Funny Stories: First day at college

Yesterday was the first day of school, so I thought I'd share with you guys some of the highlights. I used to think nobody actually went to MJC but then I realized it was just a summer thing. Fall MJC is like an umbrella in a tornado

First, we left at 10:47 and it takes 17.5 minutes to get to the east campus. Robert's class starts at 11. Robert complains telling me that I'm gonna have to go real fast on the freeway!"

...1 minute later, we're stopped on the freeway; apparently Monday was massive freeway construction day.

We turned up the stereo to help the pain. Oh yeah! stereo doesn't go that high! We complain about it and decide tomorrow is buy new 400 amp car speakers day.

10:58, drop Robert off at the campus (um no... I didn't speed.) ;-)

I begin searching for parking when it then occurs to me that I can't park anywhere close without a permit but I need to park and get the permit in order to park.

I park in some random neighborhood full of other students in my dilemma. Some guy pulls up beside me and I hear him exclaim !#$% @#&$! I think to myself "yeah dude, welcome to the club" as I walk away.

On campus I run into a sister of a friend, who approaches me and says "hey Robert!" I think of a non-awkward way of breaking it to her by saying "close, you had a 50% shot." She then stands there very, very awkwardly trying to think of my name...

At this point I'm thinking "girl, you making it awkward for all of us." I tell her after a few guesses, and I find an excuse to get to my class a little early. I pass another girl who just calls me "Birlew", because she's man enough to admit she can't remember which one I am. She informs me that my econ teacher was a monotoner.... 10 seconds after I enter the class I find out she was indeed, right.

End of class he reads the roll sheet, and I soon realize that I am the only one in this class that looks like I was born in this country. I mean that respectfully, but dudes... one guy was wearing a bright orange robe. the only normal name was Samuel... "Goonshapa" was his last name. Shaniqua was sitting next to me. That white girl across the row was named "Joon", one guy just straight tells the teacher to call him "Flant" Because the poor guy had no chance at pronouncing his real name.

Speech class was filled with people that should be going to a "people who talk too much in public and need to stop" class. We had to start by standing in front of class and telling everyone our name, (which they teacher uses when she calls us up), personal info, (some of it was way too personal) our career, and "something unique about us that you wouldn't know by just looking".

They very first girl, (who was actually very pleasant to look at) shares that she just turned 18, (I'm thinking "sweet! my age!!") just graduated and married. Yes, that same emotion was going through every one's mind at the same time... WHAT!!!!!!

She explains that "he was really a nice guy, so we got married right after high school (like 2 months)...and then he changed. Don't worry, I filed for divorce already; I'm trying to forget it."

10 seconds of awkward silence... you could tell everyone was trying to figure out how to react. Is she still crying about it? Is she over it? How could she be? Is she even human? Should give her our apologies?

Laughter breaks out, everyone is yelling questions and she got the attention she apparently really wanted.

Next guy is a really tall dude who's wearing a basketball shirt, shorts and Michael Jordon shoes. "I've been playing basketball since I was 3 years old" (Go figure) And I want to play in the NBA! I had a full ride to San Diego. When I was a freshman I was 5-3 and now I'm 6-4. ::starts to sit down:: The teacher exclaims, you forgot the unique part. "Oh! Right. I can post-up like no other and I can dunk a basketball" Someone asks: "you had a full ride? what happened? He responds: I lost it, cause-a grades. Now I wanna get my full ride back. Ima play for the Kings!!"

Random flirty girl gets up and says that she from Turlock where they are hot guys "unlike this place" Random flirt-backer dude exclaims "What!! me. ME!!!" Rob who is next to her: "wow, I see". She responds by saying that he wasn’t her type.

After a couple people, some girl gets up who "also just turned 18" (2 days before the married girl) but she wasn't my type. I could tell this by the fact that she talked at least 14 times the previous people...and never really stopped...

She exclaims that she just moved here and she had her first date last night. "Oh, and actually I just broke up with him 5 minutes before class." "I used the text message tactic" ::all the guys shiver:: "I gave him the whole 'I just want to be friends bit' [2 guys start crying] just like on the movies ::evil snicker::"

"What did he do wrong?" Some (obviously not a player) guy asks. "Well, you know... over dinner he starts talking about his health benefits from his job... and you know... it was scaring me." "What his number?" Some 30 year old desperate girl yells out.

Speech ends after Robert embarrasses Stephanie by telling the teacher that she was an impromptu 3rd place national champion... which of course raises expectations, and certainly didn't gain him any points. :-/

On the far side of the campus I pass a guy that used to go to my youth group, except no one had seen him for a while. "Hhhmm… I should say ‘hi’ to him" I thought to myself. Only problem was he was acting weird standing over by the power produces objects behind the electronics building. I decided that it was better for his personality problems to just nod at him; of course he ignored me.

I'm walking down the path as I'm thinking about his problems. Then it dawned on me: last I heard he threatened to bring a bomb to school at Ripon High because he hated a teacher... I began to walk a lot faster.


I meet up with Robert [apparently no bomb went off] who told me that Polisci is in the same building as history was. I walk in a couple minutes before him and just because I'm not a normal, prideful guy I ask a random girl what class it was as I'm sitting down. She answers that it was sign-language class at the same time another Women answer with fire science. I walk out as they are arguing over which building was which.

I find the class and after some random first-class talk, we began our introductions. Name, career, and what we would do as president. I'm telling you, everyone and their mom answered with health care reform… and the few left said "make college cheaper." I'm thinking "and give me a million bucks too!"

Finally some old lawyer women answers with medical malpractice reform because that's actually what's causing the problems with healthcare prices. ::The few people in the class who had brains began to cheer at this point::

Some girl gets up and leaves realizing that this wasn't the sign language class.

They were quite a few people who should been in the public speaking class. But finally.... the last guy stands up... and informs everyone that he work at the "porn shop". EVERYONE was like "wah? what did he just say?" He exclaims very loudly this time "yeah! I work at the porn shop. It's just down the street."

The teacher [a women] is staring at him at this point. After a few minutes a very awkward laughter she pronounces that this is a first for her class. She then (obviously trying to change the subject) asks what his major is. He answers with video and graphic design. She responds by saying that she should have seen that one coming. ::Everyone nods::

After about 15 minutes of public policy discussion some girl packs up and leaves explaining "I can't take this anymore, it's so boring"

After class Bob and I went to Wendy's to soak in some food and headed home.

This is college eh?