What's Your Fashion Statement?

Fashion is not just an attempt to keep clothes on your body in order to remain decent (although it may be for some guys), but it is also a way to express yourself. I will suck up my manly pride and admit that a search for a good fashion statement may warrant a little shopping... and I do mean, a little shopping. It may be necessary for a guy to spend 10 minutes once every few months to maybe take a look at what color the clothes are before just buying it. I'm not so sure girls run into the same problem. If you can shop in 10 minutes, I'm free Monday night, call me ;-)

What a girl wears says more about her then anything else a guy can figure out while glancing at her as she's walking by, or at a signal light. Sometimes, people want to make a bold statement, and sometimes they just don't realize what they look like. How do you tell someone when they are wearing something that just doesn't' work?

After many years, I have finally realized, guys can't. Girls only care what other girls think about their fashion. It started after Adam gave Eve a blank stare after she asked him if she looked better in fig leaves or olive leaves. From then on, girls just stopped caring about what guys say on fashion. Guy: "Hey, I don't' think you look good in yellow strips." Girl: "Well, Cindy said I look cute in it." Guy: "Yeah, but I just think you should leave that in the 70's where it belongs" Girl: "This is why I don't ask you. I think it'll look cute."

I'm just wondering two things.
1: Why would a girl ask if something looks good, if she really doesn't want to know?
2: Why do girls care more about what other girls think, when its the guys they are trying to attract?

Fashion #2 Designer Sunglasses

Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Cindy. Cindy was a very pretty girl, but she was incredibly self-conscious about her face. She thought she looked like this, but she really looked like this and she wanted to look like this. Cindy went to work to discover a formula to hide her face. She tried wearing one of these, or walking around like this. She even tried walking around like this because this wasn't working and this was just weird. Finally she discovered sunglasses. She thought to herself, if people already wear them, I can just make them bigger.

So she did.

Soon every self-conscious girl in the world, also known as every girl in the world, started a trend with the sunglasses.

Just as surely as girls never stop becoming self-conscious about some part of their body, the trend continues with a huge force behind it.

Thanks Cindy, thanks.

If this sad, sad story isn't' enough to convince you, here's three reasons not to wear designer sunglasses.

1. Your face is pretty, just wear it.

2. If guys can't see your face, what else are they going to look at?

3. If Saturn, Mars and that one star fell out of orbit in front of the sun, while earth was invaded with giant walking string beans, you wouldn't be able to see.

Fashion #1

Let the contest begin!
The people have spoken. https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=3366488940857051388&postID=2796665788266684275 They chant cries of fashion and dress. We shall appease the people. The next three days will be posts on fashion.

"Fashion is like ice cream. There is no wrong flavor, just some people have really bad taste." -Robert

Lesson 1: Eskimo boots

Why do people wear them? We shall dress... I mean, address the deep historical and social tension of this very question.

Top reasons

1. They are comfortable.

I would definitely have to say, this an interesting reason. Last time I wore something because it was "comfortable", I was incarcerated. But supposing this was a legimate reason, not legitimate like, honestly legitimate, but just legitimate enough to throw another cloned steak on the barbie, there would still be a question in my mind. Why would girls be willing to wear high heels then? Maybe beauty comes before comfort?

2. They look cool (literally)

Honestly, since when did we start stealing fashion tips from Eskimos?

These boots are made to look like they are ready for the snow, right? Like Cody was made for politics? Like Travis was made to get dumped and rejected by women? Like Daniel was made for... wait, what was Daniel made for? Well, its all wrong anyways (the boots being ready for the snow that is). If you were to wear them in the snow, it would be worse than bare feet; they would turn into ice cubes. So I ask you, why would you want to wear snow boots that really only work in the summer? And you would ask me, why does FCN contiue to make jokes about their 12 visitors? But that's off topic. Its so obvious! So your feet sweat and overheat ... while you look like an Eskimo (If you thought that was a compliment, just stop reading. Go read FCN or something). Maybe, if people read a little history before they picked their clothes, they would realize how the Eskimo's died off. No, it wasn't the government, or Hilary's test run of universal health care in Antarctica. It was Global warming. We aren't talking about spring Mr Cheney. We are talking about, you know, that theory you get a nobel prize just for teaching. Why would warm air kill an Eskimo? If you can't answer that, forget about understanding the deep intellectual jokes of FCN. Actually, if you don't understand half of their outside references, we're all in the same boat there.

Now I wonder, did the Eskimo's die off because they wore Eskimo boots in the heat? Or did they die off because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the heat? Obviously since the Eskimo died, and died while wearing the Eskimo boots, the Eskimo died because of wearing the boots. For those of you that do not like my reasoning, I added a footnote.

If they died off because they wore Eskimo boots, that would lead to the conclusion that they died because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots. However, if they died because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots, maybe they didn't wear the Eskimo boots when they died. Maybe, they just fell over and died. Because, anyone dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the heat is dumb enough to die without the Eskimo boots, right? But Eskimo's and Eskimo boots are not mutually exclusive. Can you have an Eskimo, that wears boots, that doesn't' wear Eskimo boots? Obviously not. When an Eskimo wears a boot, its an Eskimo boot, because its worn by an Eskimo. And since Eskimo's always wear boots, the Eskimo boots killed the Eskimo.

Or was it Al Gore that killed the Eskimos... But wait! It's all coming together... if you are dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the summer... then maybe you should be extinct too? And I don't mean extinct like those polar bears who are increasing in population. But isn't this all part of that other theory?

No, that's just cruel. I couldn't bare the thought of a world without females. No Jessica Alba. No Carrie Underwood. Not even a wild snorlax. Only Him. And Him. And wow... that guy's kinda cute. Opps, I meant this guy. And I'm not too sure whether this "guy" would be there. But anyways... That is not to say, I couldn't bare the thought of females without worthless snow wanna-be boots. But then again, its not looking like a world without females is what we should be worried about (no really, click the link).

So, for the love of all that is good and holy and beautiful, please don't wear Eskimo boots.

RFCN fashion advice tip #1 "Think to yourself, what would an Eskimo not wear? And then, wear it. Unless of course you thought of not wearing anything."

Woman has enlightening baptism experience

RFCN news, Sunday, May 11th. 10:27 p.m.
There have been a series of unfortunate events in Arkansas that apparently all started with a baptism. A 59 year old woman with heart conditions was reportly getting baptized by her pastor of 30 years. The elderly pastor apparently did not hear the screams and gasps for breath of the woman in between the father and the son, and drowned her shortly before the holy spirit. The pastor says this is the first time anything close to this has happened in his career, and apologized for the lack of attention during the baptism. This, however, has not stopped the family from pressing charges. "This should be an open and closed case", said the families attorney, "the whole congregation witnessed it and 359 people have agreed to testify." If convicted, the pastor may serve time in prison for manslaughter. The family and their attorney say they are investigating whether this was pre-meditated or intentional on the part of the pastor as the 59 year old woman was known for galling the pastor repeatedly after many of his free-will sermons. "He just ain't speaken the truth, free-will is a lie", said a woman that sat next to the 59 year old woman in the front row. We wondered what this had to do with the murder. Either way, this truly was a heavenly experience for the 59 year old woman.

The 8 stages of manhood

First stage: Dada? What you doing to your face?


Second stage: Dad? Can I shave too?


Third stage: I shave everyday. Sometimes I need to shave twice a day. In fact, I think I need to shave right now.


Fourth stage: I think I can get away with another day...



Fifth stage: Mom, I'm growing a beard.



Sixth stage: I shave at 6:13 a.m. every morning right before I go to work. This way I won't need to shave until I'm in bed at 8:56 p.m. and I can hold off until 6:13 the next day.



Seventh stage: I start everyday with a clean face and end the day with a beard. As long as I dont' see the same people twice in one day, no one ever knows.



Eigth state: My kid wants to shave, how do I tell him it's not worth it?

How to rip off ronald

Below are 11 ways that make "TINSTAAFL" seem as if it simply isn't true. Now, it should be understood that these are not things that we have tried ourselves or recommend for you to try, but merely ways that we would do it-- if we were to do it.


1. "I forgot my money"

3 step process:
order your food, forget your money, act sorry at the window. Works every time.

2. "1 large frite"

2 step process:

Order a large sprite, at the window ask "where's my large fry". Act very, very mad.

TIP: Make sure they serve sprite; bring money just in case.

3. "I have a buy one get one free coupon"

When ordering, tell them you have a buy one get one free coupon. 11 times in a row and counting, they forgot to ask for it. I have yet to do it on purpose, but I did start keeping track of how many times we both forgot.

TIP: you may think that this is a lame number 3 suggestion, but in reality... this is probably the only one that will actually work, and you don't end up in jail. Keep that in mind before you try anything stupid.


4. "You forgot my burger dude"

It's the oldest one in the book, "I was here earlier and you didn't give me my Big Mac". Be advised, that this one takes more work at In and Out. They will actually check their records to see if you ordered it. So, order a lot of stuff and say it fast. It's all in the wording, you didn't give me the burger I ordered... (not that I paid for it). At McDonalds... you're good to go, just be sure that they didn't actually forget your burger because chances are they did.

TIP: Where a suit or bring an adult. No more then 2 teens can be in the car for this one to work.

5. Smile at the girl

TIP: Axe, and good looks to begin with... and bring money just in case.

6. The 1 car sneak

Skip the ordering window, but hang out in-between windows until some orders behind you. Hope that they order something good. If you get caught, tell them it's been a long day and you thought you had ordered or that this was your first time in a drive though and you didn't know.

7. The Sprinter

Strap on the Nikes, you have 0.1-3 seconds while the bag is held outside of the window before it makes it into the car. Time it well. Watch out for the elbow and the left hand mirror. DO NOT STOP RUNNING. after the dude realizes that taco bell ain't paying for another crunch wrap... he will be coming. A getaway car will increase the likelihood of you ever getting a chance to eat that crunch wrap.

Run buddy, run.

TIP: To increase the emotional impact, listen to Chariots of Fire or Mission Impossible for 3 hours before you begin and during the endeavor too. It also decreases seconds thoughts.

8. The sprinter Advanced

Same as number 7, but you have a friend. He orders a bunch of stuff on the menu (enough for you and him), make sure he never actually touches the bag (that way they can't say it's his fault and besides I doubt they have a standard procedure for this type of thing). They'll remake the food. Even though this does require a little more planning, it's worth it. You don't have to worry about the angry dude chasing you, the elbow or the chance that you open it up and find a $.79 taco. And if done right, you'll have a 10 second window instead of 2 seconds.

TIP: this friend, better be someone you trust... he could really screw you.

9. Bring your old cup

At some places, they will even let you get away with is. I mean that as opposed to you getting away with it because you didn't get caught or you came at 3:30 in the morning and made your own door.

10. "This burger tastes like crap"

Eat half the burger, ask for the manager. Ask him why there is mayo on it...

TIP: Anger!! They had better think you're capable of a service complaint that makes it to people in high places.

11. Check the receipt

There should be a number on it to call for a service complaint, they'll send you a free meal coupon.


If you would like permission to use any of these, it will only cost you a free meal at carls. We've been low on funds ever since we tried to hire those assassins.

R-FCN

Ladies and Gentleman, children of all ages, and Travis,
it brings me great pleasure, highest honor, and a touchy feely feeling inside to announce to you:

The MERGE of RFCN and FCN!


Yes, we have agreed that the only thing better than RFCN, and FCN, is RFCN! (FCN + RFCN = RFCN... what? Do you know a better way? Should we be called FCNRFCN? Didn't think so...)
Yes, from now on, you will get twice the humor! Twice the the lame inside jokes! Twice the subtle!!!! Wait... is there a such thing as subtle!!!!!?

Yes, we finally broke down and let FCN in on our readers and our success. After all, part of our success is due to them! Where would we gotten the last 3 letters of our name? We would lose our "four letter word" status. That, we could not bare.

Without FCN... we would be nobodys... we would have uninfluenced humor that might have been funny. We could have had millions of readers instead of thousands... And nobody would realize we only post a few times a month and not everyday... thanks FCN, thanks.

So, welcome FCN welcome!


FCN will close down their site in 5 days and we'll have our 1st post on April 5th.

My holiday secret

One of the nice things about having so many authors on RFCN is that I can post without everyone knowing it was me. So, I'm going to post my holiday secret.

Every holiday, I get stuck with the same chore: sweeping the kitchen floor. I'm convinced no one actually looks at the floor when they come over for dinner. But we've all been there; if the parents say they notice it, they notice it. My parents notice if I failed to use the dustpan and tried the old "spread it across the floor" or "sweet it under a corner" trick. They even discovered my latest one: "put it under the mat in the living room". I still don't get how they figured out I've been dumping the sweepings under a mat three rooms away. As a kid, I felt a patriotic duty to outsmart my parents. I did.

And they wonder why I never take any of mom's soup.

To heck and back

So, Rich and I went off to Gustine (?) to umpire a high school baseball game. If you haven't heard of Gustine before, its pretty easy to locate on the map; its right next to nowhere and heck. It was a decently long ride up there, and a very interesting game (a story for another post) but we did get there. I wish I could say that much for our trip back. Maybe I should have had a clue by the fact that we got lost going TO the game, but regardless, the story goes a little something like this:

::45 minutes into a deep conversation::

Me: Rich!

Rich: Bob, just let me finish talking, I am almost done.


Me: Rich!!


Rich: Bob, I really want to say this!


Me: RICH! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON THIS ROAD??


Rich: Uh, I was going to say on it until it ended, was I supposed to turn?


Me: You should have turned 35 minutes ago!


We crossed under highway 5 before I discovered out position on the map.










How can someone stay on a road he's never seen, with no plan at all, for 35 minutes farther then he was supposed to, and somehow only add about 5 minutes to the trip?


"How did you beat us? -Kuzco Well by all means, it doesn't make sense on the map"- Kronk

Well deserved.

One day at work, I'm sitting at one of the tables, after my shift had ended, enjoying some quesodillas when girl that I work with comes over sits with me. So, we were just sitting there talking about work n' stuff for awhile and then she asks me if I want to hear a Really Funny story. So, I said sure. Keep in mind this is a true story about one of her friends, we'll call her Karen, because I forgot her real name.

Karen was house-sitting her friend's house for a couple weeks. Her friends had a dog that was really really old. In fact, the dog was so old they were expecting it to die soon. Well, guess what? While Karen was house-sitting the dog did die. (dog did die: how's that for an alliteration?) Karen was going to bury it in the back yard, but the area she was at wouldn't allow her to bury it there. And this is no small dog either, this is a rather large golden retriever. So, what is Karen to do? She can't bury it. So what does she do? She grabs the biggest suit case she can find, and stuffs the dog into the suit case. She figured she would take the subway back to her house and bury it in her backyard. So, she's down in the subway carting around this huge suit case with a dead animal inside. So, as she struggles to get to the escalator a nice looking man walks up to her and says "hey, that looks kind of heavy, did you need some help with that?" so Karen says "Sure! That would awesome!" As there making they're way to the subway the man asks "So, what do you have in here, anyway?" Karen paused for a second or two trying to think of something that would be more believable then telling the man it was a dead golden retriever. So, she tells him "It's some stereo equipment." "Oh" the man says, then punches Karen in the jaw and takes off with the suit case!

Karen felt a little relieved and sore, but more relieved. And I'm sure she couldn't help but laugh later that some dude on the subway just stole a dead golden retriever. I wonder what he thought when opened the suit case.

To Our New Padre

We interrupt this period of whining because something has come to our attention. This, to be more specific.

At this point you're probably expecting us to try to get back or to tell you how much this hurt our pride... but the fact is, we're not going to get back because it didn't hurt; it felt really, really good. You see, we've never had a father before. We were a fatherless blog. ::sniff::

We just want to know how much you really love us FCN. If this is a true relationship and not just some totally fake political alliance, post the below picture on your site within 1 week with no disclaimer or explanation what-so-ever.




We just have to know that you're not going to steal our kidney and run, Daddy.

Oh and btw, we are left with no choice but to say goodbye forever unless this goes down within the week.


Sincerely, your potential godchild RFCN

Don't try this at home... no really...

I thought it would be fun to post some of the common Hollywood misconceptions on real life that people find the hard way. It seems so real on the movies, but the following have been known to be untrue... trust us... we tried. (this is not a comprehensive list, just a list of some easy to believe myths)


Wine bottles don't break!
No matter how hard you try, you cannot break a glass bottle on someone's head. It may seem like a funny thing to do, but its more like smashing someone's head with a brick.

Karate-chopping someone's neck does not knock them out
This is where watching too much Get Smart can be dangerous. People do not go unconscious if you hit them behind the neck.

Punching someone once in the face does not knock them out
And this is where watching Mcgyvor can be dangerous. Usually fist fights go on until someone bleeds to death... or runs out of energy to punch.

Torturing someone doesn't always work
Unlike 24 would have you believe, terrorists dont' always tell the truth when they say something under pressure. Heck, if I was a terrorist being tortured, I'd send them on every wild-goose-chase I could think of.

Stabbing someone doesn't really kill them
Ok, you've all seen it... A bad guy walks up behind someone and stabs them in the back. The victim has a look of shock as he/she does instantly. Yeah, in real life, you have to stab them 20-30 times or hit a major artery. Even then, they die in a loud, slow, violent manor.

Sometimes, one gun-shot does not kill someone!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,315245,00.html yeah... just because you have expendable, low-paid bad guys does not mean they die at the thought of a bullet. Nice try hollywood.

It's the most repetitive time of the year

Yeah, it's official; whether you want it to be or not, the "holiday" season is here. What does that mean? It means that starting on thanksgiving day, TV starts circulating the same Christmas songs over and over. Not long after this, all of the stores begin to play the same Christmas songs. The radio starts playing the same songs and finally, parents start playing their 8 track rotations.

I can't take it anymore. I always think people are singing a Christmas carol when they talk. I sing "White Christmas" in my sleep. I tap "jingle bells" on every hard surface I pass. It's just a few days into the season and I'm already going nuts.


This post isn't supposed to be funny, I'm just using this website to make my global threat. If you are reading this, stop playing Christmas music or the cat dies.

Die Another Day

The day began the same as any other day. I woke up early afternoon, mainly because my little brother was delaying my breathing by sitting on my lungs and yelling "nuclear wedgie!! Nuclear wedgie!! The wedgie part didn't bother me too much because I sleep in the nude, (jk) but not breathing was a minor inconvenience. I quickly got up, threw him against the wall and began my day. During my morning shower (or mid-afternoon), I observed that my mom probably wasn't home because she usually she starts pounding on the door after about 25 minutes. As I got out, I grabed a towel and start drying my hair. I’m was in the process when I noticed that my brothers were interacting with each other just outside the door:

"Come here you idiot"
"Maybe I would if I didn't think you were going to kill...aaahhhhh!!! Mom! Help, Mom!"
"Mom's not here, you're all mine"
"Get off of me! Get your ugly hands off of me!"
"Don't make me do this!"
"I'm not making you do anything, you freaking idiot"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at my stupid brothers. But the joke was on me because as I was standing there laughing, a house fly took the liberty of exploring new places -- my mouth. Immediately thoughts of bacteria and disease spreading in my mouth started to enter my head. To quote my good friend Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982);

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane."

And so I did, I began to spit and blow out as quickly as humanly possible. I did this for about 2 minutes, then, I would pause and repeat the drill all over again. After about 5 minutes of this, I started to get the sense that the fly wasn't in my mouth anymore. As a matter of fact I knew he wasn't, because I hadn't felt him since the initial contact. As I was standing there pondering the thought of swallowing a fly. I heard what could only be the sound of a flying insect hitting a mirror.

Immediately thoughts of death turned to thoughts of revenge, as I very closely mimicked a Transformer evolving from a normal looking 18 wheeler into a robot of doom, death and destruction. But before I had even finished my transformation, I had caught the fly in my hand. It kind of surprised me. I had been counting on a better fight from a fly that was willing to go at a human mano y mano. But none-the-less I was now holding this little man in my hand wondering what to do with it. This was a problem because I didn't want to squish this thing in my hand. As a matter of fact most of my options included a very hands-on approach, except one; without thinking twice I threw him into the toilet and shut the lid.

I know you're probably thinking this wasn't such a good idea, but I gave him a fair amount of momentum. As I flushed it, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to make sure this little demon fly wasn't going to boycott the sewer. So I opened the lid. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!! I should have realized this was no ordinary fly; this little dude was the Jack Bauer of the fly kingdom. He had an embargo on death.

Just as a quick recap,

BEFORE: A minor pride issue. A fly had violated the privacy of my mouth and I wanted to get back.

AFTER: I basically had a flying toilet on my hands. I redefined going insane.

All I had was a towel, so I used it...with passion. I think at this point you can probably fairly well imagine the next 5 minutes, so I will skip the fancy adjectives and unique verb usage and move on. I had killed this little package of sewage madness. I had killed him; so many times he went from the Celestial Kingdom to the Terrestrial Kingdom to the Telestial Kingdom and back to the Celestial Kingdom again. He was dead.

It’s no ordinary day when Jack Bauer dies, but I guess I’m just higher up on the food chain.

An Airsofter's Journey: Part the Twoth

If you haven't read up on Trevor's airsoft journey, read part one.


As I drove toward the airsoft store, my mind turned naturally to more manly (read: violent) things. I first pondered the Revolutionary War, when our founding fathers waged a war for life, liberty, and that Will Smith movie. World War I, when the world was made safe for democracy . . . until about twenty years later, when we realized fate had played a trick on us and it was actually World War II that was to make the world safe for democracy. The first one was a dry run. Then finally the war we find ourselves currently in, once again to spread the amazing blessing of democracy, whether or not the receiving party is interested in having it. You can never have too much democracy. Even Ben Franklin agreed when he said that democracy is two lambs and a wolf deciding what to have for dinner. Or maybe it's the other way around . . . Regardless, it seems like Plato was right. "Only the dead have seen the end of war." Thank goodness the U.S. and I are alive and well! 'Cause I'm about to get my airsoft on!


As I walked through the door of the airsoft store, I stopped dead with wonder. Gleaming cases of hard black awesomeness confronted me. Powerful handguns sat behind shiny glass, while slender, assassination-looking snipers hung from the walls behind, communicating a very clear message . . . "It's go time." However, I drew myself finally away from these firesticks of doom in order to check out the main attraction; the assault rifles. The M15A4! The SAR M41! The G36E, C, and K! The 1AC 8MIN and the C.Q.B. version, 1AR 5MIN! Amazing! The store owner sauntered over. "'Sup bro." He said. "What can I do for ya?" He made me feel so inadequate. He seemed so knowledgeable, so in-control . . . that and he was wearing one of those shirts that say "You're ugly and that's sad." I checked my visage in the glass case, just to make sure the shirt wasn't telling the truth, and proceeded to inform him that he could, indeed, be of assistance.

"I'm looking for a killer gun," I said, "One that'll really blow the competition away."
He said I'd come to the right place.
"You've come to the right place."
"Thanks," I said, "I heard you the first time."
Ouch. Not the right foot to start off on. He put on his jacket. It said "Hating you makes me warm inside." I found myself hoping he wouldn't turn his hat around. I had a feeling I didn't want to know what was written on the front of it. Undeterred, I forged ahead. "I'm looking for an assault rifle. Maybe one of those, M type ones? M14, 15, 16 . . . or maybe an advanced version of the G36, like a G37?" No! The hat was being turned around! "Hey you made me throw up a little" it said. Blast! But I hadn't come here to look smart. I'd come to get me a man-toy. "Which one would you recommend?" I asked. Bingo. Right question. I'd placed him back on his own ground. Interpersonal relations was not his forte. Toy guns that look real was. "Well I personally would go with the Tokyo Marui SIG 552. That's what I normally use." That sounded really cool. "How much do those go for?" I asked. "Like 40, 50 bucks?" "Hahaha! Try four or five times that buddy!" "Hahaha!" I laughed along with him, "Hahahaha! Hahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.

Then I realized he was serious.

"That's a little pricey . . . " I said. "What could I get for say . . . $40?"
"Well," He replied, "You could get out of my store."
"Hahaha!" I laughed. "Hahahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.

Then I realized he was serious about that too.

"Alright alright . . . I guess I'll spring for a G36. But do you think you could give me a break in the price? Maybe . . . maybe $250?" The way his eyes rolled back into his head was my signal that the answer was "No." I wondered, were all airsoft personnel this socially depraved? It seemed that they had no soul . . . it brought to mind Kirby Gowen in cross examination. You beg in your mind for him to stop, but he just keeps going. And going. And going. He's like the Energizer Bunny with a flow pad. And no soul. This strengthened me. If I couldn't beat Kirby in a debate round, I would beat him metaphorically by purchasing this outrageously expensive gun! I would not bow to the merciless Capitalists on the other end of the deal, taunting me with a product that they knew I had to have, but making it exorbitantly pricey! I would buy that gun!

And so I did. With a gleam in my eye I pulled out my $40 dollars . . . and my debit card. I bought that sucker. I bought a battery, and bb's, and eye protection, and a charger. And it felt good.

Then, as I was walking out to my car, I realized the joke was on me. The metaphorical Kirby had beaten me again. I had fallen for the cross examination of the Capitalists. They dared me to give the wrong answer, and I had. They'd made me give them exactly what they were getting at.

Darn that Free Market!

Darn those airsofters!

Darn that metaphorical Kirby!

Having a bad day?

If you are having a bad day...

1: remember worse things have happened to other people

2: read our positive thought for the day

Mistakes we haven't made

Well, so far you know that the authors of RFCN are truthful, good looking, and out to provide a alternative to FCN. But one thing you may not have known is that we are humble. So humble in fact, we'd like to talk about our mistakes... mistakes we haven't made that is. Since we never make mistakes, we thought we should make a list of mistakes we almost made. So without further udada:


Never use the sting relief packet for non-bee stings

The sting relief packet in standard first aid kits is not for sting that comes from open wounds... it's for bee stings. It will actually be the source of stinging beyond your imagination if you use it for non-bee related stinging.

Never volunteer without knowing what it is for

This is true for almost anything, especially in war, debate class and chemistry (science) class/experiments.

Never ask a girl how her day "really" was

You know in a conversation when you say: Hi? How are you? And everyone always says: Great/Fine/Good/OK/etc ? Unless you have a free hour, don't ask for the truth about how they feel or how they are doing.

Never test how far you can push some guy who is bigger

Yes, we've all done it. Just push the big soft guy around. I have a smashed head (that I never got because I don't make mistakes) that says... maybe that's a bad idea.

Never embarrass a teacher in front of her/his class

Oh yeah, bad idea. Unless you plan on acing her class with 100% and a newly founded bias against you, don't say something out of your league. Teachers always have a way of getting the upper hand. (Of course, we'd encourage challenging teachers in their doctrine, just overkill/embarrassment always comes back to bite)

Never challenge or diss someone about something you haven't seen them do

No matter how great you are, Murphy's law says you'll trash talk to the one ping-pong pro or arm-wrestling champion in the State. Wrestling's a killer. Never size someone up by how they look in wrestling, the littlest guy will end up being a wrestling technique teacher.

Never challenge someone in a sport or competition you've never played

Once again, this is a great way to get beat by a 6 year old girl. Unless you have a great idea what you are doing, save your words before you eat them. Not that I've been beat by a 6 year old or anything. (wink wink)

Never fall for the crud about asking the girl's best friend how the girl feels about you

This was invented so that the girl could have an automatic alert anytime anyone was interested in her enough to want to know what she thought of them. Think about it, they are best friends. Do you really think her best friend won't tell her? Never ever ask the best friend without paying her off.



And finally, never start a blog off by saying you'll be better than one of the best blogs you've read. Even if you do well, all you get is bias against your site.

The Airsofter's Journey: Part the Oneth

Let me begin by saying that I am not very much of a war-supporter. In fact I am basically anti-war. As such I frequent such sites as this one. This sometimes garners reproach from my friends.

"What?" They say in reprimand. "You're anti-war? You must be against stopping the terrorists! You must be against the second amendment!", they continue, "You must be a Democrat!". Well shoot, if being anti-war is left, I don't want to be right! No in fact, being anti-war does not mean shunning self-defense and supporting universal healthcare, it simply means that you are a sane person. I would be in fact much disturbed were I to encounter a person who was in fact pro-war. I would recoil in horror!

"What!" I would say in reproachful tones. "You're pro-war? You must be for preemptive strikes! you must be for interventionism! You must be... well now, you must be a Republican!" To which we would both doubtless stomp off in our respective directions, our opinions of each other greatly diminished as a result of this small ideological exchange.

And so having cleared up this little misunderstanding, I now move to the result of my anti-war sentiments: Airsoft. Airsoft is a fast-growing sport in the States that involves firing small bb's at other people. A popular definition of airsoft is as follows:

" Airsoft; A sport in which underdeveloped, socially deficient teenagers who are too chicken to join the real military live out their fantasies by firing little white things that couldn't hurt a small bird at each other, thinking (somehow) that this makes them tough and cool."

But you say to yourself "This is inconsistent! How can you be anti-war, yet play war games? a contradiction!" Nay fair reader... consider the following syllogism;

A) The Editor is Anti-war.
B) War involves killing people.
C) Therefore, Airsoft is cool.

If you have difficulty grasping this, I humbly submit that the problem is yours, not mine. And so having been introduced to this sport by my friends, and being a socially deficient teenager myself, I was drawn to it. "Yes!" I thought to myself. "Now I can look like I'm tough without having to be tough... kind of like that one band they're always playing!" This was in fact one of several reasons I was first drawn to the activity... the other reasons being:

-During Airsoft a mask is worn the whole time. This minimizes the amount of time you have to actually converse with other people, trying to think of witty dialogue then regressing into an awkward silence, and maximizes the amount of time you can shoot at them.

-If I was mad at someone, I could just invite them to play Airsoft with me! Then once we were out on the field, I could pull some "accidental" friendly fire moves! "Woops!" I would say. "My bad!"

And so armed with my syllogism, my underdeveloped biceps, my three awesome reasons for Airsofting, and about $40 ("Surely this will be enough." I thought), I headed to my nearest Airsoft retailer...

EDITOR'S NOTE: This post does not conform to RFCN's Truthfulness standards. This post contains certain amounts of truth combined with what Stephen Colbert has coined "Truthiness".

Does anybody hear me?

Do you ever feel alone?


Do you ever feel like nobody likes you?




Do you ever feel constantly made fun of?



Do you wish you could just laugh in every one's face?




If the questions mentioned above seem to describe you, then RFCN relates to you. Yes, we at RFCN know exactly what you are going through. Please join RFCN's support group. Just email reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com with the subject line "help me". We meet regularly on Tuesday nights for a time of sharing and discussing how to get back at all the mean RFCN haters and comments... President Bush if you are out there, we are here for you too. Unfortunately this is not open invitation. If your name is Chris, you are not invited... even if you aren't Chris Y. The name Chris is simply too painful to hear for many of the RFCN authors... maybe not for Trevera because he never reads our site.

Smile and smoothness

If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.

Have you ever been around a girl and the opportunity came up to compliment her on her looks, but you just didn’t know if she’d like it? Or maybe you were at a ball room dance and you and hottie over there were the only ones left, but you just didn’t know if you could pull it off? Or perhaps you were greeting a friend you knew pretty well and she looked like she was waiting for you to give her a hug. If you have ever found yourself in a situation like this and you thought it felt awkward how timing and random chance gave you a shot with a girl, then you have had an opportune moment. But if you have been in a situation where it would be awkward and almost wrong for you NOT to hold the girls hand, hug her, or say something kind, then you’ve had a REALLY OBVIOUS Opportune Moment.


Listen carefully ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and Travis… girls know if you miss an opportune moment. So, if what we are saying seems to apply to you, then we have just the thing for you. RFCN is starting a new series on advice called REALLY Obvious Opportune Moments (ROOM).

Lesson One:
Photographs

The situation:

You are standing or sitting with a girl. You’d like to put your arm around her for any reason and suddenly… someone wants a picture of you two.

This is a ROO moment!

I know you all are thinking that you already know when to do it etc…
Let’s take a look at some moments missed.








As you can see, sometimes avoiding opportune moments end up making awkward moments for both sexes. It's also dead obvious as you both sit or stand rubbing arms trying to smile for the camera. ... Buuuut that's not the worst that can happen. No doubt doing a hug incorrectly can make the moment even more awkward.





Chris in the this picture is what we like to call, overly opportune Momentous. That's bad. Sorry Chris, a little too much effort in that last one.

Comeon peeps... this is how it's done...