Well, so far you know that the authors of RFCN are truthful, good looking, and out to provide a alternative to FCN. But one thing you may not have known is that we are humble. So humble in fact, we'd like to talk about our mistakes... mistakes we haven't made that is. Since we never make mistakes, we thought we should make a list of mistakes we almost made. So without further udada:
Never use the sting relief packet for non-bee stings
The sting relief packet in standard first aid kits is not for sting that comes from open wounds... it's for bee stings. It will actually be the source of stinging beyond your imagination if you use it for non-bee related stinging.
Never volunteer without knowing what it is for
This is true for almost anything, especially in war, debate class and chemistry (science) class/experiments.
Never ask a girl how her day "really" was
You know in a conversation when you say: Hi? How are you? And everyone always says: Great/Fine/Good/OK/etc ? Unless you have a free hour, don't ask for the truth about how they feel or how they are doing.
Never test how far you can push some guy who is bigger
Yes, we've all done it. Just push the big soft guy around. I have a smashed head (that I never got because I don't make mistakes) that says... maybe that's a bad idea.
Never embarrass a teacher in front of her/his class
Oh yeah, bad idea. Unless you plan on acing her class with 100% and a newly founded bias against you, don't say something out of your league. Teachers always have a way of getting the upper hand. (Of course, we'd encourage challenging teachers in their doctrine, just overkill/embarrassment always comes back to bite)
Never challenge or diss someone about something you haven't seen them do
No matter how great you are, Murphy's law says you'll trash talk to the one ping-pong pro or arm-wrestling champion in the State. Wrestling's a killer. Never size someone up by how they look in wrestling, the littlest guy will end up being a wrestling technique teacher.
Never challenge someone in a sport or competition you've never played
Once again, this is a great way to get beat by a 6 year old girl. Unless you have a great idea what you are doing, save your words before you eat them. Not that I've been beat by a 6 year old or anything. (wink wink)
Never fall for the crud about asking the girl's best friend how the girl feels about you
This was invented so that the girl could have an automatic alert anytime anyone was interested in her enough to want to know what she thought of them. Think about it, they are best friends. Do you really think her best friend won't tell her? Never ever ask the best friend without paying her off.
And finally, never start a blog off by saying you'll be better than one of the best blogs you've read. Even if you do well, all you get is bias against your site.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
10/22/07
9/7/07
Smile and smoothness
If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.
Have you ever been around a girl and the opportunity came up to compliment her on her looks, but you just didn’t know if she’d like it? Or maybe you were at a ball room dance and you and hottie over there were the only ones left, but you just didn’t know if you could pull it off? Or perhaps you were greeting a friend you knew pretty well and she looked like she was waiting for you to give her a hug. If you have ever found yourself in a situation like this and you thought it felt awkward how timing and random chance gave you a shot with a girl, then you have had an opportune moment. But if you have been in a situation where it would be awkward and almost wrong for you NOT to hold the girls hand, hug her, or say something kind, then you’ve had a REALLY OBVIOUS Opportune Moment.
Listen carefully ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and Travis… girls know if you miss an opportune moment. So, if what we are saying seems to apply to you, then we have just the thing for you. RFCN is starting a new series on advice called REALLY Obvious Opportune Moments (ROOM).
Lesson One:
Photographs
The situation:
You are standing or sitting with a girl. You’d like to put your arm around her for any reason and suddenly… someone wants a picture of you two.
This is a ROO moment!
I know you all are thinking that you already know when to do it etc…
Let’s take a look at some moments missed.
As you can see, sometimes avoiding opportune moments end up making awkward moments for both sexes. It's also dead obvious as you both sit or stand rubbing arms trying to smile for the camera. ... Buuuut that's not the worst that can happen. No doubt doing a hug incorrectly can make the moment even more awkward.
Chris in the this picture is what we like to call, overly opportune Momentous. That's bad. Sorry Chris, a little too much effort in that last one.
Comeon peeps... this is how it's done...
Have you ever been around a girl and the opportunity came up to compliment her on her looks, but you just didn’t know if she’d like it? Or maybe you were at a ball room dance and you and hottie over there were the only ones left, but you just didn’t know if you could pull it off? Or perhaps you were greeting a friend you knew pretty well and she looked like she was waiting for you to give her a hug. If you have ever found yourself in a situation like this and you thought it felt awkward how timing and random chance gave you a shot with a girl, then you have had an opportune moment. But if you have been in a situation where it would be awkward and almost wrong for you NOT to hold the girls hand, hug her, or say something kind, then you’ve had a REALLY OBVIOUS Opportune Moment.
Listen carefully ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and Travis… girls know if you miss an opportune moment. So, if what we are saying seems to apply to you, then we have just the thing for you. RFCN is starting a new series on advice called REALLY Obvious Opportune Moments (ROOM).
Lesson One:
Photographs
The situation:
You are standing or sitting with a girl. You’d like to put your arm around her for any reason and suddenly… someone wants a picture of you two.
This is a ROO moment!
I know you all are thinking that you already know when to do it etc…
Let’s take a look at some moments missed.
As you can see, sometimes avoiding opportune moments end up making awkward moments for both sexes. It's also dead obvious as you both sit or stand rubbing arms trying to smile for the camera. ... Buuuut that's not the worst that can happen. No doubt doing a hug incorrectly can make the moment even more awkward.
Chris in the this picture is what we like to call, overly opportune Momentous. That's bad. Sorry Chris, a little too much effort in that last one.
Comeon peeps... this is how it's done...
7/16/07
SecretlyFlirtatious
It seems our only expertise may be flirting with girls, so we continue with our advice on how to treat women in those unique everyday situations.
You may have never seen a hot signal light girl, but we are decently sure you've all been in situation where you wanted to flirt with a girl but chickened out worst than Kim Jong-il. We know all of us weren’t born with the confidence of a RFCN guy, so we thought we’d try to help out a little.
Here's our short list of ways to secretly flirt with a girl. Please use responsibly.
Random Compliments
Don’t just compliment them, be sure to pick the most random thing on earth and make a big deal about it. Anything from “you hold your fork with such poise” to “your starbucks looks a little more full then mine, must have been a guy working”. Girls will mostly just think you are an idiot. This is really handy for later on becuase if you bite the dust and marry the girl, you'll have real compliments left for those days when you forget your anniversary. ::Ahem:: sorry, thinking way to far ahead here, we have to keep in mind that Travis reads this blog from time to time.
Generalize your Statements
Try saying nice things about everyone that really only apply to her. For example, “you all have such beautiful hair”. We wouldn’t recommend using that one with only guys standing around her. A more clever approach is actually to generalize all girls not just other people around her. For example, “girls are doing such a nice job making their hair look nice these days”. She might find it strange but you should be on safe ground. “Hey stop looking at me like that, I said all girls, not just you. Don’t hit me, I really just meant every girl except you has nice hair.” Actually don’t say that last sentence, it might be a slapper. (Face, not knee slapper, Chris)
Add, “In a sister sort of way”
If you just used a nice compliment on a girl and she starts to give you the “no way sucker” look, quickly add, “in a sister sort of way” to the end of your sentence. “you are the sweetest girl I have ever meant and I would love to hang out with you more”“I mean in a sister sort of way”. Try to stay away from kissing comments if you use the sister technique. (unless you live in Alabama or something)
Talk for someone else
Just start with “so my buddy saw you the other day and he said”… “he said that you have the prettiest hair of all the girls he’s seen” After you start with a believable comment (that your "friend made"), get really specific so that she wonders if he’s saying it or if you are saying it. "he said he really likes the way your hair shines in the sun and makes that bright blonde look like its doing right now. ... I mean right then when he was looking at you" If she gets mad just say “yeah and I slapped him and told him never to hang out with me again if he looks at you like that”
Mumble and deny
This one takes some quick thinking, but you can almost mumble something. When she asks you what you said, make up something that sounds like it.
“You look really nice”“I saiiid this steak needs some spice” You can also try double meaning words, just change your tone of voice or add a clarity word the second time, “you look really hot” “and sweaty, do you need some water?”
We would like to state that RFCN's official position on this is that you should flirt like a man. But, if you do use our tips, best of luck to you.
RFCN is not responsible for any and all injuries sustained while attempting to be secretly flirtatious. While using our methods please do not reference RFCN or any of their posts. RFCN has the right to deniability and does not offer a guarantee or warranty of any kind. If you do happen to use our technique and some how end up marrying a rich heiress, please remember the kind authors at RFCN who are still living on 25 cent allowances.
You may have never seen a hot signal light girl, but we are decently sure you've all been in situation where you wanted to flirt with a girl but chickened out worst than Kim Jong-il. We know all of us weren’t born with the confidence of a RFCN guy, so we thought we’d try to help out a little.
Here's our short list of ways to secretly flirt with a girl. Please use responsibly.
Random Compliments
Don’t just compliment them, be sure to pick the most random thing on earth and make a big deal about it. Anything from “you hold your fork with such poise” to “your starbucks looks a little more full then mine, must have been a guy working”. Girls will mostly just think you are an idiot. This is really handy for later on becuase if you bite the dust and marry the girl, you'll have real compliments left for those days when you forget your anniversary. ::Ahem:: sorry, thinking way to far ahead here, we have to keep in mind that Travis reads this blog from time to time.
Generalize your Statements
Try saying nice things about everyone that really only apply to her. For example, “you all have such beautiful hair”. We wouldn’t recommend using that one with only guys standing around her. A more clever approach is actually to generalize all girls not just other people around her. For example, “girls are doing such a nice job making their hair look nice these days”. She might find it strange but you should be on safe ground. “Hey stop looking at me like that, I said all girls, not just you. Don’t hit me, I really just meant every girl except you has nice hair.” Actually don’t say that last sentence, it might be a slapper. (Face, not knee slapper, Chris)
Add, “In a sister sort of way”
If you just used a nice compliment on a girl and she starts to give you the “no way sucker” look, quickly add, “in a sister sort of way” to the end of your sentence. “you are the sweetest girl I have ever meant and I would love to hang out with you more”
Talk for someone else
Just start with “so my buddy saw you the other day and he said”
Mumble and deny
This one takes some quick thinking, but you can almost mumble something. When she asks you what you said, make up something that sounds like it.
“You look really nice”
We would like to state that RFCN's official position on this is that you should flirt like a man. But, if you do use our tips, best of luck to you.
RFCN is not responsible for any and all injuries sustained while attempting to be secretly flirtatious. While using our methods please do not reference RFCN or any of their posts. RFCN has the right to deniability and does not offer a guarantee or warranty of any kind. If you do happen to use our technique and some how end up marrying a rich heiress, please remember the kind authors at RFCN who are still living on 25 cent allowances.
7/12/07
Signal light girls
While our friends over at FCN may be just starting out to drive, most of the authors of RFCN have been driving for a little while. In our experience, we have discovered what we’d like to call signal light girls.
One minute, you are sitting in the left turn lane at a red signal wondering why you had to miss the light, and the next, she comes along. The woman of your dreams drives up right beside you in a red corvette. She probably only looks like the woman of your dreams because you can only see the shoulders up, but she’s got you staring at her anyways. You look at her for two seconds in awe before it hits you: this lights only going to last a few more seconds and you’ll never see her again. Yes we know some of you out there have been in our shoes, and if you haven’t, you will someday. Not if, but when you find yourself in this position, do not panic. Try to remain calm. This is your time to separate yourself from the millions of other signal light stalkers out there.
RFCN has come up with a list of suggestions to use if you want to leave an impression.
Stare straight ahead
If you are very shy, too nervous, or scared to try anything risky, try the intellectual stare. Look over in the corner of your eye to see if she’s looking at you. If she is, begin staring at some random object like you are in deep thought. If you are feeling really bold, try staring at an object in her general area, but do not look directly at her. This is a pretty safe tactic so if anything goes wrong, it may just be the driver you cut off a couple miles back finally catching up with you.
Smile and wave
If you are slightly uneasy about being a signal stalker, but want to get the girl to acknowledge you anyways, try the smile and wave. Turn your head towards her and give a medium smile (try not to overdue it and definitely don’t drool). After she looks towards you with curiosity, begin to slowly raise your arm and give a slight wave. Do not give your best Princess Dianna wave or she might think you are some overly egotistic rock-star wannabe who thinks she wants your autograph. If she looks away, rolls up the window, grabs a baseball bat or dials a three digit number, you may have overdone the smile and wave. At that point start hoping your signal light turns green soon. (If she rolls up her window and then runs her red light, you DEFINITELY overdid the smile)
Sing to her
If you are a little more outgoing and like being funny, try the sing along. Roll down your window, turn up your stereo, and begin mouthing the words to her. Depending on how she reacts, you may want to switch the song until you get a song she likes. We recommend DHT's "listen to your heart", Grit's "be mine", or Derek Webb's "love is not against the law".
If you forgot what CD you had in and your stereo starts blasting the bridge to Disturbed's "down with the sickness", Kelly Clarkson's "because of you", or Nickleback's “animals”, you may want to roll up that window and start hoping for a green signal light again.
The stall
If you really want to leave an impression and don’t care about a few honks and mad drivers behind you, try the stall. Stare at her all the way through your green light. This most definitely gets a smile from the girl. (she's probably smiling at you because you look like an idiot but attention is attention right?) There is just one minor disadvantage to the stall. Inevitably, once your light turns green and red again, her light will turn green. Now the girl you are trying to impress is gone and you are left with a line of really angry drivers behind you while you wait for the entire cycle of lights to go again. If the cars behind you start to rear end you, get out of their cars with baseball bats, or looks like they are calling that three digit number again, we suggest you actually just take your chances and run the red light. Our statistics show a higher survival rating for making it through cross traffic than making it through a baseball bat beating.
Unfortunately there is really no way to actually successfully hook up with a signal light girl in the 15 seconds you have at your light, but don’t let us discourage you! You’ll have enough trouble with boyfriends you didn’t see in her passenger seat, cars that block the line of sight, and cops you didn’t see behind you.
Pedestrians
We actually suggest going for cute looking pedestrians. They are the easiest type of girl to hit on... literally. Wait until she's going across the road and then hit the gas ... gently. It's a hit or miss (another bad pun). If you get her unconscious then you can revive her and be her hero for life. If you can't revive her then no biggy. We suggest you don't' practice on more than one girl... as that will upgrade your status to serial killer.
Yes, we hope you enjoy our friendly tips on how to impress women. I'm sure you can see from this that we have a lot of wisdom in this area. If you need any personal tips on women please email us at reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. If you didn't' like our tips, remember, this post was one of the other three guys who post here.
One minute, you are sitting in the left turn lane at a red signal wondering why you had to miss the light, and the next, she comes along. The woman of your dreams drives up right beside you in a red corvette. She probably only looks like the woman of your dreams because you can only see the shoulders up, but she’s got you staring at her anyways. You look at her for two seconds in awe before it hits you: this lights only going to last a few more seconds and you’ll never see her again. Yes we know some of you out there have been in our shoes, and if you haven’t, you will someday. Not if, but when you find yourself in this position, do not panic. Try to remain calm. This is your time to separate yourself from the millions of other signal light stalkers out there.
RFCN has come up with a list of suggestions to use if you want to leave an impression.
Stare straight ahead
If you are very shy, too nervous, or scared to try anything risky, try the intellectual stare. Look over in the corner of your eye to see if she’s looking at you. If she is, begin staring at some random object like you are in deep thought. If you are feeling really bold, try staring at an object in her general area, but do not look directly at her. This is a pretty safe tactic so if anything goes wrong, it may just be the driver you cut off a couple miles back finally catching up with you.
Smile and wave
If you are slightly uneasy about being a signal stalker, but want to get the girl to acknowledge you anyways, try the smile and wave. Turn your head towards her and give a medium smile (try not to overdue it and definitely don’t drool). After she looks towards you with curiosity, begin to slowly raise your arm and give a slight wave. Do not give your best Princess Dianna wave or she might think you are some overly egotistic rock-star wannabe who thinks she wants your autograph. If she looks away, rolls up the window, grabs a baseball bat or dials a three digit number, you may have overdone the smile and wave. At that point start hoping your signal light turns green soon. (If she rolls up her window and then runs her red light, you DEFINITELY overdid the smile)
Sing to her
If you are a little more outgoing and like being funny, try the sing along. Roll down your window, turn up your stereo, and begin mouthing the words to her. Depending on how she reacts, you may want to switch the song until you get a song she likes. We recommend DHT's "listen to your heart", Grit's "be mine", or Derek Webb's "love is not against the law".
If you forgot what CD you had in and your stereo starts blasting the bridge to Disturbed's "down with the sickness", Kelly Clarkson's "because of you", or Nickleback's “animals”, you may want to roll up that window and start hoping for a green signal light again.
The stall
If you really want to leave an impression and don’t care about a few honks and mad drivers behind you, try the stall. Stare at her all the way through your green light. This most definitely gets a smile from the girl. (she's probably smiling at you because you look like an idiot but attention is attention right?) There is just one minor disadvantage to the stall. Inevitably, once your light turns green and red again, her light will turn green. Now the girl you are trying to impress is gone and you are left with a line of really angry drivers behind you while you wait for the entire cycle of lights to go again. If the cars behind you start to rear end you, get out of their cars with baseball bats, or looks like they are calling that three digit number again, we suggest you actually just take your chances and run the red light. Our statistics show a higher survival rating for making it through cross traffic than making it through a baseball bat beating.
Unfortunately there is really no way to actually successfully hook up with a signal light girl in the 15 seconds you have at your light, but don’t let us discourage you! You’ll have enough trouble with boyfriends you didn’t see in her passenger seat, cars that block the line of sight, and cops you didn’t see behind you.
Pedestrians
We actually suggest going for cute looking pedestrians. They are the easiest type of girl to hit on... literally. Wait until she's going across the road and then hit the gas ... gently. It's a hit or miss (another bad pun). If you get her unconscious then you can revive her and be her hero for life. If you can't revive her then no biggy. We suggest you don't' practice on more than one girl... as that will upgrade your status to serial killer.
Yes, we hope you enjoy our friendly tips on how to impress women. I'm sure you can see from this that we have a lot of wisdom in this area. If you need any personal tips on women please email us at reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. If you didn't' like our tips, remember, this post was one of the other three guys who post here.
7/10/07
Investment Guide to the New Debate Year
The debate year is just starting back up again. That means more research, more late nights, and more coffee. This is also the time of year to start looking at your stock portfolio and asking yourself "what the heck should I invest in this debate season?"
We at RFCN know that there is always the reliable Starbucks...even though it is at a low right now, that's just because debaters haven't started writing their 1ACs yet. As you can see from this detailed graph, http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=SBUX&t=2y, Starbuck's stocks have dipped after Nationals the past few years, but has consistently shot up around September when the majority of debaters start getting dirty. By dirty we mean covered-in-sweat-from-not-being-able-to-find-that-one-stinkin'-card-and-haven't-stopped-to-take-care-of-personal-hygiene-in-the-past-month-because-they-have-been-writing-breifs-against-cases-that-won't-be-run-ever-again-like-ANWR-dirty. Yes, we at RFCN agree that the best time to buy Starbucks stock is now.
Moving along to the next stock option: the Federal Government. Of course we at FCN never have had enough money to actually buy bonds because our parents only give us $0.25 a week in allowance, but we know that this is probably a good investment option because hey, it's impossible to loose money when giving it to the Federal Government because they spend it on good things for us like healthcare, prisons, and Americorps, right?
In tune with this year's ever changing resolution, we also recommend investing in drug smugglers. We of course haven't invested in smugglers, but our "associates" at FCN have a bit of knowhow in the general area and have highly recommended it for investment-due to the 600% cash return that you don't have to pay taxes on.
Gold is the final option we at RFCN believe is worthy of being invested-in. Gold has always pulled over the top of other metals. It has been on the top of the lists. The top of the stacks. The top of the bets. The top of people's heads, and the bottom of their ears. Gold is good. Gold is pretty. Girls like gold. Guys get greedy when they see gold. Judges change their minds on the ballot when you throw gold at them. Thieves like gold too...that means it's gotta be good to invest in.
This has been RFCN's first annual "Investment Guide to the New Debate Year". A quick recap of what to invest in: Oil, BBC, AXE, Krispy Kreme, and of course 100% Florida Orange Juice.
We at RFCN know that there is always the reliable Starbucks...even though it is at a low right now, that's just because debaters haven't started writing their 1ACs yet. As you can see from this detailed graph, http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=SBUX&t=2y, Starbuck's stocks have dipped after Nationals the past few years, but has consistently shot up around September when the majority of debaters start getting dirty. By dirty we mean covered-in-sweat-from-not-being-able-to-find-that-one-stinkin'-card-and-haven't-stopped-to-take-care-of-personal-hygiene-in-the-past-month-because-they-have-been-writing-breifs-against-cases-that-won't-be-run-ever-again-like-ANWR-dirty. Yes, we at RFCN agree that the best time to buy Starbucks stock is now.
Moving along to the next stock option: the Federal Government. Of course we at FCN never have had enough money to actually buy bonds because our parents only give us $0.25 a week in allowance, but we know that this is probably a good investment option because hey, it's impossible to loose money when giving it to the Federal Government because they spend it on good things for us like healthcare, prisons, and Americorps, right?
In tune with this year's ever changing resolution, we also recommend investing in drug smugglers. We of course haven't invested in smugglers, but our "associates" at FCN have a bit of knowhow in the general area and have highly recommended it for investment-due to the 600% cash return that you don't have to pay taxes on.
Gold is the final option we at RFCN believe is worthy of being invested-in. Gold has always pulled over the top of other metals. It has been on the top of the lists. The top of the stacks. The top of the bets. The top of people's heads, and the bottom of their ears. Gold is good. Gold is pretty. Girls like gold. Guys get greedy when they see gold. Judges change their minds on the ballot when you throw gold at them. Thieves like gold too...that means it's gotta be good to invest in.
This has been RFCN's first annual "Investment Guide to the New Debate Year". A quick recap of what to invest in: Oil, BBC, AXE, Krispy Kreme, and of course 100% Florida Orange Juice.
7/8/07
Insects
After man sinned and God cursed the earth, certain torturous parts of the environment were created by God to punish man. We at RFCN are convinced the first things God created after the fall of man were insects. Yes, these little creatures are by far the most irritating of all creatures on this little planet we call home. Why? You ask? It is because even if you kill them, you probably only shortened their life span by hours, if not seconds. And the fact that even if you do smash one, two, or say its your lucky day and you smashed 10 insects, you probably put the same amount of damage on the insect race as Former president Clinton’s affair did on his candidacy. They live off our food, our cr[ud], and even our blood. So many people get angry and continue to swat flies, caring little that they just spilled insect guts on their windows, tables and sometimes dinners.
Insects win only by sheer numbers, and their purpose is to take the logic out of man’s attempts to eliminate them. How many of us have said the following: “I’m going to kill every mosquito, one mosquito at a time”? Maybe it was just Matt Weakley… nm.
According to a recent poll, Americans combined kill .008% of mosquitoes, .0000004 of nats and -.02% of flies (its in the negative numbers because 1 out of every 20 flies killed is pregnant and killing them causes the larvae to hatch thus creating thousands of more flies) The attention devoted to insects is incredible. No doubt insects annoy more people then any other living creature. Every county has a department devoted to insect control. Just the other day I ran into a lady who was in charge of tracking the migratory patterns of an insect never spotted before on our continent by going to green houses in the Stanislaus County. Yeah, I want that job.
That said, ReallyFunnyClassNotes devotes the following post to all of the people that continue to defy odds, intelligence, and continue in complete ignorance. They think they are doing the universe a favor by smashing the fly 20 times harder than it would actually take to kill it.
We would just like to say, the best way to kill an insect… is not to kill the insect, unless done so by accident. Ignore them if at all possible; only then will you defeat insects.
But if you are like us at RFCN and actually enjoy smashing insectoids, here are a few friendly ways to kill them.
Flies
Flies are one of the more popular household insects. Smashing flies can be used for stress release, avoiding complete boredom, and entertaining your date if you are really bad at coming up with creative places to go, can’t kiss because you are home schooled, or are Cody Herche.
There are two main techniques for killing flies: catching and swatting
The first way you can eliminate a fly is by simply catching the fly with your hands. I should not say simply because really there is nothing simple about it at all, unless you have ninja like reaction skills, are really dang lucky, or have way too much time on your hands to practice. Believe it or not, there is actually technique and strategy involved. Yes we at RFCN know this because we qualify as the people with too much time.
The key is, wait until you see the fly bend its wings backwards.Our theory is the fly cannot multi task because it has the brain the size of, well, actually nothing is really as small as a fly's brain.
Place your hand on top of the fly, wait until it bends its wings, and then proceed to grab the fly. Upon grabbing be sure to do a simple check to see if the fly is in your hand. If the fly is in your hand, smash it with all of your might. Be sure to wash your hands before any meals.
The second way to kill a fly is swatting. This is a much better stress release as the above mentioned technique has actually been known to cause more stress buildup then it could possibly release. Unlike Catching, swatting has no technique at all. Simple find a fly and proceed to swing the swatter with all of your might.
Sometimes you really don’t to be aiming at a fly at all. Just smash whatever it is you hate. (If it’s a sibling, try to swing below the face)
Mosquitoes
Mosquitoes are kind of hard as, most of the time you spot them as they begin sucking blood from your body. If you do spot them, don’t swat them. Please try to remember they are already sucking your blood, and they are on your skin. Therefore you would just be swatting yourself, already getting a lump, and still somehow feeling satisfied for killing one mosquito.
One of the more macho ways to eliminate a mosquito sucking my blood is to flex the muscle. This causes the mosquito to overload, sometimes getting his noodle stuck. Talking to the little guy has been known to relieve some of the pain.
And my personal favorite, moderate the blood favor. This is of course inspired by the old tobasco sauce commercial. Try to avoid being sweet with sugar, and go for the rugged all American spicy stuff.
This actually does nothing to the mosquito but it sure does make you feel better about giving insects your blood.
We hope you enjoyed our post. And remember, we aren’t just funny… we’re really funny.
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Insects win only by sheer numbers, and their purpose is to take the logic out of man’s attempts to eliminate them. How many of us have said the following: “I’m going to kill every mosquito, one mosquito at a time”? Maybe it was just Matt Weakley… nm.
According to a recent poll, Americans combined kill .008% of mosquitoes, .0000004 of nats and -.02% of flies (its in the negative numbers because 1 out of every 20 flies killed is pregnant and killing them causes the larvae to hatch thus creating thousands of more flies) The attention devoted to insects is incredible. No doubt insects annoy more people then any other living creature. Every county has a department devoted to insect control. Just the other day I ran into a lady who was in charge of tracking the migratory patterns of an insect never spotted before on our continent by going to green houses in the Stanislaus County. Yeah, I want that job.
That said, ReallyFunnyClassNotes devotes the following post to all of the people that continue to defy odds, intelligence, and continue in complete ignorance. They think they are doing the universe a favor by smashing the fly 20 times harder than it would actually take to kill it.
We would just like to say, the best way to kill an insect… is not to kill the insect, unless done so by accident. Ignore them if at all possible; only then will you defeat insects.
But if you are like us at RFCN and actually enjoy smashing insectoids, here are a few friendly ways to kill them.
Flies
Flies are one of the more popular household insects. Smashing flies can be used for stress release, avoiding complete boredom, and entertaining your date if you are really bad at coming up with creative places to go, can’t kiss because you are home schooled, or are Cody Herche.
There are two main techniques for killing flies: catching and swatting
The first way you can eliminate a fly is by simply catching the fly with your hands. I should not say simply because really there is nothing simple about it at all, unless you have ninja like reaction skills, are really dang lucky, or have way too much time on your hands to practice. Believe it or not, there is actually technique and strategy involved. Yes we at RFCN know this because we qualify as the people with too much time.
The key is, wait until you see the fly bend its wings backwards.Our theory is the fly cannot multi task because it has the brain the size of, well, actually nothing is really as small as a fly's brain.Place your hand on top of the fly, wait until it bends its wings, and then proceed to grab the fly. Upon grabbing be sure to do a simple check to see if the fly is in your hand. If the fly is in your hand, smash it with all of your might. Be sure to wash your hands before any meals.
The second way to kill a fly is swatting. This is a much better stress release as the above mentioned technique has actually been known to cause more stress buildup then it could possibly release. Unlike Catching, swatting has no technique at all. Simple find a fly and proceed to swing the swatter with all of your might.
Sometimes you really don’t to be aiming at a fly at all. Just smash whatever it is you hate. (If it’s a sibling, try to swing below the face)
Mosquitoes
Mosquitoes are kind of hard as, most of the time you spot them as they begin sucking blood from your body. If you do spot them, don’t swat them. Please try to remember they are already sucking your blood, and they are on your skin. Therefore you would just be swatting yourself, already getting a lump, and still somehow feeling satisfied for killing one mosquito.
One of the more macho ways to eliminate a mosquito sucking my blood is to flex the muscle. This causes the mosquito to overload, sometimes getting his noodle stuck. Talking to the little guy has been known to relieve some of the pain.
And my personal favorite, moderate the blood favor. This is of course inspired by the old tobasco sauce commercial. Try to avoid being sweet with sugar, and go for the rugged all American spicy stuff.
This actually does nothing to the mosquito but it sure does make you feel better about giving insects your blood.
We hope you enjoyed our post. And remember, we aren’t just funny… we’re really funny.
If you liked this post, please comment.
If you like what we are doing here at RFCN please email us at reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. If you have any complaints please email us at funnyclassnotes@gmail.com
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