Steroids.

Barry bonds (AKA the steroid man, AKA big league cheater, AKA the guy who is close to making a new record for most home runs) has been accused of taking steroids to cheat while making a new record for most home runs.

This is no surprise to us at RFCN, Robert had a similar experience during his extremely brief wrestling carrier. Except…Robert was taking weight loss drugs in combination with steroids, which turned out to be 93.46% counterproductive. The number 93.46% basically means that Robert lost small amounts of his already small muscle mass and was ejected from the JKUWC - Junior Kiddie Ultimate Wrestling Championships. Robert then took a turn for the better and started home school debate, where there is no penalty for counterproductive muscle mass loss.

A very comparable thing happened to Michael Jackson. Mike was kicked out of the US for hanging babies over the balconies of hotels. Actually he wasn’t kicked out, he left. And it wasn’t for hanging babies over balconies of hotels. His press agent never told us why he actually left during our interview yesterday:

RFCN: “So Mr. press agent, did Mr. Jackson leave the country because he decided he hates president Bush?”

Press Agent: “I can assure you that Mr. Jackson didn’t leave the country because of the highly publicized court case between he and the molested children.”

RFCN: …alright…so did he leave the country because he disagrees with the Iraq War?”

PA: “Absolutely Mr. Jackson didn’t feel pressured by the news corporations to leave due to the multiple scandals that occurred at his Neverland Ranch.”

RFCN: “Well why did Mr. Jackson leave the US?”

::PA’s cell phone rings to the tune of Smooth Criminal::

PA: “Excuse me for just a moment”…talks on phone…”The United States has just declared war on Dubai because spy satellites have apparently spotted WMDs, I need to catch a plane back to Mr. Jackson’s palace immediately!”

RFCN: “Well it was nice talking to you. We are looking forward to seeing you here again so we can actually get some answers from you.”


In conclusion, we at RFCN agree that Bonds is definitely on track to break the home run record whether or not he leaves the country.