Investment Guide to the New Debate Year

The debate year is just starting back up again. That means more research, more late nights, and more coffee. This is also the time of year to start looking at your stock portfolio and asking yourself "what the heck should I invest in this debate season?"

We at RFCN know that there is always the reliable Starbucks...even though it is at a low right now, that's just because debaters haven't started writing their 1ACs yet. As you can see from this detailed graph, http://finance.yahoo.com/q/bc?s=SBUX&t=2y, Starbuck's stocks have dipped after Nationals the past few years, but has consistently shot up around September when the majority of debaters start getting dirty. By dirty we mean covered-in-sweat-from-not-being-able-to-find-that-one-stinkin'-card-and-haven't-stopped-to-take-care-of-personal-hygiene-in-the-past-month-because-they-have-been-writing-breifs-against-cases-that-won't-be-run-ever-again-like-ANWR-dirty. Yes, we at RFCN agree that the best time to buy Starbucks stock is now.

Moving along to the next stock option: the Federal Government. Of course we at FCN never have had enough money to actually buy bonds because our parents only give us $0.25 a week in allowance, but we know that this is probably a good investment option because hey, it's impossible to loose money when giving it to the Federal Government because they spend it on good things for us like healthcare, prisons, and Americorps, right?

In tune with this year's ever changing resolution, we also recommend investing in drug smugglers. We of course haven't invested in smugglers, but our "associates" at FCN have a bit of knowhow in the general area and have highly recommended it for investment-due to the 600% cash return that you don't have to pay taxes on.

Gold is the final option we at RFCN believe is worthy of being invested-in. Gold has always pulled over the top of other metals. It has been on the top of the lists. The top of the stacks. The top of the bets. The top of people's heads, and the bottom of their ears. Gold is good. Gold is pretty. Girls like gold. Guys get greedy when they see gold. Judges change their minds on the ballot when you throw gold at them. Thieves like gold too...that means it's gotta be good to invest in.


This has been RFCN's first annual "Investment Guide to the New Debate Year". A quick recap of what to invest in: Oil, BBC, AXE, Krispy Kreme, and of course 100% Florida Orange Juice.