So, this is kinda funny. Right now, at this very moment, my brother JR is outside in the rain in his shorts and a tee shirt without shoes or a jacket. Why? Well that is a very good question.
You see, it all started when JR tried to take over my desk, so he could play games on Richard's computer. He has become very persistent these days as he thinks he is big enough to take on his brothers. This story herein, negates his former philosophy. After a few different attempts, he took over the computer when I was busy. So, I came in and forcefully removed him from the desk. He did not make it very easy, but in the end, it was him who suffered. The story does not end there. He came back in the room a few minutes later and stated the following...
Robert if you ever touch me again I will punch you so hard in the face you will cry forever.
I just laughed.
He continued on, DON'T TRY IT! And then he swung mom's broom and broke the tip off on my back. He still doesn't know it didn't' hurt, but the fear of my retaliation was enough to cause him to run outside in the rain where I locked the door after him. He's been out there for about 20 minutes now (soaked) and every few minutes I just shoot my air soft gun in the air outside and he runs away.
Should I let him in?
Nah, this is still being nicer than if I shot him with my airsoft gun right?
12/18/07
12/10/07
If you are brushing your teeth, don't read this
Speaking of weird personal information...
I got a new tooth brush. I've been using the new tooth brush for two months. One month ago I realized there is another tooth brush the same color in our bathroom. Sometimes I'd notice it would go unused. However, at times my tooth brush would be wet before I used it. I'm freaked out.
I wish I could say that's all... but the same thing has been happening to my deodorant.
Thanks for reading and as always remember,
12/6/07
Don't try this at home... no really...
I thought it would be fun to post some of the common Hollywood misconceptions on real life that people find the hard way. It seems so real on the movies, but the following have been known to be untrue... trust us... we tried. (this is not a comprehensive list, just a list of some easy to believe myths)
Wine bottles don't break!
No matter how hard you try, you cannot break a glass bottle on someone's head. It may seem like a funny thing to do, but its more like smashing someone's head with a brick.
Karate-chopping someone's neck does not knock them out
This is where watching too much Get Smart can be dangerous. People do not go unconscious if you hit them behind the neck.
Punching someone once in the face does not knock them out
And this is where watching Mcgyvor can be dangerous. Usually fist fights go on until someone bleeds to death... or runs out of energy to punch.
Torturing someone doesn't always work
Unlike 24 would have you believe, terrorists dont' always tell the truth when they say something under pressure. Heck, if I was a terrorist being tortured, I'd send them on every wild-goose-chase I could think of.
Stabbing someone doesn't really kill them
Ok, you've all seen it... A bad guy walks up behind someone and stabs them in the back. The victim has a look of shock as he/she does instantly. Yeah, in real life, you have to stab them 20-30 times or hit a major artery. Even then, they die in a loud, slow, violent manor.
Sometimes, one gun-shot does not kill someone!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,315245,00.html yeah... just because you have expendable, low-paid bad guys does not mean they die at the thought of a bullet. Nice try hollywood.
Wine bottles don't break!
No matter how hard you try, you cannot break a glass bottle on someone's head. It may seem like a funny thing to do, but its more like smashing someone's head with a brick.
Karate-chopping someone's neck does not knock them out
This is where watching too much Get Smart can be dangerous. People do not go unconscious if you hit them behind the neck.
Punching someone once in the face does not knock them out
And this is where watching Mcgyvor can be dangerous. Usually fist fights go on until someone bleeds to death... or runs out of energy to punch.
Torturing someone doesn't always work
Unlike 24 would have you believe, terrorists dont' always tell the truth when they say something under pressure. Heck, if I was a terrorist being tortured, I'd send them on every wild-goose-chase I could think of.
Stabbing someone doesn't really kill them
Ok, you've all seen it... A bad guy walks up behind someone and stabs them in the back. The victim has a look of shock as he/she does instantly. Yeah, in real life, you have to stab them 20-30 times or hit a major artery. Even then, they die in a loud, slow, violent manor.
Sometimes, one gun-shot does not kill someone!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,315245,00.html yeah... just because you have expendable, low-paid bad guys does not mean they die at the thought of a bullet. Nice try hollywood.
12/4/07
That's gotta be a first time
So, the past few days I've had a severe cold. This meant that I had so much mucus coming out my nose that I had a hard time breathing. But just in case that wasn't enough "TMI", I wanted to share with all of you what happened to me this morning. In the process of trying to pick my nose, I became disoriented... basically my depth perception was off... even though no one can see the inside of their nose anyways. So, I cut the inside of my nose with my nail, which resulted in severe bleeding. I thought this was post worthy... I hope you are all freaked out.
If that didnt' freak you out.... I heard a christmas song 10 more times today...
Thanks for reading RFCN and as always remember
If that didnt' freak you out.... I heard a christmas song 10 more times today...
Thanks for reading RFCN and as always remember
11/29/07
It's the most repetitive time of the year
Yeah, it's official; whether you want it to be or not, the "holiday" season is here. What does that mean? It means that starting on thanksgiving day, TV starts circulating the same Christmas songs over and over. Not long after this, all of the stores begin to play the same Christmas songs. The radio starts playing the same songs and finally, parents start playing their 8 track rotations.
I can't take it anymore. I always think people are singing a Christmas carol when they talk. I sing "White Christmas" in my sleep. I tap "jingle bells" on every hard surface I pass. It's just a few days into the season and I'm already going nuts.
This post isn't supposed to be funny, I'm just using this website to make my global threat. If you are reading this, stop playing Christmas music or the cat dies.
11/25/07
Die Another Day
The day began the same as any other day. I woke up early afternoon, mainly because my little brother was delaying my breathing by sitting on my lungs and yelling "nuclear wedgie!! Nuclear wedgie!! The wedgie part didn't bother me too much because I sleep in the nude, (jk) but not breathing was a minor inconvenience. I quickly got up, threw him against the wall and began my day. During my morning shower (or mid-afternoon), I observed that my mom probably wasn't home because she usually she starts pounding on the door after about 25 minutes. As I got out, I grabed a towel and start drying my hair. I’m was in the process when I noticed that my brothers were interacting with each other just outside the door:
"Come here you idiot"
"Maybe I would if I didn't think you were going to kill...aaahhhhh!!! Mom! Help, Mom!"
"Mom's not here, you're all mine"
"Get off of me! Get your ugly hands off of me!"
"Don't make me do this!"
"I'm not making you do anything, you freaking idiot"
I couldn't help but laugh out loud at my stupid brothers. But the joke was on me because as I was standing there laughing, a house fly took the liberty of exploring new places -- my mouth. Immediately thoughts of bacteria and disease spreading in my mouth started to enter my head. To quote my good friend Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982);
And so I did, I began to spit and blow out as quickly as humanly possible. I did this for about 2 minutes, then, I would pause and repeat the drill all over again. After about 5 minutes of this, I started to get the sense that the fly wasn't in my mouth anymore. As a matter of fact I knew he wasn't, because I hadn't felt him since the initial contact. As I was standing there pondering the thought of swallowing a fly. I heard what could only be the sound of a flying insect hitting a mirror.
Immediately thoughts of death turned to thoughts of revenge, as I very closely mimicked a Transformer evolving from a normal looking 18 wheeler into a robot of doom, death and destruction. But before I had even finished my transformation, I had caught the fly in my hand. It kind of surprised me. I had been counting on a better fight from a fly that was willing to go at a human mano y mano. But none-the-less I was now holding this little man in my hand wondering what to do with it. This was a problem because I didn't want to squish this thing in my hand. As a matter of fact most of my options included a very hands-on approach, except one; without thinking twice I threw him into the toilet and shut the lid.
I know you're probably thinking this wasn't such a good idea, but I gave him a fair amount of momentum. As I flushed it, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to make sure this little demon fly wasn't going to boycott the sewer. So I opened the lid. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!! I should have realized this was no ordinary fly; this little dude was the Jack Bauer of the fly kingdom. He had an embargo on death.
Just as a quick recap,
BEFORE: A minor pride issue. A fly had violated the privacy of my mouth and I wanted to get back.
AFTER: I basically had a flying toilet on my hands. I redefined going insane.
All I had was a towel, so I used it...with passion. I think at this point you can probably fairly well imagine the next 5 minutes, so I will skip the fancy adjectives and unique verb usage and move on. I had killed this little package of sewage madness. I had killed him; so many times he went from the Celestial Kingdom to the Terrestrial Kingdom to the Telestial Kingdom and back to the Celestial Kingdom again. He was dead.
It’s no ordinary day when Jack Bauer dies, but I guess I’m just higher up on the food chain.
"Come here you idiot"
"Maybe I would if I didn't think you were going to kill...aaahhhhh!!! Mom! Help, Mom!"
"Mom's not here, you're all mine"
"Get off of me! Get your ugly hands off of me!"
"Don't make me do this!"
"I'm not making you do anything, you freaking idiot"
I couldn't help but laugh out loud at my stupid brothers. But the joke was on me because as I was standing there laughing, a house fly took the liberty of exploring new places -- my mouth. Immediately thoughts of bacteria and disease spreading in my mouth started to enter my head. To quote my good friend Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982);
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane."
And so I did, I began to spit and blow out as quickly as humanly possible. I did this for about 2 minutes, then, I would pause and repeat the drill all over again. After about 5 minutes of this, I started to get the sense that the fly wasn't in my mouth anymore. As a matter of fact I knew he wasn't, because I hadn't felt him since the initial contact. As I was standing there pondering the thought of swallowing a fly. I heard what could only be the sound of a flying insect hitting a mirror.
Immediately thoughts of death turned to thoughts of revenge, as I very closely mimicked a Transformer evolving from a normal looking 18 wheeler into a robot of doom, death and destruction. But before I had even finished my transformation, I had caught the fly in my hand. It kind of surprised me. I had been counting on a better fight from a fly that was willing to go at a human mano y mano. But none-the-less I was now holding this little man in my hand wondering what to do with it. This was a problem because I didn't want to squish this thing in my hand. As a matter of fact most of my options included a very hands-on approach, except one; without thinking twice I threw him into the toilet and shut the lid.
I know you're probably thinking this wasn't such a good idea, but I gave him a fair amount of momentum. As I flushed it, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to make sure this little demon fly wasn't going to boycott the sewer. So I opened the lid. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!! I should have realized this was no ordinary fly; this little dude was the Jack Bauer of the fly kingdom. He had an embargo on death.
Just as a quick recap,
BEFORE: A minor pride issue. A fly had violated the privacy of my mouth and I wanted to get back.
AFTER: I basically had a flying toilet on my hands. I redefined going insane.
All I had was a towel, so I used it...with passion. I think at this point you can probably fairly well imagine the next 5 minutes, so I will skip the fancy adjectives and unique verb usage and move on. I had killed this little package of sewage madness. I had killed him; so many times he went from the Celestial Kingdom to the Terrestrial Kingdom to the Telestial Kingdom and back to the Celestial Kingdom again. He was dead.
It’s no ordinary day when Jack Bauer dies, but I guess I’m just higher up on the food chain.
11/22/07
Happy Turkey Day
Yeah, what they said. http://funnyclassnotes.blogspot.com/2007/11/happy-thanksgiving.html
11/19/07
An Airsofter's Journey: Part the Twoth
If you haven't read up on Trevor's airsoft journey, read part one.
As I drove toward the airsoft store, my mind turned naturally to more manly (read: violent) things. I first pondered the Revolutionary War, when our founding fathers waged a war for life, liberty, and that Will Smith movie. World War I, when the world was made safe for democracy . . . until about twenty years later, when we realized fate had played a trick on us and it was actually World War II that was to make the world safe for democracy. The first one was a dry run. Then finally the war we find ourselves currently in, once again to spread the amazing blessing of democracy, whether or not the receiving party is interested in having it. You can never have too much democracy. Even Ben Franklin agreed when he said that democracy is two lambs and a wolf deciding what to have for dinner. Or maybe it's the other way around . . . Regardless, it seems like Plato was right. "Only the dead have seen the end of war." Thank goodness the U.S. and I are alive and well! 'Cause I'm about to get my airsoft on!
As I walked through the door of the airsoft store, I stopped dead with wonder. Gleaming cases of hard black awesomeness confronted me. Powerful handguns sat behind shiny glass, while slender, assassination-looking snipers hung from the walls behind, communicating a very clear message . . . "It's go time." However, I drew myself finally away from these firesticks of doom in order to check out the main attraction; the assault rifles. The M15A4! The SAR M41! The G36E, C, and K! The 1AC 8MIN and the C.Q.B. version, 1AR 5MIN! Amazing! The store owner sauntered over. "'Sup bro." He said. "What can I do for ya?" He made me feel so inadequate. He seemed so knowledgeable, so in-control . . . that and he was wearing one of those shirts that say "You're ugly and that's sad." I checked my visage in the glass case, just to make sure the shirt wasn't telling the truth, and proceeded to inform him that he could, indeed, be of assistance.
"I'm looking for a killer gun," I said, "One that'll really blow the competition away."
He said I'd come to the right place.
"You've come to the right place."
"Thanks," I said, "I heard you the first time."
Ouch. Not the right foot to start off on. He put on his jacket. It said "Hating you makes me warm inside." I found myself hoping he wouldn't turn his hat around. I had a feeling I didn't want to know what was written on the front of it. Undeterred, I forged ahead. "I'm looking for an assault rifle. Maybe one of those, M type ones? M14, 15, 16 . . . or maybe an advanced version of the G36, like a G37?" No! The hat was being turned around! "Hey you made me throw up a little" it said. Blast! But I hadn't come here to look smart. I'd come to get me a man-toy. "Which one would you recommend?" I asked. Bingo. Right question. I'd placed him back on his own ground. Interpersonal relations was not his forte. Toy guns that look real was. "Well I personally would go with the Tokyo Marui SIG 552. That's what I normally use." That sounded really cool. "How much do those go for?" I asked. "Like 40, 50 bucks?" "Hahaha! Try four or five times that buddy!" "Hahaha!" I laughed along with him, "Hahahaha! Hahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.
Then I realized he was serious.
"That's a little pricey . . . " I said. "What could I get for say . . . $40?"
"Well," He replied, "You could get out of my store."
"Hahaha!" I laughed. "Hahahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.
Then I realized he was serious about that too.
"Alright alright . . . I guess I'll spring for a G36. But do you think you could give me a break in the price? Maybe . . . maybe $250?" The way his eyes rolled back into his head was my signal that the answer was "No." I wondered, were all airsoft personnel this socially depraved? It seemed that they had no soul . . . it brought to mind Kirby Gowen in cross examination. You beg in your mind for him to stop, but he just keeps going. And going. And going. He's like the Energizer Bunny with a flow pad. And no soul. This strengthened me. If I couldn't beat Kirby in a debate round, I would beat him metaphorically by purchasing this outrageously expensive gun! I would not bow to the merciless Capitalists on the other end of the deal, taunting me with a product that they knew I had to have, but making it exorbitantly pricey! I would buy that gun!
And so I did. With a gleam in my eye I pulled out my $40 dollars . . . and my debit card. I bought that sucker. I bought a battery, and bb's, and eye protection, and a charger. And it felt good.
Then, as I was walking out to my car, I realized the joke was on me. The metaphorical Kirby had beaten me again. I had fallen for the cross examination of the Capitalists. They dared me to give the wrong answer, and I had. They'd made me give them exactly what they were getting at.
Darn that Free Market!
Darn those airsofters!
Darn that metaphorical Kirby!
As I drove toward the airsoft store, my mind turned naturally to more manly (read: violent) things. I first pondered the Revolutionary War, when our founding fathers waged a war for life, liberty, and that Will Smith movie. World War I, when the world was made safe for democracy . . . until about twenty years later, when we realized fate had played a trick on us and it was actually World War II that was to make the world safe for democracy. The first one was a dry run. Then finally the war we find ourselves currently in, once again to spread the amazing blessing of democracy, whether or not the receiving party is interested in having it. You can never have too much democracy. Even Ben Franklin agreed when he said that democracy is two lambs and a wolf deciding what to have for dinner. Or maybe it's the other way around . . . Regardless, it seems like Plato was right. "Only the dead have seen the end of war." Thank goodness the U.S. and I are alive and well! 'Cause I'm about to get my airsoft on!
As I walked through the door of the airsoft store, I stopped dead with wonder. Gleaming cases of hard black awesomeness confronted me. Powerful handguns sat behind shiny glass, while slender, assassination-looking snipers hung from the walls behind, communicating a very clear message . . . "It's go time." However, I drew myself finally away from these firesticks of doom in order to check out the main attraction; the assault rifles. The M15A4! The SAR M41! The G36E, C, and K! The 1AC 8MIN and the C.Q.B. version, 1AR 5MIN! Amazing! The store owner sauntered over. "'Sup bro." He said. "What can I do for ya?" He made me feel so inadequate. He seemed so knowledgeable, so in-control . . . that and he was wearing one of those shirts that say "You're ugly and that's sad." I checked my visage in the glass case, just to make sure the shirt wasn't telling the truth, and proceeded to inform him that he could, indeed, be of assistance.
"I'm looking for a killer gun," I said, "One that'll really blow the competition away."
He said I'd come to the right place.
"You've come to the right place."
"Thanks," I said, "I heard you the first time."
Ouch. Not the right foot to start off on. He put on his jacket. It said "Hating you makes me warm inside." I found myself hoping he wouldn't turn his hat around. I had a feeling I didn't want to know what was written on the front of it. Undeterred, I forged ahead. "I'm looking for an assault rifle. Maybe one of those, M type ones? M14, 15, 16 . . . or maybe an advanced version of the G36, like a G37?" No! The hat was being turned around! "Hey you made me throw up a little" it said. Blast! But I hadn't come here to look smart. I'd come to get me a man-toy. "Which one would you recommend?" I asked. Bingo. Right question. I'd placed him back on his own ground. Interpersonal relations was not his forte. Toy guns that look real was. "Well I personally would go with the Tokyo Marui SIG 552. That's what I normally use." That sounded really cool. "How much do those go for?" I asked. "Like 40, 50 bucks?" "Hahaha! Try four or five times that buddy!" "Hahaha!" I laughed along with him, "Hahahaha! Hahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.
Then I realized he was serious.
"That's a little pricey . . . " I said. "What could I get for say . . . $40?"
"Well," He replied, "You could get out of my store."
"Hahaha!" I laughed. "Hahahaha!" We both had a good laugh about that.
Then I realized he was serious about that too.
"Alright alright . . . I guess I'll spring for a G36. But do you think you could give me a break in the price? Maybe . . . maybe $250?" The way his eyes rolled back into his head was my signal that the answer was "No." I wondered, were all airsoft personnel this socially depraved? It seemed that they had no soul . . . it brought to mind Kirby Gowen in cross examination. You beg in your mind for him to stop, but he just keeps going. And going. And going. He's like the Energizer Bunny with a flow pad. And no soul. This strengthened me. If I couldn't beat Kirby in a debate round, I would beat him metaphorically by purchasing this outrageously expensive gun! I would not bow to the merciless Capitalists on the other end of the deal, taunting me with a product that they knew I had to have, but making it exorbitantly pricey! I would buy that gun!
And so I did. With a gleam in my eye I pulled out my $40 dollars . . . and my debit card. I bought that sucker. I bought a battery, and bb's, and eye protection, and a charger. And it felt good.
Then, as I was walking out to my car, I realized the joke was on me. The metaphorical Kirby had beaten me again. I had fallen for the cross examination of the Capitalists. They dared me to give the wrong answer, and I had. They'd made me give them exactly what they were getting at.
Darn that Free Market!
Darn those airsofters!
Darn that metaphorical Kirby!
Laugh at our readers day
I hereby declare today to be "Laugh At Your Readers day". Everyone always gets to laugh at us, so today we return the favor.
"What does this mean?" you may ask?
It means I'm going to do what I always wanted to do. Yes, I'm going to make you read this entire paragraph and laugh at you for doing it! What is in this paragraph? Nothing! Nothing at all! I'm just going to keep writing things because I know that you are retarded and will read this! You know you are going to keep reading this. Is it because you think that something at the end of this paragraph might actually worth reading? Dream on! I'm just keeping you reading this paragraph sucker! Loser! Ha Ha Ha I laugh in your face!
Ok, I'm done
Thanks for reading RFCN and as always remember:
"What does this mean?" you may ask?
It means I'm going to do what I always wanted to do. Yes, I'm going to make you read this entire paragraph and laugh at you for doing it! What is in this paragraph? Nothing! Nothing at all! I'm just going to keep writing things because I know that you are retarded and will read this! You know you are going to keep reading this. Is it because you think that something at the end of this paragraph might actually worth reading? Dream on! I'm just keeping you reading this paragraph sucker! Loser! Ha Ha Ha I laugh in your face!
Ok, I'm done
Thanks for reading RFCN and as always remember:
11/15/07
Having a bad day?
11/12/07
Things I hate about RFCN
1. That we are supposed to have 4 authors (plus Katie the speeelchekr) and I'm the only one that ever posts.
2. That everyone hates my posts until Trevor posts. After that everyone thinks my posts are his and they totally love me again.
3. Chris.
4. That on every single post there is always someone who dies laughing and someone who hates us forever and quits reading RFCN.
5. Chris.
6. That everyone now feels the need to give their criticism as if we are still a rookie site. We've had 85 posts people!
7. Everyone saying we have horribble speeling errors and spel chec finding no erors everytime.
8. Chris.
9. No matter what, our name means we are stuck being associated with FCN forever.
10. Who came up with the stupid name "funny class notes" anyways? It's lame.
11. Chris
12. The fact that every other post is a post about posting and every other other post is a post about the comments on our posts.
13. The fact that every post has to have some sort of punchline or everyone says we are "going down", "seen our better days" etc.
14. Chris.
15. Trevor never read our site, did one post, and then left again and I haven't heard from him since. (except there is a draft titled "Airsofters journy part 2". At least he knows you can't do a three part series and only post one part.)
16. Katie rocks and has funny stuff but everyone hates the idea of a girl on our site...
17. The Ridiculous comments we get a lot... which is why we now moderate comments.
18. Is this like politics?
19. Chris.
2. That everyone hates my posts until Trevor posts. After that everyone thinks my posts are his and they totally love me again.
3. Chris.
4. That on every single post there is always someone who dies laughing and someone who hates us forever and quits reading RFCN.
5. Chris.
6. That everyone now feels the need to give their criticism as if we are still a rookie site. We've had 85 posts people!
7. Everyone saying we have horribble speeling errors and spel chec finding no erors everytime.
8. Chris.
9. No matter what, our name means we are stuck being associated with FCN forever.
10. Who came up with the stupid name "funny class notes" anyways? It's lame.
11. Chris
12. The fact that every other post is a post about posting and every other other post is a post about the comments on our posts.
13. The fact that every post has to have some sort of punchline or everyone says we are "going down", "seen our better days" etc.
14. Chris.
15. Trevor never read our site, did one post, and then left again and I haven't heard from him since. (except there is a draft titled "Airsofters journy part 2". At least he knows you can't do a three part series and only post one part.)
16. Katie rocks and has funny stuff but everyone hates the idea of a girl on our site...
17. The Ridiculous comments we get a lot... which is why we now moderate comments.
18. Is this like politics?
19. Chris.
11/7/07
Video Game Dialogues
So, my two nutball gamer geek brothers decided to play a game using two way radios the other day. I recorded the whole conversation for your viewing. I'm not related to these people in anyway.
J: Uh, R-4, where do you suggest we select target from? What maps would you possibly like to clear?
R: Game 215 ms Karkan repeat Karkan. Special ops no noobs or cheaters. Repeat No noobs.
J: That's a roger. I am engaging map now.
R: Alright, I'm in. Do you copy? I'm in.
J: Roger that, t-minus 3 with a 5 min ETA, I got a slow loader.
R: Copy on the slow loader, take up defensive position, this could be a diappointing game, possible ambush with cheaters and point stealers.
J: Roger, will take up defensive positions. No sign of cheaters. Game title declared this to be a cheater safe zone but you never know.
R: Roger that, target has been declared to be a vital asset, possible ponage if we make it though, major points racking.
J: R-4 R-4 I'm in! repeat... I'm in! No sign of cheaters, game starts in t-minus 3 minutes, need 4 more players.
R: Got it, I'm almost in.
J: Im off, repeat I'm off. Dad kicked me off. This is bull, I'm coming to you.
J: Uh, R-4, where do you suggest we select target from? What maps would you possibly like to clear?
R: Game 215 ms Karkan repeat Karkan. Special ops no noobs or cheaters. Repeat No noobs.
J: That's a roger. I am engaging map now.
R: Alright, I'm in. Do you copy? I'm in.
J: Roger that, t-minus 3 with a 5 min ETA, I got a slow loader.
R: Copy on the slow loader, take up defensive position, this could be a diappointing game, possible ambush with cheaters and point stealers.
J: Roger, will take up defensive positions. No sign of cheaters. Game title declared this to be a cheater safe zone but you never know.
R: Roger that, target has been declared to be a vital asset, possible ponage if we make it though, major points racking.
J: R-4 R-4 I'm in! repeat... I'm in! No sign of cheaters, game starts in t-minus 3 minutes, need 4 more players.
R: Got it, I'm almost in.
J: Im off, repeat I'm off. Dad kicked me off. This is bull, I'm coming to you.
11/6/07
Top ten lame ways to get a date
You know what they say, no better way to start off a relationship than to start it off lame. Here's a couple creative ideas for asking a girl out. I'm sure they all could work... or something.
1.Follow the girl out to her car… or just find her in her car sometime... then... strategically place yourself near a road she will be driving by. It is preferable that this be a parking lot or a slower road. As soon as she starts to get close, run out looking the other way and get hit by the car. Maybe try bouncing off the car... don't get run over.
2.If she is in your class, convince her you think you are going to fail and that she is obviously the smartest person in the class. People can never see past their ego. You had better get an A in the class however after she helps you.
3. Find out which is her car. After you are sure which car it is, put a fake “I hit you” on it. Leave the note with your number and don’t say where you hit her car. Say sorry a lot though… after she calls you can explain it was such a small scratch that you can’t see it.
4. Steal her purse and then give it back to her like you found it. Don’t look inside. Never look inside. If she starts to recognize you, run.
5. Have a buddy pretend to attempt to mug a girl. Literally as soon as he says “give me your…”, jump on him and beat him up. Maybe just jump on him when he is near the girl, then you can convince the girl she didn’t see him and convince her that you saved her money and life. You definitely want to make sure another hero wannabe doesn’t see this and really beat your friend up… unless you didn’t like this friend, then it might be kind of funny…
6. Have a prepared picture of her that she doesn’t know about and photo shop you into the picture. Run up to her and tell her she looks just like your sister. Show her the picture.
7. Say you are an RFCN author, because you know the girls will be all over you. Also you can add that you are Robert, or that you know Robert, and then they'll be totally out of it, crazy in love with you.
8. Give her the answers to the test instead of her helping you. But say you'll only do it if she's goes on a date with you. If you picked a desperate student, you'll force her to go out with you. She's bound to have high moral standards if she's cheating also.
9. Try a good old fashion pick up line. "Hey baby, I noticed that you noticed me. So I just wanna put a notice out, that I noticed you
10. Get the girl drunk and then ask her out... cheap. She probably can't even see what color your hair is. This may not be that funny, but we'd all agree, it's just lame.
1.Follow the girl out to her car… or just find her in her car sometime... then... strategically place yourself near a road she will be driving by. It is preferable that this be a parking lot or a slower road. As soon as she starts to get close, run out looking the other way and get hit by the car. Maybe try bouncing off the car... don't get run over.
2.If she is in your class, convince her you think you are going to fail and that she is obviously the smartest person in the class. People can never see past their ego. You had better get an A in the class however after she helps you.
3. Find out which is her car. After you are sure which car it is, put a fake “I hit you” on it. Leave the note with your number and don’t say where you hit her car. Say sorry a lot though… after she calls you can explain it was such a small scratch that you can’t see it.
4. Steal her purse and then give it back to her like you found it. Don’t look inside. Never look inside. If she starts to recognize you, run.
5. Have a buddy pretend to attempt to mug a girl. Literally as soon as he says “give me your…”, jump on him and beat him up. Maybe just jump on him when he is near the girl, then you can convince the girl she didn’t see him and convince her that you saved her money and life. You definitely want to make sure another hero wannabe doesn’t see this and really beat your friend up… unless you didn’t like this friend, then it might be kind of funny…
6. Have a prepared picture of her that she doesn’t know about and photo shop you into the picture. Run up to her and tell her she looks just like your sister. Show her the picture.
7. Say you are an RFCN author, because you know the girls will be all over you. Also you can add that you are Robert, or that you know Robert, and then they'll be totally out of it, crazy in love with you.
8. Give her the answers to the test instead of her helping you. But say you'll only do it if she's goes on a date with you. If you picked a desperate student, you'll force her to go out with you. She's bound to have high moral standards if she's cheating also.
9. Try a good old fashion pick up line. "Hey baby, I noticed that you noticed me. So I just wanna put a notice out, that I noticed you
10. Get the girl drunk and then ask her out... cheap. She probably can't even see what color your hair is. This may not be that funny, but we'd all agree, it's just lame.
10/31/07
A list of things I'd do if Hillary became President
1. Take down my vote for Hillary yard sign and bumper sticker (apparently people didn't get the sarcasm and actually voted for her)
2. Start a rally called Americans for First Ladies not First men
3. Quit my job and go on welfare (I'll make more money than my current job)
4. Sell my stock in Kaiser
5. Heck, sell all of my stocks
6. Start petition signups to impeach Hillary immediately. Why? No clue. Maybe we could put something in it about the 25 amendment.
7. Forget RFCN and start LAH blog (Laugh at Hillary)
8. Move to Cuba, where at least I know I can see a doctor
9. Get a license plate cover that says "Hillary... proof not every woman is attractive or desirable"
10. Prepare for the tribulation... the Antichrist?
Sheesh, my hands shake just thinking about it. Where's Ron Paul? Come give me a hug little buddy...
2. Start a rally called Americans for First Ladies not First men
3. Quit my job and go on welfare (I'll make more money than my current job)
4. Sell my stock in Kaiser
5. Heck, sell all of my stocks
6. Start petition signups to impeach Hillary immediately. Why? No clue. Maybe we could put something in it about the 25 amendment.
7. Forget RFCN and start LAH blog (Laugh at Hillary)
8. Move to Cuba, where at least I know I can see a doctor
9. Get a license plate cover that says "Hillary... proof not every woman is attractive or desirable"
10. Prepare for the tribulation... the Antichrist?
Sheesh, my hands shake just thinking about it. Where's Ron Paul? Come give me a hug little buddy...
10/26/07
Funny Stories: The Birthday Brat
Ok, so to answer a question most people have, yes, life is different being a twin. And for one thing, being a twin means you share the same birthday. Here's one birthday story.
So a while ago, Rich and I had a birthday which we hadn't really planned for in terms of buying each other presents. That tends to happen a lot when you are a twin and only anticipate your own birthday. So this particular birthday, I improvised and gave Richard 10 dollars in cash. He admitted the birthday and snuck up on him as well. He took the 10 dollars, reached into his wallet and gave me 5 dollars back and said "happy birthday".
So a while ago, Rich and I had a birthday which we hadn't really planned for in terms of buying each other presents. That tends to happen a lot when you are a twin and only anticipate your own birthday. So this particular birthday, I improvised and gave Richard 10 dollars in cash. He admitted the birthday and snuck up on him as well. He took the 10 dollars, reached into his wallet and gave me 5 dollars back and said "happy birthday".
10/25/07
Scientific words
Hailmary-csmackia
The feeling you get when you have thrown a football with all your might and discover it is right on course to smack a new car square in the hood.
speednspreadia
The feeling you get in a debate round when you just discovered you wasted 6 minutes on 2 out of the 10 points you had to cover in your speech.
uhohbia
The feeling you get when you just strapped into a 60 mph plus rollarcoaster and you see rusty bolts holding you into your seat.
nooooooophobia
The feeling you get right before you smash your thumb with a hammer.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia
The fear of the number 666.
numagetio
The feeling you get when you realize you just had an entire conversation with someone, calling them by the wrong name the whole time.
google-phobia
The feeling you get when you realize you sent a very incriminating email and accidentally selected "reply all".
feudin-namio
The feeling you get when you start on a long car ride with someone you haven't driven with before and you realize they have no idea how to drive.
gayus-travus phobia
The feeling you get when you realize you are sitting next to Travis and he likes to act gay.
The feeling you get when you have thrown a football with all your might and discover it is right on course to smack a new car square in the hood.
speednspreadia
The feeling you get in a debate round when you just discovered you wasted 6 minutes on 2 out of the 10 points you had to cover in your speech.
uhohbia
The feeling you get when you just strapped into a 60 mph plus rollarcoaster and you see rusty bolts holding you into your seat.
nooooooophobia
The feeling you get right before you smash your thumb with a hammer.
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia
The fear of the number 666.
numagetio
The feeling you get when you realize you just had an entire conversation with someone, calling them by the wrong name the whole time.
google-phobia
The feeling you get when you realize you sent a very incriminating email and accidentally selected "reply all".
feudin-namio
The feeling you get when you start on a long car ride with someone you haven't driven with before and you realize they have no idea how to drive.
gayus-travus phobia
The feeling you get when you realize you are sitting next to Travis and he likes to act gay.
flatt-caro phobia
The feeling you get when you have to make a sudden stop on the freeway because your exit is backed up and the semi behind you has no chance of stopping in time.
atomophobia
fear of nuclear explosions
The feeling you get when you have to make a sudden stop on the freeway because your exit is backed up and the semi behind you has no chance of stopping in time.
atomophobia
fear of nuclear explosions
The feeling you get when Hillary Clinton walks by you.
thanatofobia
The feeling you get when you accidentally set the couch on fire.
ownofobia
The fear of getting owned.
ownofobia
The fear of getting owned.
Darkest Secret Contest
RFCN is having a "darkest secret contest". So if you think you have some first class dirt on yourself or anybody else, send it to reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. Just send your name, the name of the person you are telling us about, and why they wouldn't want anyone to know about it.
Requirements
1 must be someone we know or might know
2 must be so bad you wouldn't even tell your mom
Extreme extra points for dirt given about FCN authors.
The winner will get his/her dirt posted on RFCN provided it meets some basic requirements.
Requirements
1 must be someone we know or might know
2 must be so bad you wouldn't even tell your mom
Extreme extra points for dirt given about FCN authors.
The winner will get his/her dirt posted on RFCN provided it meets some basic requirements.
10/24/07
Yes Chris, Figure Skating is a Sport
There is an erroneous idea going around that Figure Skating is not a sport. Frankly, I am astonished that anyone could start such fabrications, and I am further amazed that people believe them. It’s one thing to believe that baseball is not a sport (that I can understand) – but this is ridiculous.
Clearly, Figure Skating has been misrepresented. You would think that recent movies like “Blades of Glory” and “Ice Princess” would have given some dignity to skating and inspired more respect. Go figure. (Hahaha, get it? Go figure? You know… *ahem*)
As a life-long figure skater myself, I feel that I am not only qualified, but I am compelled to speak out against this injustice toward my fellow skaters. I take it upon myself to stand up for the talented women and… women… who skate. To tell the truth in a world of lies; to start protests in our nation’s capitol – and to boldly skate where no figure skater has skated before: the hockey arena.
Since the vast majority of Americans believe that hockey is a sport, I decided to visit our ugly-step-brother in an attempt to learn why they get to be on TV in bars and we don’t. And so, after receiving a large number of bruises and verbal insults, I was able to identify three distinctive characteristics that make hockey a sport.
- Hockey involves running into people
- Hockey involves fighting
- Hockey involves wearing numbers
Even a minimal amount of hockey viewing will tell you that these are the most important parts of the sport. (There is that other part about knocking an inanimate object back and forth with sticks, but according to the hockey players I interviewed, that wasn’t nearly as big a deal as the other criteria – especially number two.) Having identified these as the most important parts of hockey, I will now proceed to demonstrate how figure skating, like hockey, is also a sport.
Running into people
No contest. Figure skaters are always running into other skaters (sometimes it's even on purpose). The following photo demonstrates the style in which we take other skaters out:
Chuck Norris would be proud.
Fights
Ever heard of Tonya Harding? Or how about Jamie Sale & David Pelletier (who fought with the Russian pair team over the gold medal)?
Although just naming those examples should be way more than enough, I’d like to point out that the fight over the gold medal at the 2002 Olympics was started because of (in the words of the International Herald Tribune) “misconduct by a French judge.” [See:http://www.iht.com/articles/2002/02/16/oclarey_ed3_.php]
Tell me that’s not better than any hockey fight.
(And those, by the way, were all fights at competitions. Fights back at the home rink can get pretty nasty too -- like just last week when this one girl told Patrick that his new costume made him look fat...)Wearing numbers
We wear numbers all the time! Ever seen those t-shirts that say, “I *heart*
10/22/07
Mistakes we haven't made
Well, so far you know that the authors of RFCN are truthful, good looking, and out to provide a alternative to FCN. But one thing you may not have known is that we are humble. So humble in fact, we'd like to talk about our mistakes... mistakes we haven't made that is. Since we never make mistakes, we thought we should make a list of mistakes we almost made. So without further udada:
Never use the sting relief packet for non-bee stings
The sting relief packet in standard first aid kits is not for sting that comes from open wounds... it's for bee stings. It will actually be the source of stinging beyond your imagination if you use it for non-bee related stinging.
Never volunteer without knowing what it is for
This is true for almost anything, especially in war, debate class and chemistry (science) class/experiments.
Never ask a girl how her day "really" was
You know in a conversation when you say: Hi? How are you? And everyone always says: Great/Fine/Good/OK/etc ? Unless you have a free hour, don't ask for the truth about how they feel or how they are doing.
Never test how far you can push some guy who is bigger
Yes, we've all done it. Just push the big soft guy around. I have a smashed head (that I never got because I don't make mistakes) that says... maybe that's a bad idea.
Never embarrass a teacher in front of her/his class
Oh yeah, bad idea. Unless you plan on acing her class with 100% and a newly founded bias against you, don't say something out of your league. Teachers always have a way of getting the upper hand. (Of course, we'd encourage challenging teachers in their doctrine, just overkill/embarrassment always comes back to bite)
Never challenge or diss someone about something you haven't seen them do
No matter how great you are, Murphy's law says you'll trash talk to the one ping-pong pro or arm-wrestling champion in the State. Wrestling's a killer. Never size someone up by how they look in wrestling, the littlest guy will end up being a wrestling technique teacher.
Never challenge someone in a sport or competition you've never played
Once again, this is a great way to get beat by a 6 year old girl. Unless you have a great idea what you are doing, save your words before you eat them. Not that I've been beat by a 6 year old or anything. (wink wink)
Never fall for the crud about asking the girl's best friend how the girl feels about you
This was invented so that the girl could have an automatic alert anytime anyone was interested in her enough to want to know what she thought of them. Think about it, they are best friends. Do you really think her best friend won't tell her? Never ever ask the best friend without paying her off.
And finally, never start a blog off by saying you'll be better than one of the best blogs you've read. Even if you do well, all you get is bias against your site.
Never use the sting relief packet for non-bee stings
The sting relief packet in standard first aid kits is not for sting that comes from open wounds... it's for bee stings. It will actually be the source of stinging beyond your imagination if you use it for non-bee related stinging.
Never volunteer without knowing what it is for
This is true for almost anything, especially in war, debate class and chemistry (science) class/experiments.
Never ask a girl how her day "really" was
You know in a conversation when you say: Hi? How are you? And everyone always says: Great/Fine/Good/OK/etc ? Unless you have a free hour, don't ask for the truth about how they feel or how they are doing.
Never test how far you can push some guy who is bigger
Yes, we've all done it. Just push the big soft guy around. I have a smashed head (that I never got because I don't make mistakes) that says... maybe that's a bad idea.
Never embarrass a teacher in front of her/his class
Oh yeah, bad idea. Unless you plan on acing her class with 100% and a newly founded bias against you, don't say something out of your league. Teachers always have a way of getting the upper hand. (Of course, we'd encourage challenging teachers in their doctrine, just overkill/embarrassment always comes back to bite)
Never challenge or diss someone about something you haven't seen them do
No matter how great you are, Murphy's law says you'll trash talk to the one ping-pong pro or arm-wrestling champion in the State. Wrestling's a killer. Never size someone up by how they look in wrestling, the littlest guy will end up being a wrestling technique teacher.
Never challenge someone in a sport or competition you've never played
Once again, this is a great way to get beat by a 6 year old girl. Unless you have a great idea what you are doing, save your words before you eat them. Not that I've been beat by a 6 year old or anything. (wink wink)
Never fall for the crud about asking the girl's best friend how the girl feels about you
This was invented so that the girl could have an automatic alert anytime anyone was interested in her enough to want to know what she thought of them. Think about it, they are best friends. Do you really think her best friend won't tell her? Never ever ask the best friend without paying her off.
And finally, never start a blog off by saying you'll be better than one of the best blogs you've read. Even if you do well, all you get is bias against your site.
10/18/07
Pinochle of blog success
In a recent comment, I was appalled to see that someone claimed we had not reached the penuckle of blog success. You see, if FCN reached the pinecal of blog success by the creation of RFCN in their post, than we definitely reached the peenicle by the creation of this little runoff wannabe bible site http://reallyfunnyclassnotes.blogpsot.com/ (that is not our site) . You see, RFCN was created to spite FCN and has been nothing but trouble and dissing for FCN; it's more the pinnacle of a thorn in your side. If anything, we just tried to reveal how easy their path to success was, and how Travis will never find love. The bible site, however, was actually created to steal some of our massive amounts of traffic. I can’t believe they would think our readers are dumb enough to mix up “spot” and psot”. One of the authors of FCN was dumb enough, but our readers are different; they have RFCN on their favorites menu.
…
You do have RFCN on your favorites menu don’t you? Or have you run into this site before?
…
Wait, maybe it’s a bad time to find out how much our readers hate us during our penical of success post. (Not that our readers don’t already tell us how much they hate our posts.)
Wait, maybe that's the pinnucle of blog success! When we have nothing but hate mail in our comments! People don't bother reaching into the sewers to pull a bum up and tell him he's a bum, they go for the successful, famous people. Just look at the magazines on the stands, nothing but popular people are talked about. We reached success through jealously! Although, I don't remember being in people magazine recently.
...
Well, that doesn't really explain Chris. But then again, nothing really explains Chris. His humor preferences are rather inconsistent.
Maybe that was the peinical of blog success? The day Chris said he liked one of our posts?
Chris doesn't like our posts anymore... forget that one...
Ok, maybe our success comes from the lack of encouragement in our comments. The people we are trying to have fun with and get to read our site, already do! They read it and feel no need to comment... they just laugh about the horrible comments 10 year olds are leaving on our site.
Do you think we are trying too hard to be successful?
Nah, admitting that wouldn't be any fun... we are RFCN after all.
…
You do have RFCN on your favorites menu don’t you? Or have you run into this site before?
…
Wait, maybe it’s a bad time to find out how much our readers hate us during our penical of success post. (Not that our readers don’t already tell us how much they hate our posts.)
Wait, maybe that's the pinnucle of blog success! When we have nothing but hate mail in our comments! People don't bother reaching into the sewers to pull a bum up and tell him he's a bum, they go for the successful, famous people. Just look at the magazines on the stands, nothing but popular people are talked about. We reached success through jealously! Although, I don't remember being in people magazine recently.
...
Well, that doesn't really explain Chris. But then again, nothing really explains Chris. His humor preferences are rather inconsistent.
Maybe that was the peinical of blog success? The day Chris said he liked one of our posts?
Chris doesn't like our posts anymore... forget that one...
Ok, maybe our success comes from the lack of encouragement in our comments. The people we are trying to have fun with and get to read our site, already do! They read it and feel no need to comment... they just laugh about the horrible comments 10 year olds are leaving on our site.
Do you think we are trying too hard to be successful?
Nah, admitting that wouldn't be any fun... we are RFCN after all.
A Girl? Funny? Ha!
Last week I joined the LAW. Being a part of the LAW is tough. It requires more than just physical stamina. It requires mental strength. And I don’t mean I-can-survive-being-cross-examined-by-Cody strength, what I mean is an invisible force. A power in your mind so strong that you are able to look deep inside and admit that you really DO want to listen to the “High School Musical” soundtrack over and over again. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the kind of strength you need when you join the LAW: Lame Anonymous Women.
I wish I could say that the “lame” stood for “crippled or physically disabled.” Heck, I’d even be okay with “a person who is out of touch with modern fads or trends” [Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved October 11, 2007, from Dictionary.com] But alas, when I say lame, I mean hopelessly, pathetically, downright not funny.
Women are generally held to be unfunny – probably because women generally ARE unfunny. Yes, there are some who break out of the mold and climb to heights the rest of us only dream about… but I mean, when was the last time you saw a good female comedian? And when was the last time you watched a comedy that starred Angelina Jolie? (Forgive me if I bring up a painful memory, I’m just trying to make a point). Seriously though, think of the last really funny movie you watched that starred a woman. If it’s not “Legally Blonde” I will be impressed. Speaking of, why do we laugh at “Legally Blonde”? Mainly, because it makes fun of… well, blondes. That cute lawyer really doesn’t have anything clever to say. Instead, she says everything that is contrary to intelligence in general – and it’s that mass of unintelligence that makes us incredibly sophisticated debaters laugh.
Unfortunately, I find myself in Reese Witherspoon’s shoes: the object of laughter, but not humorous by any means.
It’s a hard fact to live with, and I was in denial for a long time. Until one day it hit me: a 68-mph-slap-shot hockey puck. It hit my head so hard that it literally knocked me off my skates (admittedly an easy thing to do). When I came to, I could hear the sound of laughter. Laughter that I had become so accustomed to attributing to my (as I thought of it) amazingly witty humor. My life flashed before my eyes. I could see all my little school friends laughing at the kid wearing a white turtle-neck and jean jumper – me. All of my debate rounds where I actually thought that the free market was a real thing. All of those gtalk conversations when Chris typed in those fatal, but truthful words: that’s lame.
That’s when I decided to join LAW. They told me I had to admit I have a problem before I can fix it (extensive amounts of research have been done on the Government to prove this). So I summed up the courage to stand up and say, “Hi, I’m here because I’m… not funny.” And everyone clapped for me. Except one girl, who said, “Life isn’t about being funny you know. There are plenty of amazing people who aren’t funny. Like lawyers.”
She’s no longer with us.
10/16/07
I.. I... I just don't know!
Well... every time I go to post, I just can't do it. I can't bare to risk it. To be honest, people like our posts right now and I don't want to mess that up. For the first time in the history of our site, Chris has been nice to us, Mommy G completely stopped commenting (probably because she does not read out site anymore, but that's ok.) and even Adrialian has said some positive things about us.
It just... it just broke our hearts. I don't know what to do anymore. It sorta took away all of our motivation. Our whole site was built from fire. It's like asking someone who has only known war to live in a peaceful society. I feel like a guy having tea and knitting with 50 women. I feel like a wild Indian sitting inside a huge theater watching Beethovens 9th. I feel like Travis looking for love.
Well... either that or I didnt' have time.
It just... it just broke our hearts. I don't know what to do anymore. It sorta took away all of our motivation. Our whole site was built from fire. It's like asking someone who has only known war to live in a peaceful society. I feel like a guy having tea and knitting with 50 women. I feel like a wild Indian sitting inside a huge theater watching Beethovens 9th. I feel like Travis looking for love.
Well... either that or I didnt' have time.
10/11/07
If you're flying through the air with nothing to save you, smile
So I had a dream last night.
I was flying through the air on a seat and a handheld rocket propeller. The rocket propeller was closest related to rocketeers little pack thingy. Except, I was holding this thing in my hand and flying through the air. Then, suddenly, my seat and rocket propeller disconnect from me. I am now 10,000 feet high in the air with nothing to help me fly. Not good, not good at all... So, after I pulled myself together, I began to dive towards my only hope for survival in a massive amount of speed, much like Spiderman's dive for Mary Jane, except mine was cooler -- much cooler. So a minute or two pass by and I spot my rocket pack next to me. It took me a while to figure out how to steer to the right while falling at would now be... a couple hundred miles per hour. I finally catch the pack and put in on it just the right time. With a hundred feet left I push "full speed" and prepare to pull up in a massive amount of speed. My pack never started. The next thing I remember was SPLAT! maybe it would have been more... KA-SPLAT! Actually it was probably Ka-body.decimates.into.a.flat.redish-looking.pancake-splat!
Well, I am so thankful my body feels the need to make dreams real for me... I woke up the second I hit the ground and couldn't move my body. I was in shock for at least a minute.
How the heck did my mind figure out what it would feel like to fall through the air panicking? Geeez it's like the evil genius computer that searches its database for something to destroy the world with and get around all the defenses.
I've freaken died almost every night this week!
I was flying through the air on a seat and a handheld rocket propeller. The rocket propeller was closest related to rocketeers little pack thingy. Except, I was holding this thing in my hand and flying through the air. Then, suddenly, my seat and rocket propeller disconnect from me. I am now 10,000 feet high in the air with nothing to help me fly. Not good, not good at all... So, after I pulled myself together, I began to dive towards my only hope for survival in a massive amount of speed, much like Spiderman's dive for Mary Jane, except mine was cooler -- much cooler. So a minute or two pass by and I spot my rocket pack next to me. It took me a while to figure out how to steer to the right while falling at would now be... a couple hundred miles per hour. I finally catch the pack and put in on it just the right time. With a hundred feet left I push "full speed" and prepare to pull up in a massive amount of speed. My pack never started. The next thing I remember was SPLAT! maybe it would have been more... KA-SPLAT! Actually it was probably Ka-body.decimates.into.a.flat.redish-looking.pancake-splat!
Well, I am so thankful my body feels the need to make dreams real for me... I woke up the second I hit the ground and couldn't move my body. I was in shock for at least a minute.
How the heck did my mind figure out what it would feel like to fall through the air panicking? Geeez it's like the evil genius computer that searches its database for something to destroy the world with and get around all the defenses.
I've freaken died almost every night this week!
10/8/07
Author information update
Hey guys, just want to introduce Katie as our new grammar editor and humor advisor. Thanks Katie!
Dudes... It just means she's going to proof read the stuff
Dudes... It just means she's going to proof read the stuff
10/4/07
Irony Galore
Some of you may know, I am a professional wedding photographer, I've been to so many weddings, I lost count. But I have made some observations I would like to share with you.
So, without farther ado and further nonsense: The top ten most ironic things about weddings
1. Why do the mother-in-laws light the unity candle when the mother-in-laws are usually the source of all dis-unity in the relationship?
2. Why are people always sad at funurals and happy at weddings? At least some people who die have heaven to look forward to.
3. The ring is to symbolize love, it never ends... but you don't get very far before you hit the same old turf again and again and again.
4. It's a God ordained institution... but you need a marriage license from the government to do it.
5. They ask if anyone has any objections... but if you do... they don't really want to know. Do they?
6. If you vow to love and live together forever... what's with the prenup?
7. Everything in the ceremony is traditional, but now they are starting to ditch the only tradition that comes from western civilization. Surly you know of it, walking down the aisle... da-don-don-don At the last wedding, they played Faith Hill; so why can't they update the dresses a few thousand years?
8. The bride wears a vail over her face...is that so the groom doesn't have any second thoughts as she comes down the isle?
9. The music that is played as they come back down the isle sounds a lot like that of the music of soldiers going into battle.
10. On a more serious note, the couples that have honored God in their relationship never have a happier day in their lives.
So, without farther ado and further nonsense: The top ten most ironic things about weddings
1. Why do the mother-in-laws light the unity candle when the mother-in-laws are usually the source of all dis-unity in the relationship?
2. Why are people always sad at funurals and happy at weddings? At least some people who die have heaven to look forward to.
3. The ring is to symbolize love, it never ends... but you don't get very far before you hit the same old turf again and again and again.
4. It's a God ordained institution... but you need a marriage license from the government to do it.
5. They ask if anyone has any objections... but if you do... they don't really want to know. Do they?
6. If you vow to love and live together forever... what's with the prenup?
7. Everything in the ceremony is traditional, but now they are starting to ditch the only tradition that comes from western civilization. Surly you know of it, walking down the aisle... da-don-don-don At the last wedding, they played Faith Hill; so why can't they update the dresses a few thousand years?
8. The bride wears a vail over her face...is that so the groom doesn't have any second thoughts as she comes down the isle?
9. The music that is played as they come back down the isle sounds a lot like that of the music of soldiers going into battle.
10. On a more serious note, the couples that have honored God in their relationship never have a happier day in their lives.
10/2/07
The following takes place from 10am to 11am on the day of the presidential primary
The following is dialogue that took place at 10 p.m. after a 10 hour day at MJC, and being very, very tired. Out of a class of 47 or so, Rich and I had A+’s that accounted for 2 of the only 5 A’s in the class. The teacher graded on a curve because of a very large amount of F's and D's. But we still managed to have the following argument.
Bob: I got the highest score on the test and now I have the highest score in the class.
Dick: Um, no you didn’t
Bob: Yes I did, I got 105 and you got 100.
Dick: But you only got 91 right on the test.
Bob: It doesn’t matter; the teacher said the extra credit would count as 10 pts on the test.
Dick: Yeah, but on the test, I did better.
Bob: Well if you want to get technical, the teacher graded on a curve and made your 96 100%.
Dick: But you got the same 4 points I did. And that doesn't work because I had the highest grade on the test so I got 100 correct no matter what. I couldn't have done better. You could have.
Bob: The extra credit was an open invitation to anyone, therefore you had the same opportunity and I scored better.
Dick: I was gone on that day, so I couldn't get the extra credit. But on the test I DID BETTER!
Bob: So! You choose to be gone. I purposely did the extra credit so I wouldn’t have to study as hard or read the constitution. Therefore, I’m smarter than you and I scored better.
Dick: You had plenty of time to read the constitution, that fact that you didn't just means that you're even more of a loser.
Bob: You keep trying to downgrade my stagetic studying. If I didn’t have 10 extra credit pts I would have studied more and STILL BEAT YOU!
Dick: But percentage wise, I did better. 100 out of 100 is a better percentage then 105 out of 110!
Bob: That’s only because of the CURVE! AND I STILL beat you! And the extra credit counts ON THE TEST.
Dick: Do you know what a curve is? The teacher took the top score and gave everyone the difference between that and 100%. So, I could not have done better, if I had 98 everyone would only have gotten 2 more points.
Bob: With or without the curve I still would have had 100%, therefore you didn’t help me!
Dick: Adding or taking 4 points to both of us has no effect on my percentage argument. That would have been 101 out of 110 possible vs. 96 out of 100 possible, I STILL WIN!
Bob: All I know is on the paper I have the highest grade.
Dick: And on the test I have the least incorrect.
Bob: But I’m smarter than you cause I actually took 2 hours to listen to a speech and write an essay for the extra credit!
Dick: I was gone, I couldn't go to it... or write an essay on it.
Bob: YOU'RE A LOSER!!!
Dick: I HAD THE HIGHEST GRADE ON THE TEST!!!
::silence in the car for 5 minutes::
Bob: We both smoked the class, don’t you think this is stupid to argue about?
Dick: Yes, why’d you bring it up.
Bob: I didn’t, you did!
Dick: No, dude, we both know you did.
Bob: Whatever.
Yep, little too much school lately :-P
Bob: I got the highest score on the test and now I have the highest score in the class.
Dick: Um, no you didn’t
Bob: Yes I did, I got 105 and you got 100.
Dick: But you only got 91 right on the test.
Bob: It doesn’t matter; the teacher said the extra credit would count as 10 pts on the test.
Dick: Yeah, but on the test, I did better.
Bob: Well if you want to get technical, the teacher graded on a curve and made your 96 100%.
Dick: But you got the same 4 points I did. And that doesn't work because I had the highest grade on the test so I got 100 correct no matter what. I couldn't have done better. You could have.
Bob: The extra credit was an open invitation to anyone, therefore you had the same opportunity and I scored better.
Dick: I was gone on that day, so I couldn't get the extra credit. But on the test I DID BETTER!
Bob: So! You choose to be gone. I purposely did the extra credit so I wouldn’t have to study as hard or read the constitution. Therefore, I’m smarter than you and I scored better.
Dick: You had plenty of time to read the constitution, that fact that you didn't just means that you're even more of a loser.
Bob: You keep trying to downgrade my stagetic studying. If I didn’t have 10 extra credit pts I would have studied more and STILL BEAT YOU!
Dick: But percentage wise, I did better. 100 out of 100 is a better percentage then 105 out of 110!
Bob: That’s only because of the CURVE! AND I STILL beat you! And the extra credit counts ON THE TEST.
Dick: Do you know what a curve is? The teacher took the top score and gave everyone the difference between that and 100%. So, I could not have done better, if I had 98 everyone would only have gotten 2 more points.
Bob: With or without the curve I still would have had 100%, therefore you didn’t help me!
Dick: Adding or taking 4 points to both of us has no effect on my percentage argument. That would have been 101 out of 110 possible vs. 96 out of 100 possible, I STILL WIN!
Bob: All I know is on the paper I have the highest grade.
Dick: And on the test I have the least incorrect.
Bob: But I’m smarter than you cause I actually took 2 hours to listen to a speech and write an essay for the extra credit!
Dick: I was gone, I couldn't go to it... or write an essay on it.
Bob: YOU'RE A LOSER!!!
Dick: I HAD THE HIGHEST GRADE ON THE TEST!!!
::silence in the car for 5 minutes::
Bob: We both smoked the class, don’t you think this is stupid to argue about?
Dick: Yes, why’d you bring it up.
Bob: I didn’t, you did!
Dick: No, dude, we both know you did.
Bob: Whatever.
Yep, little too much school lately :-P
9/27/07
Top Five Most Frustrating Things About Working At A Restaurant
Working at a restaurant has really given me a lot more respect for the people that work at them. From the servers to the cooks, from the hostesses to the bussers, from the bartenders to the take out girl, I respect all of them. And to help you guys respect them as well, I'm going to give you some real life examples of what frustrates restaurant employees to death!
1. Changing your babies diaper at the table.
Yes, this is true. I've seen it happen. I don't know why the heck any one would want to change their babies diaper at the dinner table, in a high class restaurant, but they do. I really don't think I need to go on about this............so I won't.
Just don't do it......it's gross......really. The other customers really don't want to smell baby doo doo while they are chomping into a $30 dollar Steak.
2. Asking to have your food come out later.
I mean come on! Who in their right mind changes their babies diaper at the dinner table. That's just disgusting. I know I said I won't go about this, but it is so appalling that it makes me want hurl.....so I'll change the subject before I do.
On more then one occasion I have had a table ask to have their food delayed. The annoying part is, is that their food is already done. I don't care if you don't want to eat, yet. If you didn't want to eat, you shouldn't have come to restaurant. If your food is done do NOT ask to have it later. It will go bad. The only thing keeping the food warm is food lamps. So, eventually, the food lamps will dry out the food, and even cook the steak, or mashed potatoes, or fries. This is the most annoying thing any customer could ask for. You're food is done, asking to eat it later will not help you in the least. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite "Eat the food, you fat lard! Gosh."
3. Draining the soda machine.
I'm not going to deny it, I am guilty of this horrendous act. In my younger days I thought it would be "cool" to drain the soda machine. All until one day when I had to switch 3 of them out at once. Those things are the biggest pain in the back (literally) to change out. And when there are 20 tables that need to be bussed, plates that need to be stocked and a 100 pound trash can that needs to be dumped, replacing a Coca-Cola soda container is the last thing that bussers want to do. Not cool guys, Not cool.
4. Leaving a Massive Mess
A Bussers job is to clean, that is what we do. But one time I had this "Latino" family come in and all they did was complain, complain, complain. They complained about the price, they complained about they're food being cold, they even complained that they're steak wasn't cooked at the right temperature! And this wasn't a family of four or five; this was a family of 20! (and to top it off one of them was wearing a "Jesus Saves" hat). So anyway, they finally tell the manager "We don't appreciate the service here so we're leaving." (and yes, they did not leave a tip). The mess they left was like a Hurricane Katrina re-enactment. It was brutal. Disastrous. Painstakingly long to clean. Me and the other Busser, Ricky, had to pick up everything. plates, knives, forks, glasses, napkins that were littered all over the floor. Yeah, this was not fun. So yeah. Lesson learned, people?
5. Customers That Think They know More then their Server
Yeah, there was one time when a lady came into the restaurant to dine. She asked for a Salmon and she wanted it "Blackened." Now for those of you who don't know what Blackened Salmon is, it is when the cooks put a lot of extra seasonings on it to give it a "blacker" look. So, she gets her salmon, it's a beautiful looking salmon. Perfection. This snob of a lady turns to her server and says "Excuse me, I asked for this salmon to be blackened, NOT BURNT! So, can you please go tell whoever the retard is that made this salmon to make it right!" Yes, that was a direct quote. But it doesn't stop there, upon giving the lady her new salmon she then proceeded to tell her server that we served her the wrong salmon! At my restaurant we serve two types of salmons, and trust me, she got the right one. Boy howdy, I don't think there was a single cook that didn't want to do bodily harm to that lady. We had to stop one of them from running out there with a knife......seriously. And this isn't a rare occasion either. There have been times when the customer told us we served them a pork chop, when they ordered a steak. How one can confuse a pork chop with a Joe's steak is beyond me, but it has happened.
The resaurant biz can be quite a lot of fun, but only when we have great customers. In case you didn't get the hint, these are examples of BAD customers. The kind of customers that we wanted to kick out, but legally couldn't. So, the next time you're at a restaurant remember these helpful tips to make your server a happy server: (1) Don't change your baby's diaper at the table; (2) Don't ask to have your food delayed; (3) Do not drain the soda fountain; (4) Do not Leave a disastrous mess when you leave; and (5) Don't think you know more then the server, they work there and you don't. Thanks for reading, and always "We're keeping it honest, in a dishonest way."
1. Changing your babies diaper at the table.
Yes, this is true. I've seen it happen. I don't know why the heck any one would want to change their babies diaper at the dinner table, in a high class restaurant, but they do. I really don't think I need to go on about this............so I won't.
Just don't do it......it's gross......really. The other customers really don't want to smell baby doo doo while they are chomping into a $30 dollar Steak.
2. Asking to have your food come out later.
I mean come on! Who in their right mind changes their babies diaper at the dinner table. That's just disgusting. I know I said I won't go about this, but it is so appalling that it makes me want hurl.....so I'll change the subject before I do.
On more then one occasion I have had a table ask to have their food delayed. The annoying part is, is that their food is already done. I don't care if you don't want to eat, yet. If you didn't want to eat, you shouldn't have come to restaurant. If your food is done do NOT ask to have it later. It will go bad. The only thing keeping the food warm is food lamps. So, eventually, the food lamps will dry out the food, and even cook the steak, or mashed potatoes, or fries. This is the most annoying thing any customer could ask for. You're food is done, asking to eat it later will not help you in the least. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite "Eat the food, you fat lard! Gosh."
3. Draining the soda machine.
I'm not going to deny it, I am guilty of this horrendous act. In my younger days I thought it would be "cool" to drain the soda machine. All until one day when I had to switch 3 of them out at once. Those things are the biggest pain in the back (literally) to change out. And when there are 20 tables that need to be bussed, plates that need to be stocked and a 100 pound trash can that needs to be dumped, replacing a Coca-Cola soda container is the last thing that bussers want to do. Not cool guys, Not cool.
4. Leaving a Massive Mess
A Bussers job is to clean, that is what we do. But one time I had this "Latino" family come in and all they did was complain, complain, complain. They complained about the price, they complained about they're food being cold, they even complained that they're steak wasn't cooked at the right temperature! And this wasn't a family of four or five; this was a family of 20! (and to top it off one of them was wearing a "Jesus Saves" hat). So anyway, they finally tell the manager "We don't appreciate the service here so we're leaving." (and yes, they did not leave a tip). The mess they left was like a Hurricane Katrina re-enactment. It was brutal. Disastrous. Painstakingly long to clean. Me and the other Busser, Ricky, had to pick up everything. plates, knives, forks, glasses, napkins that were littered all over the floor. Yeah, this was not fun. So yeah. Lesson learned, people?
5. Customers That Think They know More then their Server
Yeah, there was one time when a lady came into the restaurant to dine. She asked for a Salmon and she wanted it "Blackened." Now for those of you who don't know what Blackened Salmon is, it is when the cooks put a lot of extra seasonings on it to give it a "blacker" look. So, she gets her salmon, it's a beautiful looking salmon. Perfection. This snob of a lady turns to her server and says "Excuse me, I asked for this salmon to be blackened, NOT BURNT! So, can you please go tell whoever the retard is that made this salmon to make it right!" Yes, that was a direct quote. But it doesn't stop there, upon giving the lady her new salmon she then proceeded to tell her server that we served her the wrong salmon! At my restaurant we serve two types of salmons, and trust me, she got the right one. Boy howdy, I don't think there was a single cook that didn't want to do bodily harm to that lady. We had to stop one of them from running out there with a knife......seriously. And this isn't a rare occasion either. There have been times when the customer told us we served them a pork chop, when they ordered a steak. How one can confuse a pork chop with a Joe's steak is beyond me, but it has happened.
The resaurant biz can be quite a lot of fun, but only when we have great customers. In case you didn't get the hint, these are examples of BAD customers. The kind of customers that we wanted to kick out, but legally couldn't. So, the next time you're at a restaurant remember these helpful tips to make your server a happy server: (1) Don't change your baby's diaper at the table; (2) Don't ask to have your food delayed; (3) Do not drain the soda fountain; (4) Do not Leave a disastrous mess when you leave; and (5) Don't think you know more then the server, they work there and you don't. Thanks for reading, and always "We're keeping it honest, in a dishonest way."
We don't believe it
Just when we thought we were all alone...
And nothing was going our way...
And believe us you, we know it's part of life...
But it just seemed like everyone was out to get us...
And we were running out of patience...
It seemed like there was nowhere to go...
Then out of nowhere...
Something we didn't see coming...
One of those thing you don't expect but always hoped for...
TREVOR POSTED!!!
AND NOW WE FEEL LIKE WE CAN FLY!
And nothing was going our way...
And believe us you, we know it's part of life...
But it just seemed like everyone was out to get us...
And we were running out of patience...
It seemed like there was nowhere to go...
Then out of nowhere...
Something we didn't see coming...
One of those thing you don't expect but always hoped for...
TREVOR POSTED!!!
AND NOW WE FEEL LIKE WE CAN FLY!
9/26/07
The Airsofter's Journey: Part the Oneth
Let me begin by saying that I am not very much of a war-supporter. In fact I am basically anti-war. As such I frequent such sites as this one. This sometimes garners reproach from my friends.
"What?" They say in reprimand. "You're anti-war? You must be against stopping the terrorists! You must be against the second amendment!", they continue, "You must be a Democrat!". Well shoot, if being anti-war is left, I don't want to be right! No in fact, being anti-war does not mean shunning self-defense and supporting universal healthcare, it simply means that you are a sane person. I would be in fact much disturbed were I to encounter a person who was in fact pro-war. I would recoil in horror!
"What!" I would say in reproachful tones. "You're pro-war? You must be for preemptive strikes! you must be for interventionism! You must be... well now, you must be a Republican!" To which we would both doubtless stomp off in our respective directions, our opinions of each other greatly diminished as a result of this small ideological exchange.
And so having cleared up this little misunderstanding, I now move to the result of my anti-war sentiments: Airsoft. Airsoft is a fast-growing sport in the States that involves firing small bb's at other people. A popular definition of airsoft is as follows:
" Airsoft; A sport in which underdeveloped, socially deficient teenagers who are too chicken to join the real military live out their fantasies by firing little white things that couldn't hurt a small bird at each other, thinking (somehow) that this makes them tough and cool."
But you say to yourself "This is inconsistent! How can you be anti-war, yet play war games? a contradiction!" Nay fair reader... consider the following syllogism;
A) The Editor is Anti-war.
B) War involves killing people.
C) Therefore, Airsoft is cool.
If you have difficulty grasping this, I humbly submit that the problem is yours, not mine. And so having been introduced to this sport by my friends, and being a socially deficient teenager myself, I was drawn to it. "Yes!" I thought to myself. "Now I can look like I'm tough without having to be tough... kind of like that one band they're always playing!" This was in fact one of several reasons I was first drawn to the activity... the other reasons being:
-During Airsoft a mask is worn the whole time. This minimizes the amount of time you have to actually converse with other people, trying to think of witty dialogue then regressing into an awkward silence, and maximizes the amount of time you can shoot at them.
-If I was mad at someone, I could just invite them to play Airsoft with me! Then once we were out on the field, I could pull some "accidental" friendly fire moves! "Woops!" I would say. "My bad!"
And so armed with my syllogism, my underdeveloped biceps, my three awesome reasons for Airsofting, and about $40 ("Surely this will be enough." I thought), I headed to my nearest Airsoft retailer...
EDITOR'S NOTE: This post does not conform to RFCN's Truthfulness standards. This post contains certain amounts of truth combined with what Stephen Colbert has coined "Truthiness".
"What?" They say in reprimand. "You're anti-war? You must be against stopping the terrorists! You must be against the second amendment!", they continue, "You must be a Democrat!". Well shoot, if being anti-war is left, I don't want to be right! No in fact, being anti-war does not mean shunning self-defense and supporting universal healthcare, it simply means that you are a sane person. I would be in fact much disturbed were I to encounter a person who was in fact pro-war. I would recoil in horror!
"What!" I would say in reproachful tones. "You're pro-war? You must be for preemptive strikes! you must be for interventionism! You must be... well now, you must be a Republican!" To which we would both doubtless stomp off in our respective directions, our opinions of each other greatly diminished as a result of this small ideological exchange.
And so having cleared up this little misunderstanding, I now move to the result of my anti-war sentiments: Airsoft. Airsoft is a fast-growing sport in the States that involves firing small bb's at other people. A popular definition of airsoft is as follows:
" Airsoft; A sport in which underdeveloped, socially deficient teenagers who are too chicken to join the real military live out their fantasies by firing little white things that couldn't hurt a small bird at each other, thinking (somehow) that this makes them tough and cool."
But you say to yourself "This is inconsistent! How can you be anti-war, yet play war games? a contradiction!" Nay fair reader... consider the following syllogism;
A) The Editor is Anti-war.
B) War involves killing people.
C) Therefore, Airsoft is cool.
If you have difficulty grasping this, I humbly submit that the problem is yours, not mine. And so having been introduced to this sport by my friends, and being a socially deficient teenager myself, I was drawn to it. "Yes!" I thought to myself. "Now I can look like I'm tough without having to be tough... kind of like that one band they're always playing!" This was in fact one of several reasons I was first drawn to the activity... the other reasons being:
-During Airsoft a mask is worn the whole time. This minimizes the amount of time you have to actually converse with other people, trying to think of witty dialogue then regressing into an awkward silence, and maximizes the amount of time you can shoot at them.
-If I was mad at someone, I could just invite them to play Airsoft with me! Then once we were out on the field, I could pull some "accidental" friendly fire moves! "Woops!" I would say. "My bad!"
And so armed with my syllogism, my underdeveloped biceps, my three awesome reasons for Airsofting, and about $40 ("Surely this will be enough." I thought), I headed to my nearest Airsoft retailer...
EDITOR'S NOTE: This post does not conform to RFCN's Truthfulness standards. This post contains certain amounts of truth combined with what Stephen Colbert has coined "Truthiness".
9/25/07
Does anybody hear me?
Do you ever feel alone?
Do you ever feel like nobody likes you?
Do you ever feel constantly made fun of?
Do you wish you could just laugh in every one's face?
If the questions mentioned above seem to describe you, then RFCN relates to you. Yes, we at RFCN know exactly what you are going through. Please join RFCN's support group. Just email reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com with the subject line "help me". We meet regularly on Tuesday nights for a time of sharing and discussing how to get back at all the mean RFCN haters and comments... President Bush if you are out there, we are here for you too. Unfortunately this is not open invitation. If your name is Chris, you are not invited... even if you aren't Chris Y. The name Chris is simply too painful to hear for many of the RFCN authors... maybe not for Trevera because he never reads our site.
Do you ever feel like nobody likes you?
Do you ever feel constantly made fun of?
Do you wish you could just laugh in every one's face?
If the questions mentioned above seem to describe you, then RFCN relates to you. Yes, we at RFCN know exactly what you are going through. Please join RFCN's support group. Just email reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com with the subject line "help me". We meet regularly on Tuesday nights for a time of sharing and discussing how to get back at all the mean RFCN haters and comments... President Bush if you are out there, we are here for you too. Unfortunately this is not open invitation. If your name is Chris, you are not invited... even if you aren't Chris Y. The name Chris is simply too painful to hear for many of the RFCN authors... maybe not for Trevera because he never reads our site.
9/24/07
I have a dream
Many suns ahead, in a galaxy far, far, near; there was a boy, a boy who had a dream, a dream that wouldn’t go away. In this dream, that wouldn’t go away, and was created by the boy, there was another world, another world that resembled our current world. And in that other world which resembled the current world, there was a country called America. That country, which was called America, was where the boy, that had the dream that wouldn’t go away... shoot! ::thinks really hard:: I forgot where I was going with that. um... vote Ron Paul?!
9/21/07
Hear ye now Trevera
Trevor, you have ten days to edit this post and post something or you are out! Post anything! Just flippen post something in this box!
Are you out there Trevor?
Are you out there Trevor?
Nina!
I just finished watching 24 episode 10-11 pm season one and... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nina was a plant!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ::runs around banging head on things:: They can't do that! Now she's going to get killed and be off the show soon! Nooooooooo Nina! Please explain why you were talking in a foreign language secretly giving information to the bad guys! They'll believe you. I believe you. Just please don't' be a bad guy! Nina if you are out there reading RFCN before you start season 2, tell them you are innocent! Turn yourself in! I'll help defend you as soon as I get a law degree! I promise!
Oh wait, what if she gets killed in the last episode of season 1! ahh ::runs to watch last episode::
Oh wait, what if she gets killed in the last episode of season 1! ahh ::runs to watch last episode::
9/20/07
def not me
yeah, that wasn't me either. Which pretty much leaves one person who we can logically assume posted it.
The Most Original Post Ever.
This is the "Most Original Post Ever."
HAHA!
This has been the "Most Original Post Ever."
HAHA!
This has been the "Most Original Post Ever."
9/19/07
National be a pirate day
9/18/07
Funny Stories: the attempted assassination of Sammy Sosa
Sunday I was going to a baseball game between the A's and the Rangers. I went with my sister and grabbed my backpack so I'd have a bag for my sweater. I grabbed my school books out of it quickly and off I went. After a long drive and a Bart ride, we arrived at the coliseum. As we started to go through the security check, I emptied my backpack for this war hardened looking dude obviously from Oakland. As I pulled it out I replied "yeah I just have two jackets and..." There was Jeremiah's air soft glock pistol.
Chris O gave me his pistol at debate class on Friday and when I pulled my books out of my backpack, it stayed in there.
I swear the dude didn't even check if it was real, he just said: "can't bring that in there"
I'm like: "yeah sorrry!"
A couple steps later I realized I had no idea what I was going to do with the pistol!
We took the Bart from Dublin so no car to put anything anywhere.
I looked at the trash can but, almost simultaneously I remembered how buff Jeremiah was. Visions of my head being removed by his bicep kept reoccurring.
I knew I'd have to go back to the gangsta security man to ask for help.
Luckily they had some storage center around the building for a 3 dollar charge.
Welp, since I'm not writing this post from jail, I'm sure you all can figure out it worked out.
Chris O gave me his pistol at debate class on Friday and when I pulled my books out of my backpack, it stayed in there.
I swear the dude didn't even check if it was real, he just said: "can't bring that in there"
I'm like: "yeah sorrry!"
A couple steps later I realized I had no idea what I was going to do with the pistol!
We took the Bart from Dublin so no car to put anything anywhere.
I looked at the trash can but, almost simultaneously I remembered how buff Jeremiah was. Visions of my head being removed by his bicep kept reoccurring.
I knew I'd have to go back to the gangsta security man to ask for help.
Luckily they had some storage center around the building for a 3 dollar charge.
Welp, since I'm not writing this post from jail, I'm sure you all can figure out it worked out.
9/15/07
The Truth
There's a streak of honesty sweeping across blogville. We figured we'd take this opportunity to tell you a little more about the authors of RFCN. And well... when a picture is worth a thousand words, why waste time being redundant?
You know what the difference is between us and FCN?
WE MAKE THIS LOOK GOOD.
**missing from this post is our new author Chris**
You know what the difference is between us and FCN?
WE MAKE THIS LOOK GOOD.
**missing from this post is our new author Chris**
9/14/07
A few tips for reading FCN
Well, hopefully everyone is keeping up with our little sister site http://funnyclassnotes.blogspot.com/. And for those of you who are, we have some tips to share with you that help us read through there sometimes very long, mostly late punch lined but, potentially funny and worth the reading, FCN posts.
Never look ahead to see how long it is
If you are reading through it and it starts to get boring, the worst thing you can do is scroll ahead and see you have 3 paragraphs left to read. Reading one line at a time helps you get through the script and hopefully, will be worth it if there is indeed, a punchline... or maybe just a har har story.
Don't expect a punchline
Read FCN posts just expecting to be mildly entertained. If something is actually pretty funny, it will surprise you and you will actually laugh.
LOL!
Always laugh out loud to yourself at anything that you thimk shoulda been funny, is funny, or isn't much of anything. Laughing out loud will help you laugh more at punchlines that come in the post. LOL also helps relieve some of the tension and expectations you have when reading a humor blog. It's just not right to expect a humor blog to be funny on EVERY post. ... ESPecially one that posts everyday
Read FCN before RFCN
Be sure to start with FCN, that way you are not disappointed or have too high standards for them.
Hope this helps ya all...
... uhh, please post, don't come back to haunt us.
Never look ahead to see how long it is
If you are reading through it and it starts to get boring, the worst thing you can do is scroll ahead and see you have 3 paragraphs left to read. Reading one line at a time helps you get through the script and hopefully, will be worth it if there is indeed, a punchline... or maybe just a har har story.
Don't expect a punchline
Read FCN posts just expecting to be mildly entertained. If something is actually pretty funny, it will surprise you and you will actually laugh.
LOL!
Always laugh out loud to yourself at anything that you thimk shoulda been funny, is funny, or isn't much of anything. Laughing out loud will help you laugh more at punchlines that come in the post. LOL also helps relieve some of the tension and expectations you have when reading a humor blog. It's just not right to expect a humor blog to be funny on EVERY post. ... ESPecially one that posts everyday
Read FCN before RFCN
Be sure to start with FCN, that way you are not disappointed or have too high standards for them.
Hope this helps ya all...
... uhh, please post, don't come back to haunt us.
9/13/07
FCN, it's time
Cody, Travis and Dan?
RFCN really thinks it's time for you guys to stop acting like you have 10 unique visitors.
RFCN believes in honesty to it's readers. It's disappointing that our sister site is so Envoy-ish on these issues.
What's the current count? 20,000?
RFCN really thinks it's time for you guys to stop acting like you have 10 unique visitors.
RFCN believes in honesty to it's readers. It's disappointing that our sister site is so Envoy-ish on these issues.
What's the current count? 20,000?
9/11/07
House Cleaning
Welcome to Really Funny Class Notes, we would like to take this time to update our readers on RFCN policies and promises.
First off we would like to thank everyone who has visited our site that goes out to EVERYONE from girlfriends all the way to our arch enemies who visit our site to spit us but in fact do not realize that the jokes on them because they still visit our site and we count that as success because all we wanted was readers anyways
Now that sentence brings up another issue, grammar. We here at RFCN belief that there is nothing more important, then not caring about grammar. IF you had problems reading our post because of the grammar, then you need to go to a support group. The only way that is even possible, is if while reading a sentence the only thing you even think about is the grammar mistakes. This in fact could be a legitimate problem. We however, seriously doubt that our grammar has affected our reader’s ability to read something; we know this because most comments are as follows:
"That post was lame; you guys need to stop insulting Travis. And btw the grammar was so bad I couldn't read it."
That actually brings us to the next issue, commenting. Please do not get us wrong, we appreciate positive comments. But if you didn't like the post, don't comment. We'll get the point after a while. But RFCN studies have in fact shown that negative comments affect overall site popularity. This is simply because humor is subjective, and some of your comments try to make it seem as if humor is objective. Thus convincing people that something that may have been funny is in fact not.
Bringing us to the next topic; funny posts. We here at RFCN actually (believe it or not) prefer to post only that which is funny... and TRUTHFUL! Unlike Funny Class notes (trade mark of RFCN) we guarantee that everything we say is true, is in fact, true. But in an effort to guarantee funniness, we do not guarantee originality. Deal with it.
RFCN would like to point out that we now have a total of 1,391 visits (933 unique) and an average of 30 per day. So, in an effort to expand; we expanded. We now have 5 contributors, the newest is Zech Keenan.
We also don't see a reason why not one of you has ever clicked on an AD at the bottom of our site. Please, it makes us money, maybe someday we can buy a professional editor and then you won't have to complain about our grammar... but that said, please only do it if you our legitimately interested in the AD, we say that in order not to get sued by Google.
At this point we would like to take a moment to thank Funnny Class Notes For their part in our success. We realize it must be hard for you to see us have almost 10 times the unique hits and over 13 times the visits that you have. So instead of holding this above you, we would like to remind our viewers that FCN exists and it is not a crime to visit their site. Remember; Just say yes to funniness
Now, the last issue we should cover is that of the frequency of posts. We actually take pride in the fact that we post only a few times a week. We believe this gives everyone the time to find time to read our latest post. So instead of overwhelming you with too many posts to catch up on like FCN, you have plenty of time to read through our posts before the next one.
And we would like to end this house cleaning post by joining FCN and saying; vote Ron Paul and clean your own house, it's you responsibility.
First off we would like to thank everyone who has visited our site that goes out to EVERYONE from girlfriends all the way to our arch enemies who visit our site to spit us but in fact do not realize that the jokes on them because they still visit our site and we count that as success because all we wanted was readers anyways
Now that sentence brings up another issue, grammar. We here at RFCN belief that there is nothing more important, then not caring about grammar. IF you had problems reading our post because of the grammar, then you need to go to a support group. The only way that is even possible, is if while reading a sentence the only thing you even think about is the grammar mistakes. This in fact could be a legitimate problem. We however, seriously doubt that our grammar has affected our reader’s ability to read something; we know this because most comments are as follows:
"That post was lame; you guys need to stop insulting Travis. And btw the grammar was so bad I couldn't read it."
That actually brings us to the next issue, commenting. Please do not get us wrong, we appreciate positive comments. But if you didn't like the post, don't comment. We'll get the point after a while. But RFCN studies have in fact shown that negative comments affect overall site popularity. This is simply because humor is subjective, and some of your comments try to make it seem as if humor is objective. Thus convincing people that something that may have been funny is in fact not.
Bringing us to the next topic; funny posts. We here at RFCN actually (believe it or not) prefer to post only that which is funny... and TRUTHFUL! Unlike Funny Class notes (trade mark of RFCN) we guarantee that everything we say is true, is in fact, true. But in an effort to guarantee funniness, we do not guarantee originality. Deal with it.
RFCN would like to point out that we now have a total of 1,391 visits (933 unique) and an average of 30 per day. So, in an effort to expand; we expanded. We now have 5 contributors, the newest is Zech Keenan.
We also don't see a reason why not one of you has ever clicked on an AD at the bottom of our site. Please, it makes us money, maybe someday we can buy a professional editor and then you won't have to complain about our grammar... but that said, please only do it if you our legitimately interested in the AD, we say that in order not to get sued by Google.
At this point we would like to take a moment to thank Funnny Class Notes For their part in our success. We realize it must be hard for you to see us have almost 10 times the unique hits and over 13 times the visits that you have. So instead of holding this above you, we would like to remind our viewers that FCN exists and it is not a crime to visit their site. Remember; Just say yes to funniness
Now, the last issue we should cover is that of the frequency of posts. We actually take pride in the fact that we post only a few times a week. We believe this gives everyone the time to find time to read our latest post. So instead of overwhelming you with too many posts to catch up on like FCN, you have plenty of time to read through our posts before the next one.
And we would like to end this house cleaning post by joining FCN and saying; vote Ron Paul and clean your own house, it's you responsibility.
In memory of those who fell
Chris asked once "why we would have a humor blog and write things that aren't funny". To answer his question, sometimes things are important to say on a site with almost 1,000 hits. One of those things we'd like to say right now is just a reminder of the date.
9/11
I watched a video today of a phone conversation between Fire Dispatch and someone inside the second tower (caught in smoke). He was begging the fire department to get to him to the point of screaming profanity. The fire department assured him they were in the building trying to get to him when suddenly the building collapsed. The video showed the tower start the collapse as you heard the man scream in horror and die.
Let us not live in fear... but let us not forget the fear we once had.
To the heroes of 9/11... your bravery is the reason why we live in a great nation.
To the heroes that fought or are fighting in war on terror in Afghanistan, your bravery is the reason why our great nation still exists.
9/11
I watched a video today of a phone conversation between Fire Dispatch and someone inside the second tower (caught in smoke). He was begging the fire department to get to him to the point of screaming profanity. The fire department assured him they were in the building trying to get to him when suddenly the building collapsed. The video showed the tower start the collapse as you heard the man scream in horror and die.
Let us not live in fear... but let us not forget the fear we once had.
To the heroes of 9/11... your bravery is the reason why we live in a great nation.
To the heroes that fought or are fighting in war on terror in Afghanistan, your bravery is the reason why our great nation still exists.
9/7/07
Smile and smoothness
If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.
Have you ever been around a girl and the opportunity came up to compliment her on her looks, but you just didn’t know if she’d like it? Or maybe you were at a ball room dance and you and hottie over there were the only ones left, but you just didn’t know if you could pull it off? Or perhaps you were greeting a friend you knew pretty well and she looked like she was waiting for you to give her a hug. If you have ever found yourself in a situation like this and you thought it felt awkward how timing and random chance gave you a shot with a girl, then you have had an opportune moment. But if you have been in a situation where it would be awkward and almost wrong for you NOT to hold the girls hand, hug her, or say something kind, then you’ve had a REALLY OBVIOUS Opportune Moment.
Listen carefully ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and Travis… girls know if you miss an opportune moment. So, if what we are saying seems to apply to you, then we have just the thing for you. RFCN is starting a new series on advice called REALLY Obvious Opportune Moments (ROOM).
Lesson One:
Photographs
The situation:
You are standing or sitting with a girl. You’d like to put your arm around her for any reason and suddenly… someone wants a picture of you two.
This is a ROO moment!
I know you all are thinking that you already know when to do it etc…
Let’s take a look at some moments missed.
As you can see, sometimes avoiding opportune moments end up making awkward moments for both sexes. It's also dead obvious as you both sit or stand rubbing arms trying to smile for the camera. ... Buuuut that's not the worst that can happen. No doubt doing a hug incorrectly can make the moment even more awkward.
Chris in the this picture is what we like to call, overly opportune Momentous. That's bad. Sorry Chris, a little too much effort in that last one.
Comeon peeps... this is how it's done...
Have you ever been around a girl and the opportunity came up to compliment her on her looks, but you just didn’t know if she’d like it? Or maybe you were at a ball room dance and you and hottie over there were the only ones left, but you just didn’t know if you could pull it off? Or perhaps you were greeting a friend you knew pretty well and she looked like she was waiting for you to give her a hug. If you have ever found yourself in a situation like this and you thought it felt awkward how timing and random chance gave you a shot with a girl, then you have had an opportune moment. But if you have been in a situation where it would be awkward and almost wrong for you NOT to hold the girls hand, hug her, or say something kind, then you’ve had a REALLY OBVIOUS Opportune Moment.
Listen carefully ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and Travis… girls know if you miss an opportune moment. So, if what we are saying seems to apply to you, then we have just the thing for you. RFCN is starting a new series on advice called REALLY Obvious Opportune Moments (ROOM).
Lesson One:
Photographs
The situation:
You are standing or sitting with a girl. You’d like to put your arm around her for any reason and suddenly… someone wants a picture of you two.
This is a ROO moment!
I know you all are thinking that you already know when to do it etc…
Let’s take a look at some moments missed.
As you can see, sometimes avoiding opportune moments end up making awkward moments for both sexes. It's also dead obvious as you both sit or stand rubbing arms trying to smile for the camera. ... Buuuut that's not the worst that can happen. No doubt doing a hug incorrectly can make the moment even more awkward.
Chris in the this picture is what we like to call, overly opportune Momentous. That's bad. Sorry Chris, a little too much effort in that last one.
Comeon peeps... this is how it's done...
RFCN takes a trip to Africa
It wasn't hot enough in California for RFCN, so we took a trip to Africa over the past few days.
Our mission was clear - help native rain forest Indians in Africa protect endangered gorillas from poachers and global warming.
As the plane soared over the rich African rain forest, our pilot announced over the intercom that our destination airport was being taken over by rebel fighters in a coup. Needless to say, we didn't land there. The pilot then announced that after a quick Google Earth search, he had found an abandoned airstrip within 3 miles of our objective airport. Banking to the left, the pilot began his descent.
As our pilot eased the massive Boeing 747 onto the weed covered runway, our contact appeared at the edge of the clearing. By the time we had disembarked the aircraft via an emergency slide, Kuld had reached the aircraft
"Unuggh ugyen, FCN klamef tuda," he grunted, gesturing to to the forest.
Rob, the only member of our party who could speak Swahili, translated for the rest of us.
"Well, apparently Klud has seen poachers coming this direction from the airport."
"Ingu nastd txfu potge tszan."
"And the poachers are armed with machine guns and RPGs..."
"Yher vir edtu ga!"
"...they are driving two jeeps and slashing his pineapple plants with a machete!" Exclaimed Rob. "Let's head to your villa- oh stupid me, I'm talking to you in English! Iteni wayupe qten, Klud."
Klud began walking into the dense jungle, seemingly at Rob's suggestion, so we grabbed our gear and started after him. After what seemed to be at least a dozen miles of following Klud's footpath, we reached his village. Houses built in the trees was obviously the dominate style in the area, and Klud showed us to the central lodge where we would be staying the night with his weapons cache.
It was getting late by the time Klud's wife brought us a customary monkey arm platter for dinner. By the light of a torch, we went over our supplies.
"Well I brought some Cliff bars and Gatorade....and a spare shirt," announced Jon.
"WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!?" Screamed Richard. "WE ARE IN THE JUNGLE, SOON TO BE FIGHTING POACHERS, NOT ON A DAY HIKE!"
"Oh."
"Oh is right, and I'm not giving any of my Zone bars or Monster to you. As for the rest of my equipment, I purchased a compound bow before we left, I hope I can kill the poachers who slashed Klud's pineapples," Rich mused. "And I brought more than one shirt to change into."
"You brought 2 shirts? I actually brought several full changes of clothes," said Rob. "I brought a portable chemistry kit, just in case." With that, Rob made some toothpaste with his chemistry kit, smeared it on his teeth, and headed to bed.
"Riiiiight. A chemistry kit." Everything was starting to make sense to Jon. Or possibly it was just what he thought made sense but was completely wrong like every other time something "made sense" to him.
"Shut up and go to sleep," mumbled Rich as he stuffed the last of the monkey meat into his mouth and laid down on the bough floor.
As the night grew colder, the sleeping RFCN team dreamt about eating their Cliff and Zone bars.
With a start, Richard sat up to the early morning sun. "Guys wake up, what was that?"
"What was what?" murmured Jon
"That noise. It sounds like a car"
"It's probably a car. Why don't you go kill a poacher or something?"
"Good idea, I'll take Rob with me."
Rich started thinking about what would happen if he and Rob actually managed to kill or wound a poacher. "Would Rob and I have to bury him right then and there? Should we leave his body out to rot in the humid jungle? What if the car I heard was one of the two that Klud told Rob about yesterday? Would they return fire? Would they kill me?!? Wait, if I paint myself blue and hang some of Jon's teeth by a string on my neck, perhaps I can sneak away from the poachers before they see me."
So with that brilliant logic, Richard painted himself blue with the Cobalt from Rob's chemistry kit. He then woke the still sleeping Rob. After finding out why Richard was painted blue, Rob and Rich left the lodge with their gear in search of the poachers.
They started off in a northern direction, stopping only briefly to eat moss and Zone bars. Suddenly they stumbled upon what appeared to be a road cut out of the jungle by a machete only a few hours before.
"So this is what Klud was talking about yesterday, only the poachers have gotten much closer to the village," mumbled Rob. "Hey Rich, let's follow this path."
"Hold on chum, which way are you going to go?"
"Uhhhh...left?"
"How about if you be quiet for a minute and we'll see if we can hear the cars again."
.....::the sound of a clutch grinding drifts from the path to the right::......
"See? Right, not left! Let's go," said Rich.
After 30 minutes, Richard saw a jeep ahead of them on the trail. In the rear, a figure faced forward clutching a tripod mounted machine gun, while his comrade sat next to him, facing Richard. As Richard scanned the rest of the group, the only man who could possibly notice him sneak up was the bloke facing the rear, who Richard just noticed was drinking a soda.
"Get into the foliage Rob, you don't have blue paint and a tooth necklace for camouflage! I'm going to nail the guy facing this way with my bow," hissed Richard.
Robert watched the pure power or the bow flex under Richard's massive arms as a blue arrow was drawn silently. Then with a barley audible "twang," the arrow lept forward and thudded into the bulletproof vest of the poacher, who promptly fell off of the jeep, spitting the foamy Coke out of his mouth as he hit the forest floor.
Robert's jaw dropped as he then saw the individual at the mounted machine gun start shooting randomly into the forest, completely unaware that Richard was crouching to the side of the path behind him. As the smoke from the machine gun cleared, Richard jumped into the middle of the path and gave a traditional Swahili war screech, holding his bow to the trees. The moran operating the gun began firing again, somehow unable to hit Richard. Suddenly there was a sharp report of a sniper rifle, and Rob saw an old woman in the front lowering her customized Gorilla sniper. She also proved to be a lame shot, missing Richard by several feet as he jumped into the bushes by the path.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued...
Our mission was clear - help native rain forest Indians in Africa protect endangered gorillas from poachers and global warming.
As the plane soared over the rich African rain forest, our pilot announced over the intercom that our destination airport was being taken over by rebel fighters in a coup. Needless to say, we didn't land there. The pilot then announced that after a quick Google Earth search, he had found an abandoned airstrip within 3 miles of our objective airport. Banking to the left, the pilot began his descent.
As our pilot eased the massive Boeing 747 onto the weed covered runway, our contact appeared at the edge of the clearing. By the time we had disembarked the aircraft via an emergency slide, Kuld had reached the aircraft
"Unuggh ugyen, FCN klamef tuda," he grunted, gesturing to to the forest.
Rob, the only member of our party who could speak Swahili, translated for the rest of us.
"Well, apparently Klud has seen poachers coming this direction from the airport."
"Ingu nastd txfu potge tszan."
"And the poachers are armed with machine guns and RPGs..."
"Yher vir edtu ga!"
"...they are driving two jeeps and slashing his pineapple plants with a machete!" Exclaimed Rob. "Let's head to your villa- oh stupid me, I'm talking to you in English! Iteni wayupe qten, Klud."
Klud began walking into the dense jungle, seemingly at Rob's suggestion, so we grabbed our gear and started after him. After what seemed to be at least a dozen miles of following Klud's footpath, we reached his village. Houses built in the trees was obviously the dominate style in the area, and Klud showed us to the central lodge where we would be staying the night with his weapons cache.
It was getting late by the time Klud's wife brought us a customary monkey arm platter for dinner. By the light of a torch, we went over our supplies.
"Well I brought some Cliff bars and Gatorade....and a spare shirt," announced Jon.
"WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!?" Screamed Richard. "WE ARE IN THE JUNGLE, SOON TO BE FIGHTING POACHERS, NOT ON A DAY HIKE!"
"Oh."
"Oh is right, and I'm not giving any of my Zone bars or Monster to you. As for the rest of my equipment, I purchased a compound bow before we left, I hope I can kill the poachers who slashed Klud's pineapples," Rich mused. "And I brought more than one shirt to change into."
"You brought 2 shirts? I actually brought several full changes of clothes," said Rob. "I brought a portable chemistry kit, just in case." With that, Rob made some toothpaste with his chemistry kit, smeared it on his teeth, and headed to bed.
"Riiiiight. A chemistry kit." Everything was starting to make sense to Jon. Or possibly it was just what he thought made sense but was completely wrong like every other time something "made sense" to him.
"Shut up and go to sleep," mumbled Rich as he stuffed the last of the monkey meat into his mouth and laid down on the bough floor.
As the night grew colder, the sleeping RFCN team dreamt about eating their Cliff and Zone bars.
With a start, Richard sat up to the early morning sun. "Guys wake up, what was that?"
"What was what?" murmured Jon
"That noise. It sounds like a car"
"It's probably a car. Why don't you go kill a poacher or something?"
"Good idea, I'll take Rob with me."
Rich started thinking about what would happen if he and Rob actually managed to kill or wound a poacher. "Would Rob and I have to bury him right then and there? Should we leave his body out to rot in the humid jungle? What if the car I heard was one of the two that Klud told Rob about yesterday? Would they return fire? Would they kill me?!? Wait, if I paint myself blue and hang some of Jon's teeth by a string on my neck, perhaps I can sneak away from the poachers before they see me."
So with that brilliant logic, Richard painted himself blue with the Cobalt from Rob's chemistry kit. He then woke the still sleeping Rob. After finding out why Richard was painted blue, Rob and Rich left the lodge with their gear in search of the poachers.
They started off in a northern direction, stopping only briefly to eat moss and Zone bars. Suddenly they stumbled upon what appeared to be a road cut out of the jungle by a machete only a few hours before.
"So this is what Klud was talking about yesterday, only the poachers have gotten much closer to the village," mumbled Rob. "Hey Rich, let's follow this path."
"Hold on chum, which way are you going to go?"
"Uhhhh...left?"
"How about if you be quiet for a minute and we'll see if we can hear the cars again."
.....::the sound of a clutch grinding drifts from the path to the right::......
"See? Right, not left! Let's go," said Rich.
After 30 minutes, Richard saw a jeep ahead of them on the trail. In the rear, a figure faced forward clutching a tripod mounted machine gun, while his comrade sat next to him, facing Richard. As Richard scanned the rest of the group, the only man who could possibly notice him sneak up was the bloke facing the rear, who Richard just noticed was drinking a soda.
"Get into the foliage Rob, you don't have blue paint and a tooth necklace for camouflage! I'm going to nail the guy facing this way with my bow," hissed Richard.
Robert watched the pure power or the bow flex under Richard's massive arms as a blue arrow was drawn silently. Then with a barley audible "twang," the arrow lept forward and thudded into the bulletproof vest of the poacher, who promptly fell off of the jeep, spitting the foamy Coke out of his mouth as he hit the forest floor.
Robert's jaw dropped as he then saw the individual at the mounted machine gun start shooting randomly into the forest, completely unaware that Richard was crouching to the side of the path behind him. As the smoke from the machine gun cleared, Richard jumped into the middle of the path and gave a traditional Swahili war screech, holding his bow to the trees. The moran operating the gun began firing again, somehow unable to hit Richard. Suddenly there was a sharp report of a sniper rifle, and Rob saw an old woman in the front lowering her customized Gorilla sniper. She also proved to be a lame shot, missing Richard by several feet as he jumped into the bushes by the path.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be continued...
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