Insects

After man sinned and God cursed the earth, certain torturous parts of the environment were created by God to punish man. We at RFCN are convinced the first things God created after the fall of man were insects. Yes, these little creatures are by far the most irritating of all creatures on this little planet we call home. Why? You ask? It is because even if you kill them, you probably only shortened their life span by hours, if not seconds. And the fact that even if you do smash one, two, or say its your lucky day and you smashed 10 insects, you probably put the same amount of damage on the insect race as Former president Clinton’s affair did on his candidacy. They live off our food, our cr[ud], and even our blood. So many people get angry and continue to swat flies, caring little that they just spilled insect guts on their windows, tables and sometimes dinners.
Insects win only by sheer numbers, and their purpose is to take the logic out of man’s attempts to eliminate them. How many of us have said the following: “I’m going to kill every mosquito, one mosquito at a time”? Maybe it was just Matt Weakley… nm.

According to a recent poll, Americans combined kill .008% of mosquitoes, .0000004 of nats and -.02% of flies (its in the negative numbers because 1 out of every 20 flies killed is pregnant and killing them causes the larvae to hatch thus creating thousands of more flies) The attention devoted to insects is incredible. No doubt insects annoy more people then any other living creature. Every county has a department devoted to insect control. Just the other day I ran into a lady who was in charge of tracking the migratory patterns of an insect never spotted before on our continent by going to green houses in the Stanislaus County. Yeah, I want that job.

That said, ReallyFunnyClassNotes devotes the following post to all of the people that continue to defy odds, intelligence, and continue in complete ignorance. They think they are doing the universe a favor by smashing the fly 20 times harder than it would actually take to kill it.

We would just like to say, the best way to kill an insect… is not to kill the insect, unless done so by accident. Ignore them if at all possible; only then will you defeat insects.
But if you are like us at RFCN and actually enjoy smashing insectoids, here are a few friendly ways to kill them.

Flies

Flies are one of the more popular household insects. Smashing flies can be used for stress release, avoiding complete boredom, and entertaining your date if you are really bad at coming up with creative places to go, can’t kiss because you are home schooled, or are Cody Herche.
There are two main techniques for killing flies: catching and swatting

The first way you can eliminate a fly is by simply catching the fly with your hands. I should not say simply because really there is nothing simple about it at all, unless you have ninja like reaction skills, are really dang lucky, or have way too much time on your hands to practice. Believe it or not, there is actually technique and strategy involved. Yes we at RFCN know this because we qualify as the people with too much time.
The key is, wait until you see the fly bend its wings backwards.Our theory is the fly cannot multi task because it has the brain the size of, well, actually nothing is really as small as a fly's brain.
Place your hand on top of the fly, wait until it bends its wings, and then proceed to grab the fly. Upon grabbing be sure to do a simple check to see if the fly is in your hand. If the fly is in your hand, smash it with all of your might. Be sure to wash your hands before any meals.

The second way to kill a fly is swatting. This is a much better stress release as the above mentioned technique has actually been known to cause more stress buildup then it could possibly release. Unlike Catching, swatting has no technique at all. Simple find a fly and proceed to swing the swatter with all of your might.







Sometimes you really don’t to be aiming at a fly at all. Just smash whatever it is you hate. (If it’s a sibling, try to swing below the face)

Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes are kind of hard as, most of the time you spot them as they begin sucking blood from your body. If you do spot them, don’t swat them. Please try to remember they are already sucking your blood, and they are on your skin. Therefore you would just be swatting yourself, already getting a lump, and still somehow feeling satisfied for killing one mosquito.

One of the more macho ways to eliminate a mosquito sucking my blood is to flex the muscle. This causes the mosquito to overload, sometimes getting his noodle stuck. Talking to the little guy has been known to relieve some of the pain.
And my personal favorite, moderate the blood favor. This is of course inspired by the old tobasco sauce commercial. Try to avoid being sweet with sugar, and go for the rugged all American spicy stuff.

This actually does nothing to the mosquito but it sure does make you feel better about giving insects your blood.



We hope you enjoyed our post. And remember, we aren’t just funny… we’re really funny.

If you liked this post, please comment.

If you like what we are doing here at RFCN please email us at reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. If you have any complaints please email us at funnyclassnotes@gmail.com