The assassin department budget shortfall

I know we said we’d never sell t-shirts or anything, and we’re not, but, um…
Well, RFCN assassin department is in need of a bigger budget. As it turns out, it never pays to buy cheap assassins. The idiots were apparently speeding in Ripon. What were they thinking?! They would have gotten off with just a warning for the black ski masks and silenced pistols, but I guess they had a rear tail light out. These guys didn’t even have their green cards, which would have been fine in California, but the officer mistook the poor guys when they said “we RFCN” for “we [a]r[e] FCN” (a terrorists group wanted for spreading anti-government messages in the form of humor). We aren’t too sure the Government likes to bail suspected terrorists out of jail. In fact, we aren’t too sure they like to give terrorists habeas corpus , a speedy trial, or good food.
If you can donate an assassin please let us know, or just send money. Actually, just send money. Lot’s of money. (we're hoping to save up to get Dick Cheney over here)

RFCN is not responble for making sure any of your money actually makes it to paying for an assassin. Your money may be subject to paying for our huge bureaucracy, sudden starbucks visits, new debate suits, and burning. Certain rules and restrictions may apply. Contact your doctor to see if investing in RFCN's assassin department is right for you.