now that sentence brings up another issue, grammar. We here at RFCN belief that there is nothing more important, then not caring about grammar. IF you had problems reading our post because of the grammar, then you need to go to a support group. The only way that is even possible, is if while reading a sentence the only thing you even think about is the grammar mistakes. This in fact could be a legitimate problem. We however, seriously doubt that our grammar has affected our reader’s ability to read something; we know this because most comments are as follows:

"That post was lame; you guys need to stop insulting Travis. And btw the grammar was so bad I couldn't read it."

That actually brings us to the next issue, commenting. Please do not get us wrong, we appreciate positive comments. But if you didn't like the post, don't comment. We'll get the point after a while. But RFCN studies have in fact shown that negative comments affect overall site popularity. This is simply because humor is subjective, and some of your comments try to make it seem as if humor is objective. Thus convincing people that something that may have been funny is in fact not.

Bringing us to the next topic; funny posts. We here at RFCN actually (believe it or not) prefer to post only that which is funny... and TRUTHFUL! Unlike Funny Class notes (trade mark of RFCN) we guarantee that everything we say is true, is in fact, true. But in an effort to guarantee funniness, we do not guarantee originality. Deal with it.

RFCN would like to point out that we now have a total of 1,391 visits (933 unique) and an average of 30 per day. So, in an effort to expand; we expanded. We now have 5 contributors, the newest is Zech Keenan.

We also don't see a reason why not one of you has ever clicked on an AD at the bottom of our site. Please, it makes us money, maybe someday we can buy a professional editor and then you won't have to complain about our grammar... but that said, please only do it if you our legitimately interested in the AD, we say that in order not to get sued by Google.

At this point we would like to take a moment to thank Funnny Class Notes For their part in our success. We realize it must be hard for you to see us have almost 10 times the unique hits and over 13 times the visits that you have. So instead of holding this above you, we would like to remind our viewers that FCN exists and it is not a crime to visit their site. Remember; Just say yes to funniness

Now, the last issue we should cover is that of the frequency of posts. We actually take pride in the fact that we post only a few times a week. We believe this gives everyone the time to find time to read our latest post. So instead of overwhelming you with too many posts to catch up on like FCN, you have plenty of time to read through our posts before the next one.

And we would like to end this house cleaning post by joining FCN and saying; vote Ron Paul and clean your own house, it's you responsibility.

In memory of those who fell

2007-09-11T15:04:00.001-07:00

Chris asked once "why we would have a humor blog and write things that aren't funny". To answer his question, sometimes things are important to say on a site with almost 1,000 hits. One of those things we'd like to say right now is just a reminder of the date.

9/11

I watched a video today of a phone conversation between Fire Dispatch and someone inside the second tower (caught in smoke). He was begging the fire department to get to him to the point of screaming profanity. The fire department assured him they were in the building trying to get to him when suddenly the building collapsed. The video showed the tower start the collapse as you heard the man scream in horror and die.

Let us not live in fear... but let us not forget the fear we once had.

To the heroes of 9/11... your bravery is the reason why we live in a great nation.

To the heroes that fought or are fighting in war on terror in Afghanistan, your bravery is the reason why our great nation still exists.

Smile and smoothness

2007-09-07T15:53:00.001-07:00

If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.

Have you ever been around a girl and the opportunity came up to compliment her on her looks, but you just didn’t know if she’d like it? Or maybe you were at a ball room dance and you and hottie over there were the only ones left, but you just didn’t know if you could pull it off? Or perhaps you were greeting a friend you knew pretty well and she looked like she was waiting for you to give her a hug. If you have ever found yourself in a situation like this and you thought it felt awkward how timing and random chance gave you a shot with a girl, then you have had an opportune moment. But if you have been in a situation where it would be awkward and almost wrong for you NOT to hold the girls hand, hug her, or say something kind, then you’ve had a REALLY OBVIOUS Opportune Moment.

Listen carefully ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and Travis… girls know if you miss an opportune moment. So, if what we are saying seems to apply to you, then we have just the thing for you. RFCN is starting a new series on advice called REALLY Obvious Opportune Moments (ROOM).

Lesson One:
Photographs

The situation:

You are standing or sitting with a girl. You’d like to put your arm around her for any reason and suddenly… someone wants a picture of you two.

This is a ROO moment!

I know you all are thinking that you already know when to do it etc…
Let’s take a look at some moments missed.

As you can see, sometimes avoiding opportune moments end up making awkward moments for both sexes. It's also dead obvious as you both sit or stand rubbing arms trying to smile for the camera. ... Buuuut that's not the worst that can happen. No doubt doing a hug incorrectly can make the moment even more awkward.

Chris in the this picture is what we like to call, overly opportune Momentous. That's bad. Sorry Chris, a little too much effort in that last one.

Comeon peeps... this is how it's done...

RFCN takes a trip to Africa

2007-09-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

It wasn't hot enough in California for RFCN, so we took a trip to Africa over the past few days.
Our mission was clear - help native rain forest Indians in Africa protect endangered gorillas from poachers and global warming.

As the plane soared over the rich African rain forest, our pilot announced over the intercom that our destination airport was being taken over by rebel fighters in a coup. Needless to say, we didn't land there. The pilot then announced that after a quick Google Earth search, he had found an abandoned airstrip within 3 miles of our objective airport. Banking to the left, the pilot began his descent.

As our pilot eased the massive Boeing 747 onto the weed covered runway, our contact appeared at the edge of the clearing. By the time we had disembarked the aircraft via an emergency slide, Kuld had reached the aircraft

"Unuggh ugyen, FCN klamef tuda," he grunted, gesturing to to the forest.

Rob, the only member of our party who could speak Swahili, translated for the rest of us.

"Well, apparently Klud has seen poachers coming this direction from the airport."

"Ingu nastd txfu potge tszan."

"And the poachers are armed with machine guns and RPGs..."

"Yher vir edtu ga!"

"...they are driving two jeeps and slashing his pineapple plants with a machete!" Exclaimed Rob. "Let's head to your villa- oh stupid me, I'm talking to you in English! Iteni wayupe qten, Klud."

Klud began walking into the dense jungle, seemingly at Rob's suggestion, so we grabbed our gear and started after him. After what seemed to be at least a dozen miles of following Klud's footpath, we reached his village. Houses built in the trees was obviously the dominate style in the area, and Klud showed us to the central lodge where we would be staying the night with his weapons cache.

It was getting late by the time Klud's wife brought us a customary monkey arm platter for dinner. By the light of a torch, we went over our supplies.

"Well I brought some Cliff bars and Gatorade....and a spare shirt," announced Jon.

"WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!?" Screamed Richard. "WE ARE IN THE JUNGLE, SOON TO BE FIGHTING POACHERS, NOT ON A DAY HIKE!"

"Oh."

"Oh is right, and I'm not giving any of my Zone bars or Monster to you. As for the rest of my equipment, I purchased a compound bow before we left, I hope I can kill the poachers who slashed Klud's pineapples," Rich mused. "And I brought more than one shirt to change into."

"You brought 2 shirts? I actually brought several full changes of clothes," said Rob. "I brought a portable chemistry kit, just in case." With that, Rob made some toothpaste with his chemistry kit, smeared it on his teeth, and headed to bed.

"Riiiiight. A chemistry kit." Everything was starting to make sense to Jon. Or possibly it was just what he thought made sense but was completely wrong like every other time something "made sense" to him.

"Shut up and go to sleep," mumbled Rich as he stuffed the last of the monkey meat into his mouth and laid down on the bough floor.

As the night grew colder, the sleeping RFCN team dreamt about eating their Cliff and Zone bars.

With a start, Richard sat up to the early morning sun. "Guys wake up, what was that?"

"What was what?" murmured Jon

"That noise. It sounds like a car"

"It's probably a car. Why don't you go kill a poacher or something?"

"Good idea, I'll take Rob with me."

Rich started thinking about what would happen if he and Rob actually managed to kill or wound a poacher. "Would Rob and I have to bury him right then and there? Should we leave his body out to rot in the humid jungle? What if the car I heard was one of the two that Klud told Rob about yesterday? Would they return fire? Would they kill me?!? Wait, if I paint myself blue and hang some of Jon's teeth by a string on my neck, perhaps I can sneak away from the poachers before they see me."

So with that brilliant logic, Richard painted himself blue with the Cobalt from Rob's chemistry kit. He then woke the still sleeping Rob. After finding out why Richard was painted blue, Rob and Rich left the lodge with their gear in search of the poachers.

They started off in a northern direction, stopping only briefly to eat moss and Zone bars. Suddenly they stumbled upon what appeared to be a road cut out of the jungle by a machete only a few hours before.

"So this is what Klud was talking about yesterday, only the poachers have gotten much closer to the village," mumbled Rob. "Hey Rich, let's follow this path."

"Hold on chum, which way are you going to go?"

"Uhhhh...left?"

"How about if you be quiet for a minute and we'll see if we can hear the cars again."

.....::the sound of a clutch grinding drifts from the path to the right::......

"See? Right, not left! Let's go," said Rich.

After 30 minutes, Richard saw a jeep ahead of them on the trail. In the rear, a figure faced forward clutching a tripod mounted machine gun, while his comrade sat next to him, facing Richard. As Richard scanned the rest of the group, the only man who could possibly notice him sneak up was the bloke facing the rear, who Richard just noticed was drinking a soda.

"Get into the foliage Rob, you don't have blue paint and a tooth necklace for camouflage! I'm going to nail the guy facing this way with my bow," hissed Richard.

Robert watched the pure power or the bow flex under Richard's massive arms as a blue arrow was drawn silently. Then with a barley audible "twang," the arrow lept forward and thudded into the bulletproof vest of the poacher, who promptly fell off of the jeep, spitting the foamy Coke out of his mouth as he hit the forest floor.

Robert's jaw dropped as he then saw the individual at the mounted machine gun start shooting randomly into the forest, completely unaware that Richard was crouching to the side of the path behind him. As the smoke from the machine gun cleared, Richard jumped into the middle of the path and gave a traditional Swahili war screech, holding his bow to the trees. The moran operating the gun began firing again, somehow unable to hit Richard. Suddenly there was a sharp report of a sniper rifle, and Rob saw an old woman in the front lowering her customized Gorilla sniper. She also proved to be a lame shot, missing Richard by several feet as he jumped into the bushes by the path.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued...

Prank tip #3

2007-09-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

We thought it was time for another prank tip.

First, steal (ok, fine, don't steal...just borrow very discretely) a friend's cell phone. Set the alarm function of the phone to sometime around 3 AM. If the phone has multiple alarms, set them 20 minutes apart starting a few hours after you know the victim will be asleep. Turn the alarm volume up completely.

Next, set their wallpaper to an image of Travis Herche sipping slimfast, and lock the wallpaper with password under the settings.*

Lastly, change the language of the phone to Korean or Mandarin Chinese and return the phone to your friend.

*Please note that FCN can be held liable in a Federal court of law for any damages - physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, property, and monetary - that occur to any individual who has a picture of Travis Herche sipping slimfast set on their phone by any individual hereinafter therefore not referred to as Travis, despite the side effects resulting not by personal intention of sleep deprivation which are brought upon the undersigned's second cousin's roomie's pet cat's former owner during a past life who happened to be an incarnation of Travis himself from Polynesian Folklore, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Please eat responsibly.

The Following is a True Story...

2007-09-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

I love camping. I'm just gonna say it. I heart camping. Quality time with the family, scarfing down s'mores and the fresh smell of *sniffs the air*.....poop?

My uncle and I were sitting around the campsite one morning. It was about 10:45 or so, and my little cousin Josiah comes running up the hill from the lake.
"Hey Dad, can I go swimming?" he asks my Uncle.
"Sure go get your swim suit on."
So, Josiah, who is five yeas old runs farther up the hill where his tent is to put on his trunks. Twenty minutes later, my Uncle and I were so engrossed in our conversation that eventually we started to wonder, what was taking Josiah so long.
"Hey Si! are you ok?" my Uncle yelled.
"Yeah, I need to go poop dad!" Josiah yells back.
"Well, get your suit on then I'll take you to the bathroom."
"I can't find my suit!"
In the middle of this little conversatioin between my uncle and my cousin, my other cousin, Jordan sits down right next to me.
"Hey Jord, can you help Josiah find his swim trunks? I'll give you a Hershey bar if you do." So Jordan willingly gets up from his seat and quickly finds Josiah's swim trunks. Two minutes later he comes walking back down the hill.
"There! Found 'em! now where's my Hershey bar."
"It's in the cooler."
So, Jordan leaves and my Uncle and I were sitting there enjoying our conversation when again we start to wonder, how long does it freaking take to put on a pair of swim shorts.
"Josiah, Hurry up!" My uncle yelled.
no answer.
"Josiah!"
still no answer
In my mind I was like, "Huh, this is seeming kind of strange."
"Ugh, what is wrong with that kid." My uncle muttered as he got of his fold-out chair and walked up to Josiah's tent.
"What is that smell?" Said my Uncle. "It smells like...."
Let me just say, none of us saw this coming. We all know that Josiah isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but you'd think he had the ability to hold it in.
"POOP! YOU POOPED OUTSIDE YOUR TENT! GAH GEEZ! AND INSIDE YOUR TENT! Oh my gosh!" My uncle looked around some more and noticed one of the pieces of feces had an imprint in it.
"Josiah! Did you step in poop!"
"No."
'THEN HOW'D IT GET ON YOUR FOOT!"
Right here is where I completely burst into laughter. I had to leave the area. Josiah ended up pooping outside of his tent, stepping in it, then walked into his tent. Needless to say my Uncle had to clean up the inside of the tent as well. Apparently Josiah had gotten that lovely substance on the air matress, the sleeping bag, the floor, and, of all things, his swim shorts.

..........man I love camping.

...

2007-09-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

Drop dead chris

Glorious coke?

2007-09-02T19:38:00.001-07:00

Don't look at Coke to be sung to the song "Don't look at me" by Stacie Orrico

Don’t look at coke if you’re looking for perfection
Don’t look at coke it will only let you down
It’ll do it’s best to point you in the right direction
But don’t look at coke
No, no, no
Look for sprite

Sometimes I fear
That you will taste a coke
And get the thought “now that’s satisfaction”

But all that you detect
Is what Coke reflects
Of Coca Cola’s main attraction

It’ll lead you to the one I found
that’ll give you everything you need

Don’t look at coke if you’re looking for perfection
Don’t look at coke it will only let you down
It’ll do it’s best to point you in the right direction
But don’t look at coke
No, no, no
Look for sprite

It’s understandable you want quality
But coke can’t meet all your expectations
Still it can teach you things about the brand
The brand that brought you satisfaction

It’ll lead you to the one I found
that’ll give you everything you need

Don’t look at coke if you’re looking for perfection
Don’t look at coke it will only let you down
It’ll do it’s best to point you in the right direction
But don’t look at coke
No, no, no
Look for sprite

It’s the one who always gets it right
It’s the one who always hits you right
It’s everything you want it to be
It’s the answer to your every need
If you drink sprite you will see it’s better

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh yeah

It'll do it’s best to point you in the right direction
But don't look at coke
No, no, no

Don’t look at coke if you’re looking for perfection
Don’t look at coke it will only let you down
It’ll do it’s best to point you in the right direction
But don’t look at coke
No, no, no, no, no, oh, oh,
Look for sprite

Sprite... you don't have to smoke it to get satisfaction, Travis.

Most interesting password contest

2007-08-31T10:52:00.000-07:00

RFCN is having a "Most interesting password contest". So, if you think you have a clever password, send it to reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. The Grand Prize will be announced. All you need to enter the contest is your name, email address, phone number, and SN.

Password requirements are
1 Must be a current password for more then 4 months.
2 Must keep the password for another 4 months.
3 Must be a password that you use more often then any other password.

If you have multiple screen names and passwords... just create a new entry and be sure to let us know specifically what sites these are for so we know you aren't making it up.

Go Go Go!

Steptigo

2007-08-29T23:42:00.000-07:00

Space Sickness is caused by flight in space and makes you feel like you are weightless. Sea sickness makes you feel like you are on water when you are not. Giddiness makes you feel like you are falling. Vertigo causes you to lose consciousness of up and down.

Today I’d like to tell you about something I’d like to call Steptigo. Steptigo causes you to lose consciousness of the next step in front of you. Eventually, you will be running completely blind down the steps with no idea how to prepare for the next step you may land on. Steptigo is dangerous especially while sprinting on bleachers. If sprinted fast enough, Steptigo will make it only a matter of time before you clip a step the wrong way and, if you are sprinting, no doubt you will clip a few more steps before you come to a stop (the definition of stop does not include the word landing).

Anyone got any ice?

Funny Stories: First day at college

2007-08-27T22:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of school, so I thought I'd share with you guys some of the highlights. I used to think nobody actually went to MJC but then I realized it was just a summer thing. Fall MJC is like an umbrella in a tornado

First, we left at 10:47 and it takes 17.5 minutes to get to the east campus. Robert's class starts at 11. Robert complains telling me that I'm gonna have to go real fast on the freeway!"

...1 minute later, we're stopped on the freeway; apparently Monday was massive freeway construction day.

We turned up the stereo to help the pain. Oh yeah! stereo doesn't go that high! We complain about it and decide tomorrow is buy new 400 amp car speakers day.

10:58, drop Robert off at the campus (um no... I didn't speed.) ;-)

I begin searching for parking when it then occurs to me that I can't park anywhere close without a permit but I need to park and get the permit in order to park.

I park in some random neighborhood full of other students in my dilemma. Some guy pulls up beside me and I hear him exclaim !#$% @#&$! I think to myself "yeah dude, welcome to the club" as I walk away.

On campus I run into a sister of a friend, who approaches me and says "hey Robert!" I think of a non-awkward way of breaking it to her by saying "close, you had a 50% shot." She then stands there very, very awkwardly trying to think of my name...

At this point I'm thinking "girl, you making it awkward for all of us." I tell her after a few guesses, and I find an excuse to get to my class a little early. I pass another girl who just calls me "Birlew", because she's man enough to admit she can't remember which one I am. She informs me that my econ teacher was a monotoner.... 10 seconds after I enter the class I find out she was indeed, right.

End of class he reads the roll sheet, and I soon realize that I am the only one in this class that looks like I was born in this country. I mean that respectfully, but dudes... one guy was wearing a bright orange robe. the only normal name was Samuel... "Goonshapa" was his last name. Shaniqua was sitting next to me. That white girl across the row was named "Joon", one guy just straight tells the teacher to call him "Flant" Because the poor guy had no chance at pronouncing his real name.

Speech class was filled with people that should be going to a "people who talk too much in public and need to stop" class. We had to start by standing in front of class and telling everyone our name, (which they teacher uses when she calls us up), personal info, (some of it was way too personal) our career, and "something unique about us that you wouldn't know by just looking".

They very first girl, (who was actually very pleasant to look at) shares that she just turned 18, (I'm thinking "sweet! my age!!") just graduated and married. Yes, that same emotion was going through every one's mind at the same time... WHAT!!!!!!

She explains that "he was really a nice guy, so we got married right after high school (like 2 months)...and then he changed. Don't worry, I filed for divorce already; I'm trying to forget it."

10 seconds of awkward silence... you could tell everyone was trying to figure out how to react. Is she still crying about it? Is she over it? How could she be? Is she even human? Should give her our apologies?

Laughter breaks out, everyone is yelling questions and she got the attention she apparently really wanted.

Next guy is a really tall dude who's wearing a basketball shirt, shorts and Michael Jordon shoes. "I've been playing basketball since I was 3 years old" (Go figure) And I want to play in the NBA! I had a full ride to San Diego. When I was a freshman I was 5-3 and now I'm 6-4. ::starts to sit down:: The teacher exclaims, you forgot the unique part. "Oh! Right. I can post-up like no other and I can dunk a basketball" Someone asks: "you had a full ride? what happened? He responds: I lost it, cause-a grades. Now I wanna get my full ride back. Ima play for the Kings!!"

Random flirty girl gets up and says that she from Turlock where they are hot guys "unlike this place" Random flirt-backer dude exclaims "What!! me. ME!!!" Rob who is next to her: "wow, I see". She responds by saying that he wasn’t her type.

After a couple people, some girl gets up who "also just turned 18" (2 days before the married girl) but she wasn't my type. I could tell this by the fact that she talked at least 14 times the previous people...and never really stopped...

She exclaims that she just moved here and she had her first date last night. "Oh, and actually I just broke up with him 5 minutes before class." "I used the text message tactic" ::all the guys shiver:: "I gave him the whole 'I just want to be friends bit' [2 guys start crying] just like on the movies ::evil snicker::"

"What did he do wrong?" Some (obviously not a player) guy asks. "Well, you know... over dinner he starts talking about his health benefits from his job... and you know... it was scaring me." "What his number?" Some 30 year old desperate girl yells out.

Speech ends after Robert embarrasses Stephanie by telling the teacher that she was an impromptu 3rd place national champion... which of course raises expectations, and certainly didn't gain him any points. :-/

On the far side of the campus I pass a guy that used to go to my youth group, except no one had seen him for a while. "Hhhmm… I should say ‘hi’ to him" I thought to myself. Only problem was he was acting weird standing over by the power produces objects behind the electronics building. I decided that it was better for his personality problems to just nod at him; of course he ignored me.

I'm walking down the path as I'm thinking about his problems. Then it dawned on me: last I heard he threatened to bring a bomb to school at Ripon High because he hated a teacher... I began to walk a lot faster.

I meet up with Robert [apparently no bomb went off] who told me that Polisci is in the same building as history was. I walk in a couple minutes before him and just because I'm not a normal, prideful guy I ask a random girl what class it was as I'm sitting down. She answers that it was sign-language class at the same time another Women answer with fire science. I walk out as they are arguing over which building was which.

I find the class and after some random first-class talk, we began our introductions. Name, career, and what we would do as president. I'm telling you, everyone and their mom answered with health care reform… and the few left said "make college cheaper." I'm thinking "and give me a million bucks too!"

Finally some old lawyer women answers with medical malpractice reform because that's actually what's causing the problems with healthcare prices. ::The few people in the class who had brains began to cheer at this point::

Some girl gets up and leaves realizing that this wasn't the sign language class.

They were quite a few people who should been in the public speaking class. But finally.... the last guy stands up... and informs everyone that he work at the "porn shop". EVERYONE was like "wah? what did he just say?" He exclaims very loudly this time "yeah! I work at the porn shop. It's just down the street."

The teacher [a women] is staring at him at this point. After a few minutes a very awkward laughter she pronounces that this is a first for her class. She then (obviously trying to change the subject) asks what his major is. He answers with video and graphic design. She responds by saying that she should have seen that one coming. ::Everyone nods::

After about 15 minutes of public policy discussion some girl packs up and leaves explaining "I can't take this anymore, it's so boring"

After class Bob and I went to Wendy's to soak in some food and headed home.

This is college eh?

Funny stories: the department of being lame

2007-08-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

So, I was fishing with my sister up at the Goodwin Dam area of the Stanislaus river. It's a fly fishing only barbless hooks catch and release protected wild trout stream that I love to fish. Anyways this particular time, I forgot my fishing license. I have never been asked by a game warden of the department of fish and game for a license before so I figured no big deal.

So! I'm fishing upstream of my sister when sure enough, a warden starts walking towards me from further upstream. I figured I was safe because he couldn't get to me. So I yelled over: howdy! He cut through the brush right next to the shoreline next to me. I'm not sure why I was thinking maybe he wouldn't ask for my license, because if you know anything about Game Wardens, that's how they make there money (and they always ask). So I preemptive-ly show him my hooks are barbless and I have kept no fish. Sure enough he asks anyways: can you show me your license?

In a flash I thought:
Run! Wait, I'm in the middle of the water with rapids on either side!
Swim! Wait, I have my wallet on me.
Lie! No wait, that's a federal crime.

So I gave in and said. No, sorry. I may have left it in the car but I don't have it on me. The warden then said: well, what color is the license?

In a flash I thought:
Dang, this question may be worth $600!
Orange or green, orange or green

Um sir, it's orange? or... or green? Orange!

He just continued chewing his gum. You alone? ... No I said, I have my sister with me down stream.

Another flash thought... I remembered Chrissy, an amateur fishermen, had lost her fly and retied another fly on her hook. She had no clue it was supposed to have the barb bent downward with pliers. I knew for a fact that mistake would be worth hundreds of dollars. How could I get to her first?

The warden said we should head on over to her and asked for more specific directions.
Then I caught a break when the warden invited me to go across in the water on the right side of a branched off smaller stream to avoid the thorny vines on his trial on the left side of the stream. I'm like... sure whatever. Then as sure as he was out of site I sprinted in the water towards Chrissy. I got to her yelling, CHRISSY! CUT OFF THE FLY! She's like... uh sure. I explained to her: The warden is coming and you have a barb on your hook! Cut it off and grab the extra rod! I had another rod which she had got stuck on a rock. So she grabbed it just as the warden showed up.

He checked all the hooks and then joked about not being able to check the fly stuck in the water. Chrissy just laughed at him.

So! He checked her license and then showed me it was green not orange. I'm like, yeah great.

But he let me off because I was a minor. I don't really think he believed me about ever having a license.

Who needs the department of fish and game anyways?

Yup

2007-08-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

I know I don't normally do apologies... and I know everyone hates the entire site anyways... Buuuuut honestly the last two posts were 1 because we were really short on time and 2... FCN knows about the last post... it wasnt' supposed to be funny at all... just something we had to do... So bare with us if you will...

hey Gramps...

2007-08-23T12:18:00.001-07:00

10 Things I want to do when I become a grandpa.

I was thinking about this the other day. I used to think I wanted to die around the age of 40 just because it's so much more fun to die young .. that way you can actually die doing something spectacular as opposed to die walking around the house with a walker ... but now I think it actually might be worth the effort to become a grandpa.

So I made a list of things I wanna do when I become a grandpa

1 Walk around without my dentures

2 Act def for an entire day starting from when I wake up

3 Wear in a Speedo on the beach

4 Grow the biggest pot belly ever seen by mankind

5 Go shirtless for a whole month

6 Turn off my hearing aid on my wife/kids/grandkids

7 Get one of those mobile scooter things and run people off the road

8 Act like I have dementia and forget the grandkids names

9 Grow a cave man beard all the way to my chest

10 Die

Yeah, I'd be pretty much the best grandpa ever... Come to think of it... I could start on some of these things right now!