First competition results!

Well guys, the results are in!

We are pleased to announce the competition was a smashing success! It was a blast. We really would like to thank FCN for cooperating! And... we would like to thank ourselves. Actually, just myself... because as usual, all of the fashion posts came from me.


So, results...

And the winner is ... ::insert drumroll::

Our very own, RFCN!


Winning with a grand total of 32 votes compared to FCN's 26 votes.


If you are confused, it's because we tallied up email votes and the various polls on FCN and RFCN.

Nice try FCN, nice try. Bring it anytime

You're Out!

We'll, if any of you have ever officiated a sport, you'd know it can be both the most annoying and humorous job you'd ever have. Over the years I've had some pretty stinken funny dialogue with coaches.

So without very ado

Introducing some of the most humorous interactions with people who argue but can't argue well...

1. The funny angry man

::Kid does not slide at home plate when there was a play on him::

Official ruling- Automatic out

A Manager [our former umpire in chief] storms to home plate and says "That's a bunch of bull crap"

Rich ::smiles::

Manager says "ARE YOU SMILING? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?"

Rich "No sir"

Manager "Bull CRAP, you are smiling at me!"

Rich "No ::smiles more:: I'm not..."

::Manager yells profanity and walks away::

2 Calvinball (no really, click the link)

::kid hits a mile long fly ball that makes it all the way to a parking lot and rolls out of sight::

Official ruling- Ground rule double

A manager comes storming out and says "No, no! We have a rule that says that the parking lot is a ground rule triple!"

Me "Great! Its on paper right?"

Manager "No, the last umpire declared that from now on the parking lot is a ground rule triple"

Me "Uh, if its not written down, then I go by the rule book"

::Assistant coach and opposing manager both point out the obvious, that I'm correct::

Manager "Well you didnt' go over this in the pregame meeting! You didn't plan ahead!"

Me "But you told me to start without a meeting!"

3. Short Term Memory

::Coach complains about the first baseman "straddling" the bag will preparing for a pick off attempt by the pitcher::

Official ruling- Perfectly legal

Coach "You have to stop the baseman from straddling the bag!"

Me "That's perfectly legal, as long as he has both feet inside fair territory"

::3 innings later::

Coach "He's doing it again! You have to stop him! Do your job!"

Me "Coach, if you don't remember last time we discussed this, I told you it was legal for him to do that"

4. The Concerned Mom

::Crowed gets out of control and even yells profanity for a good 10 minutes::

Me: "Shuuttttup!! All of you! Or people will need to leave"

A mother mumbles: "How dare he say that in front of my kid"

You know you're an umpire if...

You can only count to 4.

You can't say the word out without pumping a fist

When people ask you a question you reply with "it was a judgement call"

You can convince anyone that you understand what they are saying without actually listening to them

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Hurt

Dear Readers,

It has come to our attention that a recent post came across as offensive to some families. It turns out the Post "Courage Kid, Courage" may been taken to heart by some people. I am very sorry for the hurt I may have caused through my words. For those of you who know me, you know that I do not have mean spirit and I most certainly do not intend to hurt other people. But, I do have a loose tongue and sometimes I say things or do things that do hurt other people. That is why I feel God has laid it on my heart to apologize for my actions and I hope that you all might be able to forgive me. I know that we deleted the post, but I know that won't be able to delete it from your mind. I am sorry if I deeply wounded anyone. That was not the intent of the post. But, I know, words are words, and they can never be taken back.

- Sincerly Yours
Zech Keenan

What's Your Fashion Statement?

Fashion is not just an attempt to keep clothes on your body in order to remain decent (although it may be for some guys), but it is also a way to express yourself. I will suck up my manly pride and admit that a search for a good fashion statement may warrant a little shopping... and I do mean, a little shopping. It may be necessary for a guy to spend 10 minutes once every few months to maybe take a look at what color the clothes are before just buying it. I'm not so sure girls run into the same problem. If you can shop in 10 minutes, I'm free Monday night, call me ;-)

What a girl wears says more about her then anything else a guy can figure out while glancing at her as she's walking by, or at a signal light. Sometimes, people want to make a bold statement, and sometimes they just don't realize what they look like. How do you tell someone when they are wearing something that just doesn't' work?

After many years, I have finally realized, guys can't. Girls only care what other girls think about their fashion. It started after Adam gave Eve a blank stare after she asked him if she looked better in fig leaves or olive leaves. From then on, girls just stopped caring about what guys say on fashion. Guy: "Hey, I don't' think you look good in yellow strips." Girl: "Well, Cindy said I look cute in it." Guy: "Yeah, but I just think you should leave that in the 70's where it belongs" Girl: "This is why I don't ask you. I think it'll look cute."

I'm just wondering two things.
1: Why would a girl ask if something looks good, if she really doesn't want to know?
2: Why do girls care more about what other girls think, when its the guys they are trying to attract?

Fashion #2 Designer Sunglasses

Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Cindy. Cindy was a very pretty girl, but she was incredibly self-conscious about her face. She thought she looked like this, but she really looked like this and she wanted to look like this. Cindy went to work to discover a formula to hide her face. She tried wearing one of these, or walking around like this. She even tried walking around like this because this wasn't working and this was just weird. Finally she discovered sunglasses. She thought to herself, if people already wear them, I can just make them bigger.

So she did.

Soon every self-conscious girl in the world, also known as every girl in the world, started a trend with the sunglasses.

Just as surely as girls never stop becoming self-conscious about some part of their body, the trend continues with a huge force behind it.

Thanks Cindy, thanks.

If this sad, sad story isn't' enough to convince you, here's three reasons not to wear designer sunglasses.

1. Your face is pretty, just wear it.

2. If guys can't see your face, what else are they going to look at?

3. If Saturn, Mars and that one star fell out of orbit in front of the sun, while earth was invaded with giant walking string beans, you wouldn't be able to see.

Fashion #1

Let the contest begin!
The people have spoken. https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=3366488940857051388&postID=2796665788266684275 They chant cries of fashion and dress. We shall appease the people. The next three days will be posts on fashion.

"Fashion is like ice cream. There is no wrong flavor, just some people have really bad taste." -Robert

Lesson 1: Eskimo boots

Why do people wear them? We shall dress... I mean, address the deep historical and social tension of this very question.

Top reasons

1. They are comfortable.

I would definitely have to say, this an interesting reason. Last time I wore something because it was "comfortable", I was incarcerated. But supposing this was a legimate reason, not legitimate like, honestly legitimate, but just legitimate enough to throw another cloned steak on the barbie, there would still be a question in my mind. Why would girls be willing to wear high heels then? Maybe beauty comes before comfort?

2. They look cool (literally)

Honestly, since when did we start stealing fashion tips from Eskimos?

These boots are made to look like they are ready for the snow, right? Like Cody was made for politics? Like Travis was made to get dumped and rejected by women? Like Daniel was made for... wait, what was Daniel made for? Well, its all wrong anyways (the boots being ready for the snow that is). If you were to wear them in the snow, it would be worse than bare feet; they would turn into ice cubes. So I ask you, why would you want to wear snow boots that really only work in the summer? And you would ask me, why does FCN contiue to make jokes about their 12 visitors? But that's off topic. Its so obvious! So your feet sweat and overheat ... while you look like an Eskimo (If you thought that was a compliment, just stop reading. Go read FCN or something). Maybe, if people read a little history before they picked their clothes, they would realize how the Eskimo's died off. No, it wasn't the government, or Hilary's test run of universal health care in Antarctica. It was Global warming. We aren't talking about spring Mr Cheney. We are talking about, you know, that theory you get a nobel prize just for teaching. Why would warm air kill an Eskimo? If you can't answer that, forget about understanding the deep intellectual jokes of FCN. Actually, if you don't understand half of their outside references, we're all in the same boat there.

Now I wonder, did the Eskimo's die off because they wore Eskimo boots in the heat? Or did they die off because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the heat? Obviously since the Eskimo died, and died while wearing the Eskimo boots, the Eskimo died because of wearing the boots. For those of you that do not like my reasoning, I added a footnote.

If they died off because they wore Eskimo boots, that would lead to the conclusion that they died because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots. However, if they died because they were dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots, maybe they didn't wear the Eskimo boots when they died. Maybe, they just fell over and died. Because, anyone dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the heat is dumb enough to die without the Eskimo boots, right? But Eskimo's and Eskimo boots are not mutually exclusive. Can you have an Eskimo, that wears boots, that doesn't' wear Eskimo boots? Obviously not. When an Eskimo wears a boot, its an Eskimo boot, because its worn by an Eskimo. And since Eskimo's always wear boots, the Eskimo boots killed the Eskimo.

Or was it Al Gore that killed the Eskimos... But wait! It's all coming together... if you are dumb enough to wear Eskimo boots in the summer... then maybe you should be extinct too? And I don't mean extinct like those polar bears who are increasing in population. But isn't this all part of that other theory?

No, that's just cruel. I couldn't bare the thought of a world without females. No Jessica Alba. No Carrie Underwood. Not even a wild snorlax. Only Him. And Him. And wow... that guy's kinda cute. Opps, I meant this guy. And I'm not too sure whether this "guy" would be there. But anyways... That is not to say, I couldn't bare the thought of females without worthless snow wanna-be boots. But then again, its not looking like a world without females is what we should be worried about (no really, click the link).

So, for the love of all that is good and holy and beautiful, please don't wear Eskimo boots.

RFCN fashion advice tip #1 "Think to yourself, what would an Eskimo not wear? And then, wear it. Unless of course you thought of not wearing anything."

The 8 stages of womanhood

1. Grow up

2. Have babies

3. Vow to never have babies again

4. Forget about how painful child birth was

5. Have more babies

6. Vow to never have babies again

7. Forget about how painful child birth was

8. Die


People say we are too unsympathetic about child birth because we are guys. So, to make ourselves qualified to make fun of it, we came up with a solution. We heard the closest pain a guy can feel compared to child birth is passing a kidney stone. So, to simulate this, we injected a rock into Trevor's ureter. Trevor is currently unable to comment on the pain, but we sure do appreciate Trevor's sacrifice so that we could make fun of child birth.

P.S., please pray for Trevor... Its been a week and he still has the rock inside him. We think the rock may be too big.

Which brings us to another point...

We are now taking donations for Trevor's surgery. We didn't think about the fact that Trevor only has a cheap HMO with his Starbucks job. The HMO denied the treatment on the basis that it was "experimental surgery". If we don't' get enough money, I'm going to have to do the surgery myself.

Who's your Wright?

Have you ever had someone come into your life and literally screw up everything? Maybe someone you didn't mind having around before, but now that you are in the spot light, it really bothers you. Well, Obama has. I mean, sure we all have our pastors... and certainly none of them are perfect... but this guy makes my pastor's long prayers seem like seem like heaven. wow that was a stupid pun.

Never has Wright been so wrong (wow, another bad pun).

I actually feel sorry for Obama. Sure he may be a democrat, and it would be disappointing if he came to the airport with less luggage than Hilary, but seriously! Do you realize what kind of sermons this guy has been listening to? I mean, if that's what Wright thinks about the U.S., than what must he think about God? Or am I being redundant here... Seems to me like Jeremiah Wright is really testing his first amendment rights, even more so than FCN. People think it so Wright... I mean wrong... that one of Obama's "mentors" is a nut bag. Brilliant! Since Obama could be a nutbag, lets elect Mrs Clinton who IS a nutbag. That kind of sloppy thinking will never land you a tenure.

I think I'm going to find a way to broadcast Mr Wrong's sermons as a comedy series. Probably just so I could come up with a clever title...

"The Wright wrong"
"Right, Wright is wrong"
"The wrong Wright"

Ok I'll stop right there... you get the idea.

Fight!

RFCN and FCN have had peace for too long. They've kept it all inside, but we all knew it would come out. Now, its time!

::drumroll::

From the creators of the two "funniest" blogs in the history of the world, bring you...

Impromptu blogging!

We would like our fans to participate! This is how it works...

For exactly one week, fans from both sides of the aisle will send emails to reallyfunnyclassnotes@gmail.com and funnyclassnotes@gmail.com with topics. Topics should be 8 words or less and can be on anything! The authors from FCN and RFCN will then take the topics and write posts on them.

Contributors will have exactly three days to write as many posts as possible. Both blogs will write on the same topics.

Topics will be judged on...

creativity
humor
audience captivity
class

At the end of the three days, any fan who reads the blogs will be allowed to vote. Specific methods of voting will come soon.

Woman has enlightening baptism experience

RFCN news, Sunday, May 11th. 10:27 p.m.
There have been a series of unfortunate events in Arkansas that apparently all started with a baptism. A 59 year old woman with heart conditions was reportly getting baptized by her pastor of 30 years. The elderly pastor apparently did not hear the screams and gasps for breath of the woman in between the father and the son, and drowned her shortly before the holy spirit. The pastor says this is the first time anything close to this has happened in his career, and apologized for the lack of attention during the baptism. This, however, has not stopped the family from pressing charges. "This should be an open and closed case", said the families attorney, "the whole congregation witnessed it and 359 people have agreed to testify." If convicted, the pastor may serve time in prison for manslaughter. The family and their attorney say they are investigating whether this was pre-meditated or intentional on the part of the pastor as the 59 year old woman was known for galling the pastor repeatedly after many of his free-will sermons. "He just ain't speaken the truth, free-will is a lie", said a woman that sat next to the 59 year old woman in the front row. We wondered what this had to do with the murder. Either way, this truly was a heavenly experience for the 59 year old woman.

How can I say this?

So, last night I was at an umpire meeting where I found out my boss took 5 dollars off every game I did, then added 30 minutes to my games and gave me the 5 dollars back. Not sure how that works? Neither am I... but later on in the night, he offered to give me a game tonight by myself. Translation? Double pay. He did mention he wanted to call one final person on his list to see if the guy could work with me. I glanced over at his sheet as he revealed to me who it was. "Some guy named Dave", he replied.

Let me introduce you to Dave. Dave was my former boss, and president of the little league where I work... that is until he had a minor case of road rage. By minor case of road rage, of course I mean he smashed someone's window in with a baseball bat. How fitting...

"Oh dave! He was... he was the guy who... he was the president of this league!"

How could I tell him? I guess I really couldn't. Of course my boss said, "Great! Then he knows all about baseball".

"More like baseball bats" I mumbled.

Fortunately for me, Dave couldn't make it.

Whew