Why Men Like Explosions

Having recently returned from seeing “Transformers”, this editor was struck with the impressive amount of combustion that is encapsulated in the film. In the span of a couple of hours the director managed to fit in at least 3,600 explosions. I place the qualifier “at least” in that sentence because I lost count after I temporarily blacked out from the sheer intensity of three thousand mechanical persons/beings/universes blowing up on screen... all at the same time. If you happened to see “Live Free or Die Hard” you would have experienced much the same thing. This is an intelligent move on the part of the directorial powers that be. They knew that the masculine theater attenders would be checking their watches, ready to walk out if the picture had not fulfilled its 1 explosion/2 deaths ratio in a 10 minute time period. This begs the question; why do men in particular crave great balls of fire? The editors uncover several reasons in the following sections.

1) Explosions are Manly

If explosions are inclined to the very nature of the male species, it would seem to follow that we would derive a special pleasure from them. This is in fact the case. Men carry on a symbiotic relationship with explosions. Explosions could not exist without men, matches, and napalm. Men, in turn, benefit from the satisfying glow and resulting destruction of the detonation. But why are we so attracted to them? This may remain a mystery to the end of the age, but perhaps the next few points will shed some light on the issue.

2) Explosions Indicate Power

As the saying goes, “Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, which results in explosions.” Can anyone deny the truth of this trusty statement? When has any individual gained and held a significant amount of power without averting to an explosion or two? Think of Jack Bauer. Think of Nagasaki. Think of Iraq. [Ed. This proves that explosions are necessary, but not sufficient, for an increase in power.] This is in fact an excellent explanation of why France has never won a war. And until they can get over their fear of their cheese, wine, and impeccably groomed moustaches being contaminated with nuclear material, the editors do not expect them to win any wars in the near or distant future. In summation, we find that when an explosion is witnessed by the general public (albeit from a safe distance), the men get a satisfying feeling that by viewing the spectacle, they too have taken part in the ultimate succinct statement of world domination, the explosion.

3) Explosions Avoid Awkward Situations

How many times have you been in a really uncomfortable situation? One where you wish you could just disappear? You know what I mean. As in “Man this is awkward. Why couldn’t I have a grenade right now, so as to blow the whole situation to kingdom come, albeit from a safe distance?” One that may be familiar to many of us is the dramatic-pause-turned-awkward-pause-in-the-2AR. Yes the self-generated delusions of grandeur come crashing down two minutes into the speech, leaving you feeling melodramatic and exposed. Ah, for the want of a flash-bang grenade a round was lost! It’s true. Men can be cowards, and we’re often more willing to blow a gaping hole in the music than face it.

4) Explosions: The Duct Tape of Life

Similar and yet different to the previous point, explosions are the layman’s, and for that matter non-layman’s, remedy to a situation that is simply not up to snuff. PC running a little slow? There’s an answer for that. Get a Mac. Mac running slow? Blow it up. There is no excuse for a Mac to be running any slower than blazing fast. On a media-centered note, I personally believe the movie “Pride and Prejudice” would have enjoyed much greater box office success if the romantic scene at the end of the picture had culminated in the tactical use of a generous amount of C-4. “Mrs. Darcy... Mrs. Darcy... Mrs. Dar-*House blows up* Dang it!”

Conclusion

We believe the sufficient coverage in this article has been... sufficient. It should now be clear as to why the masters of the Y chromosome use the "Just Say Yes" policy when it comes to combustible material.