Yes Chris, Figure Skating is a Sport

There is an erroneous idea going around that Figure Skating is not a sport. Frankly, I am astonished that anyone could start such fabrications, and I am further amazed that people believe them. It’s one thing to believe that baseball is not a sport (that I can understand) – but this is ridiculous.

When I became aware that the belief was becoming widespread, I did what any good government agency might do: take a poll. Of the Americans polled, 82% answered that they felt Figure Skating was not a sport. Of those, 63% said that they came to their conclusion by very logically comparing ice skating to hockey and other known sports. In the words of one respondent: “Uh, no hablo inglés.”

Clearly, Figure Skating has been misrepresented. You would think that recent movies like “Blades of Glory” and “Ice Princess” would have given some dignity to skating and inspired more respect. Go figure. (Hahaha, get it? Go figure? You know… *ahem*)

As a life-long figure skater myself, I feel that I am not only qualified, but I am compelled to speak out against this injustice toward my fellow skaters. I take it upon myself to stand up for the talented women and… women… who skate. To tell the truth in a world of lies; to start protests in our nation’s capitol – and to boldly skate where no figure skater has skated before: the hockey arena.

Since the vast majority of Americans believe that hockey is a sport, I decided to visit our ugly-step-brother in an attempt to learn why they get to be on TV in bars and we don’t. And so, after receiving a large number of bruises and verbal insults, I was able to identify three distinctive characteristics that make hockey a sport.

1. Hockey involves running into people
2. Hockey involves fighting
3. Hockey involves wearing numbers

Even a minimal amount of hockey viewing will tell you that these are the most important parts of the sport. (There is that other part about knocking an inanimate object back and forth with sticks, but according to the hockey players I interviewed, that wasn’t nearly as big a deal as the other criteria – especially number two.) Having identified these as the most important parts of hockey, I will now proceed to demonstrate how figure skating, like hockey, is also a sport.

Running into people

No contest. Figure skaters are always running into other skaters (sometimes it's even on purpose). The following photo demonstrates the style in which we take other skaters out:

Chuck Norris would be proud.

Fights

Ever heard of Tonya Harding? Or how about Jamie Sale & David Pelletier (who fought with the Russian pair team over the gold medal)?

Although just naming those examples should be way more than enough, I’d like to point out that the fight over the gold medal at the 2002 Olympics was started because of (in the words of the International Herald Tribune) “misconduct by a French judge.” [See:http://www.iht.com/articles/2002/02/16/oclarey_ed3_.php]

Tell me that’s not better than any hockey fight.

(And those, by the way, were all fights at competitions. Fights back at the home rink can get pretty nasty too -- like just last week when this one girl told Patrick that his new costume made him look fat...)

Wearing numbers

We wear numbers all the time! Ever seen those t-shirts that say, “I *heart* 2 sk8”?