Signal light girls

While our friends over at FCN may be just starting out to drive, most of the authors of RFCN have been driving for a little while. In our experience, we have discovered what we’d like to call signal light girls.

One minute, you are sitting in the left turn lane at a red signal wondering why you had to miss the light, and the next, she comes along. The woman of your dreams drives up right beside you in a red corvette. She probably only looks like the woman of your dreams because you can only see the shoulders up, but she’s got you staring at her anyways. You look at her for two seconds in awe before it hits you: this lights only going to last a few more seconds and you’ll never see her again. Yes we know some of you out there have been in our shoes, and if you haven’t, you will someday. Not if, but when you find yourself in this position, do not panic. Try to remain calm. This is your time to separate yourself from the millions of other signal light stalkers out there.

RFCN has come up with a list of suggestions to use if you want to leave an impression.

Stare straight ahead

If you are very shy, too nervous, or scared to try anything risky, try the intellectual stare. Look over in the corner of your eye to see if she’s looking at you. If she is, begin staring at some random object like you are in deep thought. If you are feeling really bold, try staring at an object in her general area, but do not look directly at her. This is a pretty safe tactic so if anything goes wrong, it may just be the driver you cut off a couple miles back finally catching up with you.

Smile and wave

If you are slightly uneasy about being a signal stalker, but want to get the girl to acknowledge you anyways, try the smile and wave. Turn your head towards her and give a medium smile (try not to overdue it and definitely don’t drool). After she looks towards you with curiosity, begin to slowly raise your arm and give a slight wave. Do not give your best Princess Dianna wave or she might think you are some overly egotistic rock-star wannabe who thinks she wants your autograph. If she looks away, rolls up the window, grabs a baseball bat or dials a three digit number, you may have overdone the smile and wave. At that point start hoping your signal light turns green soon. (If she rolls up her window and then runs her red light, you DEFINITELY overdid the smile)

Sing to her

If you are a little more outgoing and like being funny, try the sing along. Roll down your window, turn up your stereo, and begin mouthing the words to her. Depending on how she reacts, you may want to switch the song until you get a song she likes. We recommend DHT's "listen to your heart", Grit's "be mine", or Derek Webb's "love is not against the law".
If you forgot what CD you had in and your stereo starts blasting the bridge to Disturbed's "down with the sickness", Kelly Clarkson's "because of you", or Nickleback's “animals”, you may want to roll up that window and start hoping for a green signal light again.

The stall
If you really want to leave an impression and don’t care about a few honks and mad drivers behind you, try the stall. Stare at her all the way through your green light. This most definitely gets a smile from the girl. (she's probably smiling at you because you look like an idiot but attention is attention right?) There is just one minor disadvantage to the stall. Inevitably, once your light turns green and red again, her light will turn green. Now the girl you are trying to impress is gone and you are left with a line of really angry drivers behind you while you wait for the entire cycle of lights to go again. If the cars behind you start to rear end you, get out of their cars with baseball bats, or looks like they are calling that three digit number again, we suggest you actually just take your chances and run the red light. Our statistics show a higher survival rating for making it through cross traffic than making it through a baseball bat beating.


Unfortunately there is really no way to actually successfully hook up with a signal light girl in the 15 seconds you have at your light, but don’t let us discourage you! You’ll have enough trouble with boyfriends you didn’t see in her passenger seat, cars that block the line of sight, and cops you didn’t see behind you.

Pedestrians
We actually suggest going for cute looking pedestrians. They are the easiest type of girl to hit on... literally. Wait until she's going across the road and then hit the gas ... gently. It's a hit or miss (another bad pun). If you get her unconscious then you can revive her and be her hero for life. If you can't revive her then no biggy. We suggest you don't' practice on more than one girl... as that will upgrade your status to serial killer.

Yes, we hope you enjoy our friendly tips on how to impress women. I'm sure you can see from this that we have a lot of wisdom in this area. If you need any personal tips on women please email us at reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com. If you didn't' like our tips, remember, this post was one of the other three guys who post here.