A Girl? Funny? Ha!

Last week I joined the LAW. Being a part of the LAW is tough. It requires more than just physical stamina. It requires mental strength. And I don’t mean I-can-survive-being-cross-examined-by-Cody strength, what I mean is an invisible force. A power in your mind so strong that you are able to look deep inside and admit that you really DO want to listen to the “High School Musical” soundtrack over and over again. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s the kind of strength you need when you join the LAW: Lame Anonymous Women.

I wish I could say that the “lame” stood for “crippled or physically disabled.” Heck, I’d even be okay with “a person who is out of touch with modern fads or trends” [Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Retrieved October 11, 2007, from Dictionary.com] But alas, when I say lame, I mean hopelessly, pathetically, downright not funny.

Women are generally held to be unfunny – probably because women generally ARE unfunny. Yes, there are some who break out of the mold and climb to heights the rest of us only dream about… but I mean, when was the last time you saw a good female comedian? And when was the last time you watched a comedy that starred Angelina Jolie? (Forgive me if I bring up a painful memory, I’m just trying to make a point). Seriously though, think of the last really funny movie you watched that starred a woman. If it’s not “Legally Blonde” I will be impressed. Speaking of, why do we laugh at “Legally Blonde”? Mainly, because it makes fun of… well, blondes. That cute lawyer really doesn’t have anything clever to say. Instead, she says everything that is contrary to intelligence in general – and it’s that mass of unintelligence that makes us incredibly sophisticated debaters laugh.

Unfortunately, I find myself in Reese Witherspoon’s shoes: the object of laughter, but not humorous by any means.

It’s a hard fact to live with, and I was in denial for a long time. Until one day it hit me: a 68-mph-slap-shot hockey puck. It hit my head so hard that it literally knocked me off my skates (admittedly an easy thing to do). When I came to, I could hear the sound of laughter. Laughter that I had become so accustomed to attributing to my (as I thought of it) amazingly witty humor. My life flashed before my eyes. I could see all my little school friends laughing at the kid wearing a white turtle-neck and jean jumper – me. All of my debate rounds where I actually thought that the free market was a real thing. All of those gtalk conversations when Chris typed in those fatal, but truthful words: that’s lame.

That’s when I decided to join LAW. They told me I had to admit I have a problem before I can fix it (extensive amounts of research have been done on the Government to prove this). So I summed up the courage to stand up and say, “Hi, I’m here because I’m… not funny.” And everyone clapped for me. Except one girl, who said, “Life isn’t about being funny you know. There are plenty of amazing people who aren’t funny. Like lawyers.”

She’s no longer with us.