You're Out!

We'll, if any of you have ever officiated a sport, you'd know it can be both the most annoying and humorous job you'd ever have. Over the years I've had some pretty stinken funny dialogue with coaches.

So without very ado

Introducing some of the most humorous interactions with people who argue but can't argue well...

1. The funny angry man

::Kid does not slide at home plate when there was a play on him::

Official ruling- Automatic out

A Manager [our former umpire in chief] storms to home plate and says "That's a bunch of bull crap"

Rich ::smiles::

Manager says "ARE YOU SMILING? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?"

Rich "No sir"

Manager "Bull CRAP, you are smiling at me!"

Rich "No ::smiles more:: I'm not..."

::Manager yells profanity and walks away::

2 Calvinball (no really, click the link)

::kid hits a mile long fly ball that makes it all the way to a parking lot and rolls out of sight::

Official ruling- Ground rule double

A manager comes storming out and says "No, no! We have a rule that says that the parking lot is a ground rule triple!"

Me "Great! Its on paper right?"

Manager "No, the last umpire declared that from now on the parking lot is a ground rule triple"

Me "Uh, if its not written down, then I go by the rule book"

::Assistant coach and opposing manager both point out the obvious, that I'm correct::

Manager "Well you didnt' go over this in the pregame meeting! You didn't plan ahead!"

Me "But you told me to start without a meeting!"

3. Short Term Memory

::Coach complains about the first baseman "straddling" the bag will preparing for a pick off attempt by the pitcher::

Official ruling- Perfectly legal

Coach "You have to stop the baseman from straddling the bag!"

Me "That's perfectly legal, as long as he has both feet inside fair territory"

::3 innings later::

Coach "He's doing it again! You have to stop him! Do your job!"

Me "Coach, if you don't remember last time we discussed this, I told you it was legal for him to do that"

4. The Concerned Mom

::Crowed gets out of control and even yells profanity for a good 10 minutes::

Me: "Shuuttttup!! All of you! Or people will need to leave"

A mother mumbles: "How dare he say that in front of my kid"

You know you're an umpire if...

You can only count to 4.

You can't say the word out without pumping a fist

When people ask you a question you reply with "it was a judgement call"

You can convince anyone that you understand what they are saying without actually listening to them